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To Allow Or Not To Allow?

When me and my husband were married 12 years ago we had an understanding as far as how we'd raise our children in regards to religion. At the time I was a non-practicing jew and he was a practicing xtian. Since religion was insignificant to me I agreed to let him raise our kids xtian. In 2007 we welcomed our daughter to the world. He is still the same but in the past year I have been awakened to the fact that I have never believed in god. Now,I am extremely squeamish of the thought of her being raised xtian. I am concerned about the kind of woman she will grow up to be if she believes in that garbage. I know just because she goes to church as a child it doesn't mean she will believe as an adult;however,she will be surrounded by bad influences that will attempt to brain wash her. I am at a loss of what to do. Me and my husband had an agreement and I don't want to go back on that. We are both her parents and my husband has a right to expose her to his beliefs. I know I will definitely tell her about mine! So...what should I do? Let her go but educate her about my non-beliefs too,and hope she doesn't go to the darkside? Put a stop to her going so I could save her soul? In the end,I know it is HER choice.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 10, 2010 at 12:21pm

I thank you so much for the comment. My husband in fact was raised from childhood NOT to believe in Santa. He also agrees with me that what she believes is up to her. I have been fortunate to be married to a theist that understands you can't force someone's thoughts and feelings about this topic. I like what you said about explaining Santa and religion to her. I was planning on letting her know if she asked that he is not real but a lot of fun to imagine. At that age pretend play is a big part of their lives and Mr.Claus will just be an addition to that. Just as she has been going to church early she will learn about skepticism as soon as she is able to understand it. I have actually been looking for nontheist books and videos for children but haven't had any luck so far. I also completely agreed with your last sentence. I will accept and love her just as much whether she is a xtian or atheist....just like I do with her daddy. If she turns out to be the kind of xtian her dad is than I can be ok with it. The only thing me and my hubby cross paths over is the subject of homosexuality;that I would prefer my daughter share MY views on. I will say this:my husband is not hateful towards them but does not think it is morally right. He has made friendships with gay people despite his feelings. That is also something I worry about should my daughter be a gay woman,but that is a WHOLE other long topic. I have rambled enough,lol.

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Permalink Reply by Patricia on July 10, 2010 at 12:49pm

Dan Barker has a book for kids called ''god is just pretend'' you may like to check out.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 10, 2010 at 1:02pm

Definitely! I have his book,godless.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 11, 2010 at 10:06am

That is true,TheNerd. I suppose it depends also on what the community you live in is like. I am planning on raising my daughter to have a mind of her own and not follow the herd blindly. That's cool your son is three. My daughter is also. She was born March 21,2007. When was your son born?

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 11, 2010 at 9:08pm

Good for you. So far my daughter knows nothing,also. She is in the nursery while my husband is listening to the service.

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Permalink Reply by damian on July 13, 2010 at 9:45pm

It's only fair that your child get equal time, if your husband teaches her his beliefs. Teach her to question instead of following blindly. I have a feeling she will come around to logic, and realize it's more fun than the religious stuff. I'm not a parent, but children seem to break things down in a very simple way, and it's refreshing. She might surprise you too.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 14, 2010 at 5:44am

Thank you.That is what I plan to do. I want her to be aware of everything. All types of faith and to NOT have it. I want her to have that choice so she doesn't resent me for keeping anything from her. However,my hope is that she will be a free-thinking realist like myself. If in her heart she ends up being a theist I atleast want her to be like the rare few I know that are open-minded and kind.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 14, 2010 at 6:38am

Thank you for the comment and great insight,Fred. I will never make her choose. Me and my husband have always respected our difference. Fortunately,it has never been an issue in our marriage. It has been a very loving union.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 14, 2010 at 8:28am

Thanks,Robbie. If she is to have a christian father she will know the whole truth about his faith and not be sugar-coated.

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Rice on July 14, 2010 at 8:48am

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Permalink Reply by Secular Forces 2013 on July 19, 2010 at 8:20pm

I refer to the version of supposed (myth-based) end times;
2012, Mayan calendar said so... When this comes up as a question from usually spanish, white, xtian-based I guess, youngsters, I say:

"did they teach you that in school?" in this case the little one went to a (public-American) school
response:
"no"
stinger:
"..then it's false, not true, it's just TV; tvizfake"

if only the adults would grow up