Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by funk Q on August 26, 2010 at 7:12am

I am confident that Funk Q would tell me to fuck off if I were to attack him personally

No I wouldn't nor would I complain. I don't find that sort of carry on worth the effort and that's why I have withdrawn from participating much in discussions anymore. My life and enjoyment of the material universe is far more important than bickering about irrelevancies.

I might have you hunted down slaughtered and use your skin to make ugg boots not because I'm vindictive, I just like aimless killing.

Permalink Reply by Richard Haynes on August 26, 2010 at 7:57am

@Funk Q: As humorous as your comment may be, it speaks to the core of the issue.

Nexus is not just a place for the forum pros, and people who spew craziness. We have several members who are casual participants and want to use Nexus as they do Facebook. Instead of fighting back, they simply leave. On rare occasions, they'll send me an email or approach me at a convention and say something like, "Hey, nice site. But I have enough stress at work. This place is not for me."

Permalink Reply by Richard Haynes on August 26, 2010 at 8:27am

@Fred: This post was not meant to be a policy change. I made it clear that I wanted to start a discussion.

I used the title because I was frustrated and I want the "madness" to stop.

You say you are a "lazy person." However, you post your opinions more than almost anyone. Perhaps you should spend more time reading, and not as much commenting.

Permalink Reply by ryan cameron on August 26, 2010 at 9:37am

"Perhaps you should spend more time reading, and not as much commenting." thats good advice for many of us...myself included!

Permalink Reply by Richard Haynes on August 26, 2010 at 9:43am

@ryan: And me too.

I always try (not always successfully) to live by the principle:

"Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

Permalink Reply by sacha on August 25, 2010 at 2:21am

If you notice, I've agreed with John above. John and I have had some debates and arguments, and have vehemently disagreed on a few topics. We were not afraid to say what we felt, we did not walk on eggshells. If I had taken offense, and stomp away pouting and whining about him hurting my feelings, if I had held a grudge, I never would have found out how much I like him. It turns out we agree a lot more than we disagree, and I have a lot of respect for him. This is called maturity. If John had decided I was a big meanie, and never took a moment to consider that just because we disagreed does not mean I have attacked him, he would never have had that respect.

Permalink Reply by sacha on August 27, 2010 at 1:16am

The unmentionable person here referred to as "He" is supposed to be direct and to not stay silent.

I have looked for comments from him in this thread but maybe he is on travel and have no computer then?

Fred, this is a perfect example of you baiting him, and then crying when he takes the bait and responds.

Clearly you are not only obsessed with felch, you crave his attention.

He has made it perfectly clear how he feels about this topic many times elsewhere.

You completely miss the point of when I spoke of him being direct and not staying silent. I was referring to members being self-absorbed and out of control, not swooping in to defend himself. There is no need for him to defend himself, you are making a fool of yourself quite well on your own.

Permalink Reply by sacha on August 27, 2010 at 1:44am

actually, Fred I don't think you missed the point of what I said. I think it is more insidious than that. I think you deliberately withheld the remainder of my sentence so that you could change the meaning and spread false information. I think you do that an awful lot.

What I said was this: He is straightforward and direct and does not stay silent when he sees ridiculous beliefs, and illogical thinking, and self-absorbed rude behaviour.

I've been involved in the discussions that you take bits of and re-post them and you always make it seem that the words were used much differently than they actually were. No one told you to STFU, not the way you keep repeating. It was said much differently than that. It was one in a long string of things you could do in order to avoid the nameless one, and it was referring to his posts. In other words, if you did not respond to his posts and follow him, you would not get his responses to you.

This is part of your "poor me" way of attempting to get people to feel bad for you. It is no longer working, Fred. You are becoming transparent to many of us. Spreading misinformation and lies is not something most of us can stand behind.

Permalink Reply by Jim DePaulo on August 26, 2010 at 1:05pm

I don't see his way as bickering. I almost always agree with and publicly back him, and I have no problem what so ever with his way (I will, however gladly speak up if I disagree with him). He is straightforward and direct and does not stay silent when he sees ridiculous beliefs, and illogical thinking, and self-absorbed rude behaviour.

I agree. There seems to be a number of thin skinned Atheist and those with a poorly developed sense of humor. If the goal of this site was to convince theists to consider our views then Phil's tact would probably be the best route. However, that isn't the purpose of A/N - it's a place for Atheist and for rational argument using verifiable evidence or to bring news of interest to the community. Being a more or less restricted site (religiously) I think it's fair, even mandatory, that we are skeptical about anything posted; some time that requires a more confrontational approach.
I will admit that I occasionally cross the fuzzy line of civility - I try to avoid it, but.......

Permalink Reply by sacha on August 27, 2010 at 1:22am

Jim has conveyed even more of my feelings on this issue.

Permalink Reply by Trance Gemini on August 25, 2010 at 5:00am

Nicely put John D and I agree completely.

Phil's style is good for Phil and I don't begrudge him.

However, having been told by a Christian that the reason he stalked me and targeted me in a debating group I moderate was because:

1. I was nice and polite (when people are nice and polite to me).
2. Came across as reasonable and truthful.
3. Because of 1 and 2 I was more likely to have credibility.

I've come to the conclusion that there are actually appropriate times to be a dick (and yes women can be dicks, Daniel ;-).

Here on AN we're not dealing with Christians or other religious groups though.

So following Brother Richard and John D's suggestions, giving each other a break, and taking the approach of educating and convincing might be more constructive. I love The Asylum idea. :-D

Frankly holding grudges is tiresome and I don't know how some people manage to do it for eons and to the point where they're stalking people.

I haven't been following the site for a few months now and don't really know what's been happening here in detail but I'd like to see AN succeed and be everything it has the potential of being.

Anyway, I'll end with my favorite PZ quote (Hope your health situation is resolved soon!):

"Let a thousand atheist flowers bloom."

Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on August 24, 2010 at 10:38pm

Maybe I've just managed to miss the, shall we say, 'most spirited' discussions? But honestly, I've had fewer problems and way more civility on this site than any other forum I've participated in. The closest I've come to a problem is a couple of specific-topic discussions where two members argued their side with more personal attacks and very little backing-up-with-sources, to the point that I exited the discussions. Even then I wouldn't really say I was trolled or stalked; more like the discussion devolved into beating a dead horse.

I do like healthy debate and differences of opinion and perhaps that can be emphasized. "If you're countering with facts, back them up. If you're countering with subjective analysis of the facts, know that opinions are like assholes: Everybody has one and there's only so much you can do to make yours smell like roses to the next guy."

On the other hand, there are lines when it comes to, say, an anti-choicer joining the pro-choice group just to pick a fight.

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