A frog was sitting on a lily pad and realized that it really was getting run down. Wanting a better pad he soon realized that he might be able to finance a new pad. So he gathered his information and went to the local bank.
Upon entering the bank, he asked to speak to someone about financing his new lily pad. But no one would help him, in fact they ignored him. He thought that just because he was a frog didn't mean that he should be treated with respect. So he hopped into the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor.
When the doors opened, he saw a large foyer with great oak doors on the far side. To the right of the doors was a desk with a friendly-looking lady behind it. In front of her was a name placard: Patricia Black.
"Excuse me, Ms. Black" the frog croaked, "but I would like to see the bank president, Mr Simmons."
The lady looked at him and said, "I am sorry, but the Mr. Simmons is very busy today."
"I asked downstairs to see someone about financing a new lily pad but everyone ignored me. I feel like they didn't want to talk to me because I am a frog!"
"Well that should NOT have happened, sir, I apologize," she replied, "we have a nondiscrimination policy here at the bank. I will see if I can fit you into Mr. Simmon's schedule."
As luck would have it, Mr. Simmons had just gotten off the phone and after a quick chat with Ms. Black she brought the frog into a cavernous office behind the large oak doors.
"Well, Mr. Frog," Mr. Simmons began, "what can I help you with today?"
"I came to see about setting up a mortgage for a new lily pad," the frog replied. "I need to borrow $20,000."
"I see," said Mr. Simmons. "Mr. Frog, you realize that when the bank lends you money that you need to provide some sort of collateral to back the money. A lily pad, no offense intended, is not adequate to cover for $20,000. Do you have any other collateral?"
The frog reached into his pocket, pulled out a snow globe, shook it a few times, and put it on the desk in front of Mr. Simmons.
"Ah," said Mr. Simmons, "That will do just fine, Mr. Frog." To Ms. Black, who was still standing near the door, he said, "Patricia, would you please arrange for someone to draw up the paperwork?"
She thought Mr. Simmons had lost his mind. "A snow globe as collateral $20,000?!"
Mr Simmons understood her confusion and said, "It's a knick knack, Patti Black, give the frog a loan!"
A friend of mine sent me this when I asked him about some confusing work issues. He has this strangely fascinating ability to make a pun out of anything.
"I have found a new device to help me make decisions. It turns out that I always need someone to take any statement I might make and argue the other side to give me a balance. Since I couldn't find anyone to be around me regularly I trained a fruit instead. It is my devil's advocato.
A king that lived on a tropical island, in a house made of grass, had a habit of collecting all sort of exotic thrones. He had dozens of different thrones. Eventually his subjects began to warn him that if he didn't cease buy thrones his palace wouldn't be able to hold them all.
He ignored their warnings, and sure enough, his house collasped.
Moral of the story?
"People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."
OK. I am venting. My mother died two weeks ago. She was a “god fearing christian.” Before her death she refused all medical treatment. She wanted to be left alone. She even refused to speak with my brother who is a methodist minister. He is a pip, let me tell you! I suspect she did not believe, but a woman born in her time could not and did not state her actual beliefs. This is the opening salvo to all christians; FUCK YOU! I had so many people come and tell…
This probably should not have shocked me as much as it did (especially since I am in Texas). I actually thought my coworkers were playing a joke on me because they know I am an atheist. Sadly, this was no joke. This actually happened.
I work in a psychiatric hospital. The doctors who admit patients are general MDs. (Psychiatrists see patients after admission) Yesterday evening we received several calls from irate parents. A new doctor who was doing admissions yesterday actually…
No Jason Torpy it is you that should be banned for promoting atheism, a belief that has no foundation in reality and zero proof behind it. The letter was a mockery of your atheist beliefs. I request to the board here that they remove Jason for his unverifiable beliefs in atheism for which he has no proof other than his arrogance. The letter was a mockery of atheism. Atheism is stupid and it should be mocked and it…
for once you and I can agree on something. We should disrespect beliefs that are untenable such as the belief that there is no God. Indeed for me to respect you Jason, I cannot respect your belief in non-belief in atheism. Your atheism comes across as arrogrance, smugness, and self righteous. Indeed after reading "An Open Letter to My Religious Friends" I penned one…