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Still in the Closet....My story

Hello everyone!

I'm Nara and this is some of my story.

I was raised Southern Baptist and I'll forever be in therapy for it! lol We attended church 5-6 days a week and were expected to know the bible cover to cover and recite verses on command how I never ended up in prison or hooked on drugs I will never know!

When I was 13 my cousin James came out of the closet. He was 26 at the time and had just graduated from NYU. Instead of going to work for a large company where he could of made lots of money he worked for an AIDS charity and on the weekends instead of partying with his friends he worked tirelessly for habitat for humanity, building homes for single mothers. However, when he made his announcement none of his good work mattered.

I..... was confused.

Around the same time my Aunt Felicia had a stillborn baby and she was rightfully devastated. My grandmother’s sister obviously annoyed by Aunt Felicia’s depression said "Stop crying! What happened was God's will and you shouldn't question the will of God!" I stood there stunned and before I had time to think it through I asked “Why would God make that his will? Why not end hunger? Or banish child molesters to the pits of hell where they belong?" For this I was slapped in the mouth and told to go to my room. Still....I was confused.

I am not confused about the fact that I live in a world that doesn't judge you by your works, but by your faith. I am a Black/Brazilian woman, so I was born with the cards stacked against me. I’m a pretty smart, outspoken person but this part of my life will remain secret for now. When someone asks I simply tell them that is a very personal question and refuse to answer.

So I am glad to be here. I am excited to share this with SOMEONE! ANYONE! Even if you are people I don't know from a hole in the wall. lol

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I hope you all enjoy your day! :) Sorry this was so long!

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Permalink Reply by Eric Gilnett on May 15, 2012 at 8:22pm

Thanks for sharing your story, Nara! I hope one day we will all be the "norm" and the religious believers will be the ones in hiding--shunned as the superstitious fools they are.

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Permalink Reply by Nara Nay on May 15, 2012 at 10:56pm

I'll drink to that! Thanks Your words are encouraging!

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Permalink Reply by annet on May 15, 2012 at 9:30pm

Welcome Nara. There is so much confusion in the religious life, isn't there! I sure don't miss that.

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Permalink Reply by Nara Nay on May 15, 2012 at 11:03pm

me either! I feel like a SLAVE WHO JUST ACQUIRED HER FREEDOM!! Yet I still have to exit via the underground railroad! lol Thanks again! :)

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on May 15, 2012 at 9:34pm

Nara thanks for sharing your story with us! We are glad to have you on the site!

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Permalink Reply by Nara Nay on May 15, 2012 at 11:04pm

Thank you for being so welcoming :)

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Permalink Reply by ChrisC on May 16, 2012 at 4:59am

Welcome! I can't imagine having to go to church five times a week! That's proper brainwashing! I'm sure you'll pull through okay though, you've recognised it for what it is now, and that's often the hardest step to take.

Having to be in the closet is a sad situation, but at least you've got a site full of like-minded people now who you can share your thoughts with! It's certainly helped me settle my mind.