I remember a joke and it goes like this: a man died and went to heaven. When he got to the Golden Gates St Peter asked, “What religion are you?” The man said, “I don't know. I have never had a religion; I just believe in God.” St Peter said, “Ok, I will show you around and you can decide which one you like.” St Peter took the man into a large gathering and they both sat down in the front row to observe the service. After about a half hour they got up and went to the next large group of people and sat down in the front to see their service. After a while they got up and went to the next group and stood standing in the back to watch and listen. After leaving the man asked St Peter, “Why did we sit down if front of the first two denominations and have to stand for the last?” St Peter replied, “Well, the last group were Catholics and they think they're the only ones up here.”

This little story got me thinking about heaven and who is really up there. The Christians, of course, are there. How about the Muslims? They call it Paradise but is it the same place? Are the 72 virgins hiding in a corner some place so the Christians will not all get in a tizzy because there may be some kind of sex involved there? I mean sex is frowned upon by Christians. It goes back as far as the great disciple Paul. He did not believe in women even being in church services or if they were they should be silent. He thought you could not be close to God if you were married. Well not as close as a single person.

How about the Norse god Odin; the afterlife he promised was call Valhalla. Is that the same place as heaven? Will all the old Viking warriors be there? And how about Fensalir that also served as the afterlife home for married couples who wished to be together. That must be right next door to Valhalla because they are both Nordic.

Osiris taught and Egyptians believed they had the right to be transformed and to live in the afterlife.

Even the Nethandral believed in an afterlife. Similar to the Egyptians they buried certain objects that would help survive in a different existence.

Cherokee, Iroquois and Algonquians believed in an afterlife conceived of a paradise in which hunting is unlimited and game is plentiful. That certainly sounds more realistic than the Christian heaven where everybody just sits around and sings hymns. There should be hunting, fishing, parties, and, of course, getting together with old friends. That is the most important. But every religion that has an afterlife, whatever it is called should be in the same place. Elvis was very religious. I can see him up there singing and all the Neanderthals dancing their hearts out to the music. It just seems so right! Stephen Gunn

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What's it like in heaven? That's a good question. What always cracks me up is that you are at the cemetary and they lower the body into the ground. Some moron always says, "well, he's up there in heaven now."

I think these christians need some lessons in geography.

Either geography or navigation in three dimensions!

I suspect heaven is a lot like the the all inclusive resort and spa on the planet Neptune. Whatever you imagination wants it to be, since that's the only place where either one exist. 

I hear that it's the land of milk and honey. If you are lactose intolerant or allergic to bee stings, you're fucked.

Actually the one that always get me is the line “heaven is whatever you imagine it to be within this life”.

A few of my religious friends will shoot me a hairy eyeball while saying it.

That's if you even think such a place exists. wishful thinking doesn't mean it's real.

OK, we have to get Buybull educated now. According to the Buybull "heaven" is an actual place somewhere in the sky, despite the fact that all direction is lost as we know it once you get away from earth. Consider again that Jebus said "the kingdom of heaven is within you," but certain Buybull books claim there was war in heaven, the devil and his legion was cast out, angels live there, etc. and it is the abode of god. It is the eternal abode of at least some christians, and Elijah was caught up to heaven "in a whirlwind."

All the above is simple and yet confusing, christians believed it for many years, but today it is changing. The reason is that the Buybull is static and can never be anything else. Theists make up more shit to explain what they believe, and many today think that "heaven" is yet another "dimension." This belief takes a protected doctrine and places it in more supernaturalism so as to protect it from reason and logic.

Hence the believer can always say "what if" to any of their beliefs and also bark out "you don't know." Well, surprise! They don't know either.

Along with this belief and changes to it within my lifetime is the belief in a bodily resurrection. The Buybull talks of this but the modern theist claims your body "is not going." If the mind is dead I wonder what they think is going? Since you are "the soul" what paranormal events and supernaturalism are being talked about here? They make it up as they go.

The Buybull becomes only an outline.

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