I live in a very religious town, so I hear this saying about 2 or 3 times every week, whether it be to me or someone near me.  I usually don't respond when it is said to me, but what do you think a good response would be?

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oops meant to say:

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

It was off the top of my head...

I'd hope for a funnier less mean sounding reply if it happens again.

I would just give them a weird look. Not sure what to say to that one. I'll read the replies for some ideas.

I should have said, "Oh he says that to all the girls."

  1. Oh, did you say, "Jesus loves shoes?"
  2. There's nothing sadder than unrequited love.
  3. Well, why doesn't he call?
  4. Yeah, but he hates critical thinking.
  5. The last time I had a third party informed me of someone else's love was 7th grade.
  6. I KNOW! I'm going to have to take out a restraining order if he doesn't leave me the fuck alone!

Jesus loves you, or is it just gas?

Jesus who?

He doesn't call, he doesn't write,
I think he jerk me 'round for spite!

Yeah, Jesus loves me ... that and $0.55 will get me a cup of coffee from the machine at the commissary.

"Thank you". If you want to go further, "that's nice of you but I don't believe in superstition", "but I appreciate your good heart and loving wishes".

I like this one from The Big Lebowski, "Nobody fucks with the Jesus!"

I remember hearing a preacher in church tell the congregation that when God comes to you, he usually comes to you through people. Now it's true that inscripture he does, but it's also very common in the Bible for God to show up and slap some bitches for their disrespect. 

My advice would be to use logic and be nice about it. Although they're being presumptuous, annoying and naiive when they say "Jesus loves you", I think it's more effective to get them to think about their reasoning rather than just piss them off. That way you have the chance to bring them to reason instead of polarizing them further into their own faith.

My Response:

"Why doesn't he tell me himself? Why doesn't he come down to earth, sit with me in the darkest hours of my life, through the loss of friends, the pain of grief, the death of loved ones, the genocide of my countrymen, the injustices of our time, and comfort me? Why doesn't he answer all the questions I asked as a child when I believed he was there? When you talk to him next, ask him that. I'll believe in your god when He gives me a reason to. Not you."

You can shorten it if you want, just an idea. People telling me Jesus loves me is especially offensive to me because I value love so dearly, and think it should be respected as a verb, not just a feeling. So when people tell me Jesus loves me I rage at them for comparing Jesus to the love of my father, mother, friends or girlfriend, who have shown me more love, care and reason to believe in love than Jesus ever has.

Believers' yap about their savior working through others is one of the biggest dodges I've seen in their playbook, and I'm in complete agreement about demanding a removal of intermediaries.  People can love, aid and support others with no more belief than in that action as a means of "raising all boats."  I frequently help others for no other reason than I LIKE to help others.  Nothing else has anything to do with my action, least of all some insubstantial deity.

If some god wants to express his/her/its appreciation for me, it can do so in person and without all the mumbo-jumbo.  Those acting as putative intermediaries can either give me one hell of a good reason to believe their not just acting on their own behalf or get summarily dismissed.  I have a low tolerance for bullshit, and this is bullshit of the worst sort.

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