Help! I just got off the phone with my best friend. I started telling her about an event I attended recently. When I mentioned the group's name (which included the word "atheist") it was like I had rung a bell for Pavlov's dog! She immediately went on a rant about how she is "sick of atheists," and how "stupid" they are to be "angry at God."
This shook me up because normally she is a wonderful friend. She is a non-practicing Jew who was raised completely secular. I've been open with her about the full extent of my apostasy, and I've even identified myself as an atheist to her before. Perhaps she didn't believe me? What is there about that word?
The friend I mentioned at the start of this discussion was one of the few people in my life that I thought would accept me and understand!
It sounds like she is reacting to the "angry atheist" stereotype - the guy (usually a guy) who goes around trying to corner believers with Bible contradictions, who hates religion, talks a lot about pedophile priests, etc. etc.
That stereotype is different from just saying that you don't believe in God. If you had told your friend you had been to a meeting with some nonreligious people, likely that would have provoked no reaction from her. There are lots and LOTS of people who don't believe in God, who don't fit that stereotype.
It isn't so much about what kinds of people are atheists (=nonbelievers) in other words. The stereotype is about people who call themselves atheists, for whom being atheist is a large part of their identity. People who are anti-religious rather than just not believing.
I don't mean to pass judgement on anti-theism. A/N has a lot of anti-religious talk as you've probably noticed :) and I don't categorically disagree with it.
So your friend may still continue to be your friend and may not be casting judgement on you. After all, you don't seem much like that atheist stereotype either :)
Haha thanks, yeah I usually don't fit in anybody's stereotype.
I think I'll start using the label "nonreligious" at least around certain people. That is definitely less threatening. The word "atheist" somehow connotes the idea of aggressiveness to some people, even though I know better.
It's frustrating to have to watch my wording so that someone doesn't jump on me. I'm not very good at it.
So do you feel angry about it? Was anger part of your meltdown?
Sometimes with a religious friend, they are hoping to convert you and they go away once they give up. So I guess you might have to brace for tons of chaos and disruption.
In some situations - e.g. when I'm teaching - I say that I'm a humanist. People could work out from that that I'm a horrible atheist, but they never do. They're content with the label I show them.
"Because consciousness really is special. That the universe, in us, would have become self aware ... That is incredible! Conscious evolved beings may be very rare in our universe."
I just read a "ex-timony" just this morning by Steve Locks on the Leaving Christianity website. He speaks of the idea of consciousness as adding to his road out of religion. You might enjoy this:
It struck me suddenly that to be such a deeply conscious aware human being in life and then to "not exist" is a far more powerful thing than an afterlife or anything God could do. The heroism and tragedy of human life which is so marvellous and yet is capable of ending had a very big impact on me. It was partly the feeling that the universe had created something greater than itself - conscious, aware, striving man who is doomed after a short spell of the miracle of awareness to complete oblivion. The power and impact of such a thought (this is the important bit of the experience that really got me thinking) was completely lost if God existed, or was even thought to exist, which really struck me as remarkable.
Steve Locks' full story HERE.
YES! I am angry with god! I'm also angry at Santa and the Easter Bunny.
While quitting Catholicism in college I visited the student atheist club and heard people saying they "knew" there was no god. I was majoring in math, and for me "knowledge" required evidence. They had none and I chose agnosticism.
Fifty five years later I realized that no thunderbolts had provided evidence and I climbed down from what some people (militants, I suppose) call a fence. I'd been too busy and too happy to concern myself with what anyone called it.
I had come to see both major political parties as about equally corrupt and so was an independent voter. In 1974 I ran in a Republican primary for a legislative seat. I did well but the incumbent won. When President Reagan invited xian fundamentalists to join the Repub Party, I resolved to not vote Repub again until they left. I became, and still am, a church/state separation activist.
Someday, but not during my lifetime, religious education will be seen as child abuse and made unlawful.
Just say the word A THE IST! Isn't that a beautiful sound. Notice how the lips form a smile at the beginning with the A, a pleasant tongue to the teeth with THE, and a delightful sssttt sound at the end with the ist!
It sounds like a beautiful word, a great word to say first thing in the morning and the last word from a mouth before sleep.
May you each have an atheist day!
Very zenlike, isn't it.
What's the sound of no hands clapping?
It is a beautiful sound Joan, and a beautiful thought. Thanks you. I'm saving it.
Haha I love this, Joan. I think we should start using "atheist" instead of "cheese" when we take photos.
From Luara above: "So do you feel angry about it? Was anger part of your meltdown?"
Maybe I had a little anger, but it was more like part of the grieving process. When I lost my faith, I think I reacted almost like someone who had lost a spouse. God was truly as real to me as my own husband. The stages of grief were very apparent, and I seemed to go through them for many different reasons. Plus I was so distraught that I showed all the signs of PTSD - tremors, numbness, feeling disassociated, nightmares, loss of concentration, and on and on. This went on for months. It was ridiculous, really. I'm doing much better now, and I really need to face the music with my Christian friends. But the fact that this has all been so distressing makes me more afraid of their anger - like a grieving widow who fears that everyone will accuse her of killing her husband.
"Sometimes with a religious friend, they are hoping to convert you and they go away once they give up. So I guess you might have to brace for tons of chaos and disruption."
Yeah, I think the secular friend from my original question will be fine eventually, but I'm definitely bracing for the worst with my Christian friends. It complicates things because my husband is still a believer and our main social group are all evangelical Christians from our church. Also, his side of the family are all very serious believers: pastors, missionaries, children's directors for their church, etc.
I'll may be surprised at who can handle it well or not at all. They all know I'm "having issues with faith" and I haven't attended church for several months. But I'm still plotting as to how to really come all the way out as a totally settled non-supernaturalist. I've been attending local atheist get-togethers in my area, so I don't want to hide that from them.
Now I understand why some people write a general "coming out" letter and send it to everyone they know. It seems a little over-dramatic but I would love to avoid the endless discussions!