From time to time my wife gets confused. She thinks she wants to live closer to her job so she doesn't drive 80 miles a day, and this idea has come up twice now in the last year. I've all but declined moving with her as I'm 67 and the house note is less than $200. If we both move the house note will at least triple for an apartment, and we know some that pay $800 plus. I have a modest part time employment and social security. My wife has a professional position with a fair salary, but she won't be stopped on this moving idea even if I pay for her gasoline.
Enter my theist friend "offering counciling" as my title here says. We've known each other since age 13 and were once theists together. He knows my back ground and training, but he knows I'm not following it today, and he might suspect that I am atheist or some other thing happened to make me "angry with god." I have to be "asking him for help" because you simply cannot be just shareing a story on the phone. (Oh, what do I do? What do I do?) If I did ask "what would you do" it certainly wouldn't mean that I asked you to bring along your imaginary friends.
The first thing I'm hearing from him is about "church and community" where the wife and I would have new freinds and activities, a sense of purpose, and something else we could share together. He says that "coming back to church" is the answer. I cautioned him to keep god out of the picture, but agreed with community activies and purpose.
He next gets into the idea that his home, money, and property are an illusion of god. I have twice as much as he does (so he says) even though his mortgage is $1200 while I live in a mobile home. It's simply that he has more assets than I do. I remind him that assets cost money, but he doesn't see this. He has a "special" relationship with god, and he "knows him personally." Again I tell him to leave god out of it.
My friend tells me again that god is his "best friend" and he "talks to his friend every day" and that I need to "meet his friend" and that I can then "talk to him too" and that "god can solve every problem." He continued to rattle on and on as I made an excuse and hung up the phone.
This is a true story, but WHY do theists keep thinking that I want to meet their imaginary friend? How do you believe in the Wizard of Oz once you have seen behind the curtain?
I wasn't going to budge at all. As cheaply as we live it's almost free and I have little money.
You have two separate problems: one is the unpaid counselor who has answers for you; two is the conflict between you and your wife.
It seems to me the religious friend with answers is not a very important one as life's challenges go; decide if you want his advice or not.
The second one is the one with the most pitfalls and serious consequences. How do you want it to be resolved?
Here is where the three "P"s come in: What is probable, possible, preferable.
If you do the probable, you may feel a victim.
If you do the possible, you may get what you bargain for.
If you do the preferable, imagine your preferred option and then do the things that move in that direction.
Remember, there is a cost and benefit by each option.
I will update this all on Monday. A Valentines Day accident has us working together and may have changed everything.
Basicly I ignore my religious friend. It's just that I have known him since age 13.
Sorry about your problem Mike. I think I would tell this friend that if he doesn't quit bringing his imaginary friend into the conversation about your dilemma, he will not be asked or consulted about ANYTHING. I couldn't take that.
Thanks, Mindy. The "problem" has come up before about a year ago. Dealing with the problem is one thing, (and I'm not moving.) To move would be to openly say to yourself that you need to pay MORE for something. That makes no sense to me.
My main purpose in posting it here is so everyone can get the reactions of christians in such a case. That "Buybull" has all the answers, you know. I'm not out as atheist to this friend, but he suspects. Read my last line. I chose that for a reason and I'm planning on starting to use that line with christians!
Mike, that IS a good line to use! I would not move either. We are 46 and 47, and have owned our "starter home", free and clear, for about 6 years. It is in a good area of the city, and we have done MANY things to it to keep it up. Sometimes I think about how I would love a change, but then I think of having a mortgage, and not being able to take vacations, or help our kids out, and I am glad to live here mortgage-free!
That sounds great, Mindy. I'm almost mortgage free with such a low payment, but my wife cannot figure this out. It doesn't compute with her that paying more and having more bills would mean less financial freedom and also not being able to take vacations. Some of this might be because all I've ever required of her is that she pay her credit cards and also buy food. To understand the real world you have to pay some bills. Hopefully you reach a point where you realize how lucky you really are!
(But the christian would say that Jebus done it!)
I do have a religious friend who said we were "blessed" to have no mortgage. HELL NO! We were frugal and smart! WE did it, not some gawd!!!!
Well, Mindy, they think god was making that payment for you. After all, without him you can't even breath! LOL