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What is the best response to "Jesus loves you"?

I live in a very religious town, so I hear this saying about 2 or 3 times every week, whether it be to me or someone near me. I usually don't respond when it is said to me, but what do you think a good response would be?

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Permalink Reply by James Boring on July 10, 2012 at 11:57pm

I just had this happen to me.

I replied (my first gut response),

"I have no idea you're talking about."

You guys had some better ones, but I just wanted to share.

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Permalink Reply by James Boring on July 11, 2012 at 3:42am

oops meant to say:

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

It was off the top of my head...

I'd hope for a funnier less mean sounding reply if it happens again.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on July 11, 2012 at 1:04am

I would just give them a weird look. Not sure what to say to that one. I'll read the replies for some ideas.

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Permalink Reply by James Boring on July 11, 2012 at 4:05am

I should have said, "Oh he says that to all the girls."

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Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on July 11, 2012 at 3:51am

Oh, did you say, "Jesus loves shoes?"
There's nothing sadder than unrequited love.
Well, why doesn't he call?
Yeah, but he hates critical thinking.
The last time I had a third party informed me of someone else's love was 7th grade.
I KNOW! I'm going to have to take out a restraining order if he doesn't leave me the fuck alone!

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Permalink Reply by James Boring on July 11, 2012 at 3:56am

Jesus loves you, or is it just gas?

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Permalink Reply by A. R. on July 11, 2012 at 10:00pm

Jesus who?

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Permalink Reply by Loren Miller on July 11, 2012 at 10:18pm

He doesn't call, he doesn't write,
I think he jerk me 'round for spite!

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Permalink Reply by Loren Miller on July 11, 2012 at 10:19pm

Yeah, Jesus loves me ... that and $0.55 will get me a cup of coffee from the machine at the commissary.

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Permalink Reply by Sassan K. on July 11, 2012 at 10:23pm

"Thank you". If you want to go further, "that's nice of you but I don't believe in superstition", "but I appreciate your good heart and loving wishes".

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Permalink Reply by James Boring on July 14, 2012 at 8:17pm

I like this one from The Big Lebowski, "Nobody fucks with the Jesus!"

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Permalink Reply by Anthony Jones on July 15, 2012 at 10:40am

I remember hearing a preacher in church tell the congregation that when God comes to you, he usually comes to you through people. Now it's true that inscripture he does, but it's also very common in the Bible for God to show up and slap some bitches for their disrespect.

My advice would be to use logic and be nice about it. Although they're being presumptuous, annoying and naiive when they say "Jesus loves you", I think it's more effective to get them to think about their reasoning rather than just piss them off. That way you have the chance to bring them to reason instead of polarizing them further into their own faith.

My Response:

"Why doesn't he tell me himself? Why doesn't he come down to earth, sit with me in the darkest hours of my life, through the loss of friends, the pain of grief, the death of loved ones, the genocide of my countrymen, the injustices of our time, and comfort me? Why doesn't he answer all the questions I asked as a child when I believed he was there? When you talk to him next, ask him that. I'll believe in your god when He gives me a reason to. Not you."

You can shorten it if you want, just an idea. People telling me Jesus loves me is especially offensive to me because I value love so dearly, and think it should be respected as a verb, not just a feeling. So when people tell me Jesus loves me I rage at them for comparing Jesus to the love of my father, mother, friends or girlfriend, who have shown me more love, care and reason to believe in love than Jesus ever has.