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Stuff My Mom Says

I'm starting this thread for two reasons. One is to vent and the other is to perhaps get some suggestions in dealing with my Catholic mother. She's 73 and.... On second thought,I don't want to get into an "I'm-not-a-doctor-but-I-think...." evaluation. I'll just vent and if you feel like commenting, I'd appreciate it. Usually I don't say anything because the few times I've stated my views, ended badly--once with her stating that since I "believed in nothing" she didn't want me at her funeral at the church.

So, in the spirit of http://shitmydadsays.com/, I bring you Stuff My Mom Says:

-"You know a man by the friends he keeps I m gald yours friend is God [sic]."

To my brother after he posted a bunch of bible quotes on Facebook:

-"He dislocated his right shoulder. God is good!"

Said to a nurse in the emergency room after my left-handed dad fell down a flight of stairs and dislocated his left arm.

-"You know, I told your dad that his mother held him up as he fell down the stairs and that's why he wasn't injured worse than he was. He was lucky his mom was there to catch him."

Said almost a year after my dad's fall in 2009 (he's still not fully recovered and his mother has been dead since 1991).

I actually responded to this and said, "If she could have prevented him from being hurt worse than he was by holding him up, she could have prevented him tripping in the first place." Her response to me was, "Well maybe he needed to be taught a lesson because the reason he fell was because he was in a hurry down the stairs to catch a basketball game and he didn't put his slippers on all the way." I responded saying, "There are nicer ways of teaching someone that sort of lesson."

-"The question he fails to ans. is who was behine the big bang. that the question they skip around. they wont say a Suprem being. or master of the universe or GOD.oh well someday they will know as we all will. until then I am happy with the God ans. Its like a parent making a child work for the ans. look how much we learn on our before coming to the ans. we are looking for. AMEM [sic]"

A comment on a video of Steven Hawkings talking about finding answer to our "big questions"

http://www.ted.com/talks/stephen_hawking_asks_big_questions_about_t...

I responded "I don't see it that way because too many innocent people suffer and people die needlessly in the process and no parent would allow their children to suffer like we do on earth. I'm glad there are people out there trying to figure out the big answers. Sometimes I wish I were one of them."

-"Catholics are so persecuted. Why is everyone protesting against the Pope? Doctors abuse their patients. Why can't they protest the doctors who have sex with their patients instead of the Pope?"

-"Your marriage failed because God wasn't in your house."

-"Don't say that word. God lives in my house and God doesn't like that word."

Said after one of my kids said a word she didn't like (probably fuck).

-"If something happens to you and your ex doesn't want to let your kids live with him and I have to have them, I'm sending them to Catholic school, making them make all the sacraments and making them go to church and that's that."

(My kids are 16, and 17 years old)

Tags: Catholic, atheism, parents

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Permalink Reply by Shelby on October 1, 2010 at 7:22am

I bet there is more. You should have fun with it and set her up for more 'shit my mom says'. Keep it light and humorous, no arguements on who's right and wrong. It's a crazy world we live in.

On the 'god lives in her house' comment, you should have asked if she gave him your old room.

On the 'your marriage failed b/c god not in your house', well, we know where he was now....shacked up at your mom's house.

I say make it funny instead of being angry.

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Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on October 1, 2010 at 8:44am

You came up with some good comebacks at least.

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Permalink Reply by Michael on October 1, 2010 at 11:36am

Wow this sounds exactly like my mother:

The reason my last relationship did not work out is because I had sex with the girl once 4 months before she showed she couldn't be trusted and didn't respect me. "Well you two had sex, god just wasn't going to bless that."

"Your money would go farther if you would give the first 10% to God."

"I don't think you should date until you get things with god worked out."

"You know why things go so well for your brother, because he obeys god."

"Your child should be circumcised, to be considered clean and godly."
I actually changed her mind on this one with her own bible.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on October 3, 2010 at 1:31pm

God lives in her house? Does he help her with the rent? Chipping in on the utilities? I thought not.
God's traditionally been more of a taker than a giver.

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Permalink Reply by T Rose on October 16, 2010 at 4:19pm

Loved all your responses. I got some new material from mom and her believing friends.

Regarding the Chilean Miners on Facebook:

Mom: Thank God 13 up and 20 to go. Keep them in your prayers.
Mary: Keep us updated. God is good.
Kim: A miracle in the making.
Mom: Thank the Good Lord for making it possible to have Chila and the world get these men out. Just goes to show how people can come together to help eachother..Good will alway outshine evil.. and pray will always win.
Mary: Absolutely. It is nothing short of miraculous that those men survived all that time, and that every single one came out alive and well.

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Permalink Reply by Loren Miller on October 17, 2010 at 5:30am

Oooooooooooh, yeah, prayer will always win ... just like Darfur and Haiti and those poorly built Chinese schools and Rwanda a few years back and New Orleans after Katrina and ... ya want me to keep going?

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Permalink Reply by T Rose on October 17, 2010 at 6:15am

The way my brain works is: What about all the other thousands of people who died horrible, painful deaths at the same moments the miners were being rescued? Where was god for them? Or where was god while they were being trapped? Why didn't he rescue them within a few hours? Why did he need all the prayers and petitions? Why did he wait so long? Why did he allow for so much suffering. Because godisimaginary.com.

And, if you're Christian, wouldn't you be excited about the prospect of dying and being in heaven with Jesus? Why do Christians behave as if death is a bad thing when it's what's going to get them to heaven to be with their beloved Jesus?

I wondered about these same questions when I was a kid but figured since all the adults around me didn't have the same questions and I certainly wasn't encouraged to ask, I'd figure it out when I got older. The only thing I figured out was that people are nuts.

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Permalink Reply by T Rose on October 22, 2010 at 9:51pm

Posted on Facebook by my brother who is a practising Catholic....

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My brother: Teaching my daughter about John Lennon. Posting this just to remind.....
[posts the Imagine video and lyrics]

Mom: are you telling her that he did not believe in God and that he was a atheist and so was Stalin, Lenin, Moa and all the other jolly good fellow.

My brother: Teaching her the facts. I can't tell you what he felt in his heart.
----------------

I know discussion is futile. I'm just venting. When I posted the Imagine video on my Facebook on Lennon's birthday a few weeks ago, I deleted her comment which read, "I guess he's in heaven now and is realizing that he's not God." One of her "go to" arguments against atheists is that "they all think they're god and when they die they'll realize they're not" and she says that about everyone she doesn't like whether they are religious or not.

I'm glad my brother replied as he did and am kinda surprised and saddened that he didn't turn out to be atheist because growing up he was very much into the Beatles as well as stuff like Monty Python and the Life of Brian movie. Currently he's a practicing Catholic married to a very religious, overbearing and controlling girl for the past 20 years and he has also been heavily addicted to prescription anti-depressants for many years as well as (according to my sister-in-law) pornography. I'm wondering if religion is responsible (in part) for his addictions. Although I like my sister-in-law as a person, my brother is nothing like the happy-go-lucky, lighthearted person he was before he met her at the age of 20.

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Permalink Reply by Franny K on December 26, 2011 at 6:11pm

Mine wold be more of "Shit my MIL says" - she's had some doozys, believe me. Many have been extremely tragic and hurtful to my husband, but some have also been quite funny. When we were planning our non-religious wedding she said she would not attend, because "God was not invited". I told my DH to tell her that she could invite God as her "plus-one". Hey, we wouldn't even need to include him in the food count for the caterer!