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What if Jesus was wrong about everything - except the Second Coming?

Silly game time!

OK, let me tell you this: Jesus existed. Really. And yes, he died on the cross, expecting daddy would bring him back to life within a few hours. Or days, or weeks, depending on daddy's mood at the moment. The ways of God are inscrutable, even to His own progeny.

What Jesus wasn't aware of, though, is he picked the wrong religious doctrine to start with. In this alternate world, it's Buddha who got it right: resurrection doesn't work, reincarnation is the only way out.

So, according to you, what kind of animal, or plant, or which historical (or fictional) person did Jesus reincarnate into?

(Given the long days he spent hung up to a piece of wood, I'd guess he was reborn a termite.)

If you feel uninspired, try with Muhammad. Or L. Ron Hubbard, or whomever you see fit - as long as this person is supposed to come back from the dead at some point.

Tags: I'll be back!, Second Coming, game, reincarnation

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Permalink Reply by Sam in WV on June 8, 2010 at 7:20pm

Jesus was an "old soul" when he died. When he lived, he did much to contribute to good "karma". If he realized what he did and ascribed to the correct beliefs, he may even have attained the status of "buddha" and broken the cycle to achieve "nirvana".

But in his delusion in his life and death, his "karma" was very bad and he came back as one of the starving predatory animals the Romans captured to feed condemned criminals to in public spectacles. Yes, some of the criminals the reincarnated Jesus attacked and ate were convicted of "blasphemy" and "atheism", what would eventually come to be called "followers of Jesus" and "Christians".

How is that for delicious irony?

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Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on June 17, 2010 at 8:40am

Mmm... delicious irony!

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Permalink Reply by Ann on June 8, 2010 at 7:23pm

If one was misfortunate in his past life, he is supposed to do good in the next. So, Jesus would be either a really happy beaver or Bill Gates.

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Permalink Reply by Jaume on June 9, 2010 at 12:45am

Oh, nevermind you said historical not fictional.

Good point. Fictional is fine.

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Permalink Reply by Olga Spelts (Human Bean) on June 9, 2010 at 11:49am

"Oh, I know how about one of those african toads that how they reproduce is the eggs and sperm or whatever gets implanted under the skin of the mama toad's back, then when they are incubated enough the young erupt through the skin from places all over the mama toad's back"

One word. Ewwwww!

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Permalink Reply by Abnormal on June 8, 2010 at 10:59pm

Ted Williams.

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Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on June 9, 2010 at 1:23am

I think he came back as a VERY LOUD FART in church and just shocked the live'n shit out of a bunch of little old ladies.

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Permalink Reply by amer muhammad on June 9, 2010 at 1:49am

There are millions of lies spoken to children by the parents every day. He shouldn,t have trusted his father on such a critical issue of life and death.