After my failed relationships, taking a step back and reviewing them, I catch myself wondering... What is love really?

I have a teen staying with me for the remainder of the summer, and I always hear him on the phone talking to his "girlfirends" and saying "I love you" so freeley.

I asked him to ask one of them what love meant to her and she could not give him an answer.

So now Im wondering even more what others consider "real unconditional love" to be.

 

I have my ideas, but I would like to know what others are thinking.

 

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Replies to This Discussion

I don't know. Weight is the first thing I notice about a girl. My mother is obese. I had assumed any girlfriend I had was going to be obese. I thought people would be shocked and I thought I would need an excuse for why I had chosen such a fat girl. Then I realized that I was just thinking of a girl who would be similar to my mother. Then I made a conscious decision to only chose a girl who is skinny. I'm 5 ft 3 in and about 121-123 lbs. I haven't decided whether I will change my mine and accept an overweight girl, given that I am 27 and have never been in any relationship and never had any woman friend. (I have few male friends and nobody I would talk to outside of work. I normally don't go to bars, and I think alcohol is very bad for you.)
If you're looking at it from a health perspective, it's different. If you're thinking about pregnancy being easier for her, if she's in good shape ... or the general health of being in better shape making her internal organs work better and making it easier for her to get pregnant ...

Yeah, then you've got an argument. I don't see any of that in your statements, though. The only things I've seen are your bewilderment over how your brother could find her attractive and snide jokes like the one about her breaking the bed. I don't see how any of that is your business.
I wonder if I've ever REALLY felt it for another person. How do you separate love from lust?
Hmmmmm ...

Love is what you feel when they're not there?

Love is what you feel that has nothing to do with sex? ... except part of it has to do with them being of the opposite sex, so ... hrrrrmm.

It's hard to put a solid definition on it.
"Love" is a label which we apply to a wide range of emotional and psychological feelings, thoughts and phenomenons. There is not a single, objective definition of love. Love means different things to different people. It's like asking "what is god?" Just as the label "god" applies to a huge range of concepts, so does love.

I think the word is only really useful once you have explained to the person you are speaking to what you are calling "love". Unless you tell them what you mean by "love", it's pretty much impossible for them to understand what in the world it is which you are really trying to communicate.
Personally, I feel that if you truly love someone, you care so much for the person that you truly want what's best for him or her. There's a big different between merely feeling happy or infatuated around that person and truly loving that person.

However, I think Nick is right when he says that "love means different things to different people." I personally feel people should not be using the word love when they're only aware that they feel infatuated with the other person. Being "in love with" someone is different from actually loving the person. Really loving the other person means automatically thinking about the other person's perspective, taking joy in thinking about how to delight him or her, and frequently feeling empathy for that person---in my opinion.

Many people are not actually able to "love" in that way, at least not right away. It takes quite a bit of time with someone before you can really say you even know that person, let alone love him or her. There's also a lot of personal growth, personal awareness and maturity required of both people in order to manage and balance each person's needs and concerns with the other.

I imagine lots of people don't share my definition of love, though.
"Many people are not actually able to "love" in that way, at least not right away. It takes quite a bit of time with someone before you can really say you even know that person, let alone love him or her. There's also a lot of personal growth, personal awareness and maturity required of both people in order to manage and balance each person's needs and concerns with"

I agree there! My last relationship moved so fast, we never really got the time to really truely get to know each other before we said our "I love you's" and I wish I would have taken the time to get to know him better.
The relationship lasted 5 years, and the longer it lasted, the more I realized I wasnt "in love" with him. I just like to call it "Honemoon stage blindness".
"I think the word is only really useful once you have explained to the person you are speaking to what you are calling "love". Unless you tell them what you mean by "love", it's pretty much impossible for them to understand what in the world it is which you are really trying to communicate."

I think that is totally right! So many people dont think about that stuff when they get told "I love you", all they seem to think is "oh, they love me! Im so happy" and never think "I wonder what their concept of love is", and rarely do they ask.
The only way to know when love is unconditional, and not just an passing emotion, or lust, is with time. You need a lot of time to get used to the person, until they start to feel like family, until they've made and impact on your life, until they're irreplaceable, until you aren't clouded by emotion and sexual desire, and it does happen eventually. Even though my ex is constantly pissing me off and I don't agree with her about anything, I still "love" her because we were together so long, now she's like a sister or something, and I have no sexual desire toward her, but I'm still there for her. That's my humble opinion =P..
When you base a relationship on sex, when she doesnt want to have sex with you, then she is replaced? Wouldnt that not be real love then? More of an infatuation?
Maybe that is what is wrong with relationships these days, the reason why they just dont last as long as they once used to.

I know that I never want a relationship based on sex, doing it is good, and important when the time is right. It should never be a situation where the other partner has to feel like if they want to keep the person that they may actually have feelings for they will "have to" have intercorse with them. If you do your research, most Womens shelters will consider that to be sexual abuse, weather or not you or them know that. But I think if you really want to "Love" someone, there has to be way more to it than "lets have sex or Im dumping you"
There are articles about how psychologists realize that it is not healthy to go too long without having sex.

You frequently say this, and now you've linked sex to things that could potentially kill you if you go for long enough time without them (water, air, sleep): either link up or shut up.

Here's my put up: http://thehill.com/capital-living/in-the-know/84327-if-you-dont-hav...

In his deposition, Gibbons said he hasn’t had sex with anyone since 1995, adding that he’s “living proof that you can survive without sex for that long.”

If anything, it's obsessing over lack of sex to the point that you drive yourself nuts, and you off yourself. That's probably what'll kill you, but not having sex, in and of itself, probably won't kill you, or else long time virgins and celibate monks, would all be dead, wouldn't they?
Was that reply supposed to be to me? I didn't say any of that... =/

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