Top Ten Reasons its good to be an Atheist

I've been watching too much Letterman lately, so I've put togther a Top Ten List; Top ten reasons its good to be an Atheist. So bear with me, here we go:

10. We can sleep in on Sundays

9. We don't have to spend an hour out of our weekend sitting on a cramped wooden bench in a stuffy room with about 100 other people

8. We have better sex lives since we can do it outside of marriage and no positions are off limits

7. We can eat and drink whatever the hell we want

6. If someone asks what we yell out in bed, we can just say, "Ask your wife"

5. It's amazing how much you save on gas when you don't have to got church once a week for an hour and then wait in the parking lot another hour to get out.

4. Three words: WE GOT POTTER!

3. Our copies of the bible serve multiple purposes (I've used bibles to prop up the kitchen table, as a coaster, when I'm out of toilet paper, etc.)

2. The money we save by not putting it in the collection plate can go to pimping our rides

1. We're smarter and we tend to be right

Tags: atheist, humor, top ten

5 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sandi on June 5, 2012 at 11:00am

it was a public school in Australia during the '70's. We were only separated into groups just for religious classes, I think once a week.

Both my daughters attended a Catholic high school (husband's request...) and yet they were not baptized or christened.

Permalink Reply by Alex Barnham on June 6, 2012 at 7:02am

I taught in a US Catholic school K-8...I taught 7th & 8th English & science, 8th homeroom...the kids were forced to go to Mass once a month and the principal was a nun who lined them all up and hit them with a 5 pound bell if they misbehaved and slapped them repeatedly with her hand if she got real mad. I was always sick on those days and stayed in the classroom to correct homework. One marking period, I gave every student an "A" and the principal told me I couldn't do that - I had to mark them on a bell curve. It was hilarious. I remember she was as ugly as a horse and her breath was worse. She was definitely Old Testament.

Permalink Reply by Vic Marquis on August 29, 2012 at 10:06am

Most catholic schools admit non-catholics - for the tuition money. And catholic high schools will admit any kid if that kid fills a need on a sports team (a ringer?).

Permalink Reply by Paula T. on June 7, 2012 at 10:24pm

Alex, the students only went to mass once a month? When I went to Catholic school, as well as when my sons attended, we went to mass every week. I worked in their school, and every day, the students were supposed to pray - first thing in the morning, before going to lunch, and at the end of the day. There were times when I subbed for the 8th grade teacher and we were running late getting to the lunch room. I'd dismiss them - without a prayer - and when a couple of students asked "Aren't we going to pray?" I replied with "Pray on your way there." LOL

Permalink Reply by Alex Barnham on June 8, 2012 at 7:52am

And God said to the taxi driver, you son, shall enter the kingdom of heaven for you brought many to their knees and really knew the fear of the Lord. Your friend, Father Mulcahy should be so lucky.

Permalink Reply by Paula T. on June 7, 2012 at 10:33pm

Regarding #9 - the last few times I attended mass, I was so bored out of my skull, I ended up counting the stained glass windows or ceiling panels or the bricks/stones of the wall...or all three. I kept thinking to myself, "I can't believe people are buying this BS." It was hard to sit there and not laugh or groan and roll my eyes.

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on June 8, 2012 at 5:33am

Yep, my mom owes me about 10 zillion hours of wasted life force for times I spent in that altar to superstitious nonsense when I was growing up.

Permalink Reply by Alex Barnham on June 8, 2012 at 8:00am

God owes me 10 zillion hours of "get out of purgatory" indulgences thanks to my father's blasphemous dictations. The Catholic church has, in their ineffable wisdom, given permission to say "ejaculations" when someone used the name of the Lord in vain. I used to do that until I learned how to really ejaculate.

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on June 8, 2012 at 8:28am

LMAO! A religious upbringing makes for a deadly atheist in debates with the reality challenged.

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on June 8, 2012 at 12:11am

Awesome!

Permalink Reply by Edward Teach on June 8, 2012 at 8:33am

11. We don't have to address sneezes with platitudes.

12. We have no guilt about really fucking with Jehova's Witnesses

Permalink Reply by Steph S. on June 22, 2012 at 9:25pm