Spouse Praying for your Death

My wife is a fundamentalist christian with extremely strong beliefs. Needless to say, we can get into some heated debates over the topic. Like when to tell our kids that Santa doesn't really exist (she believed in Santa until the 7th grade, WTF?). 

So anyway, in 2008 I came down with a couple of non-lifethreatening conditions, one of which required surgery. A few weeks after the surgery we got into one of our discussions. I ended the discussion by just not responding anymore, and went to bed.

About an hour later she comes up stairs and wakes me up. She says that she has something she has to tell me. So I listen, and she admits to "Praying to god, while I was sick, for me to pass away if I wasn't meant for her. And if I didn't pass away, then we were meant to be together for life." 

I've approached two friends with this that are Christians, one of them said it shows her love and dedication for me. While the other thinks she's insane. Both of these friends attend church every sunday.

I feel it's the same as praying for my death. My wife disagrees, and blows it off.

What do you think?

Tags: atheist, death, pray, wife

Views: 46

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sri on February 28, 2010 at 7:51am
Well, I'm afraid you might never know, even if you confront her. Sometimes I suspect people like her don't know what they truly want. They think their lives are already 'prepared' and they only need to be faithful and submit to their gods.

Maybe you need to dig into her psyche. Ask her where she thinks your relationship is heading, talk about her visions of your future together, etc. But maybe you want to avoid talking about that night particularly. Then ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life with this woman.

Just my two cents.
Permalink Reply by Round Peg on February 28, 2010 at 11:48am
I sympathize. Does she believe the only Biblical (i.e. morally acceptable) ways to end a marriage to end are when (1) a spouse dies, (2) a spouse commits adultery, (3) a non-believing spouse leaves? That is what my wife believes. She stays with me, she does her best, but I know our differing views on Christianity cause her a lot of pain. Perhaps your wife could feel trapped? For my family the benefits of staying together have thus far made it worthwhile (or so I tell myself). But if my wife told me what yours told you, I think I would reconsider...
Permalink Reply by Michael Lange on February 28, 2010 at 1:32pm
Sounds like your wife is a little more tolerant than mine.

For the first 5 years of our marriage everything was great. Then we moved to Georgia. That's when she really started to focus on the church. Before we moved, it was never an issue.

It really doesn't help either that all, and I mean all, of her friends are bible thumpers. Some of them to the extreme, and others a little less. These people focus all of their free time feeding their brains religious garbage from books, CDs, and videos. A friend of her's just dropped off another stupid religious DVD for her to watch. It's like a river of religious material that never stops.

The funny thing, if I bring a book into our house on evolution for the kids, she hides it. All of the books that I have bought that talk about evolution have either been hidden, sold at a garage sale, or probably thrown away.

At least she won't touch my books. She just covers them up with family pictures. I have a shelf dedicated to religious books that are for and against religion (most against, of course). When we have relatives visiting from out of town, she makes it a point to "pretend" to clean my office so she can get to that shelf and cover it up.

Anyway, enough of me ranting. Thanks for the feedback!
Permalink Reply by Jennifer Nicole on March 9, 2010 at 11:58pm
I'd cover her religious stuff, then, too. >.> She'll either have to let you or realize how disrespectful she's being.

I seriously don't know how you can deal with a wife like that. Maybe it's a good thing I'll never marry a woman, 'cause actions like that would make me want to slap her.
Permalink Reply by Deb on February 27, 2010 at 10:45pm
She should have done some more thinking about whether you were "meant to be together for life" BEFORE she married you.

Sounds like she's looking for a possible "out" because of that "til death do us part" stuff, I assume she doesn't believe in divorce or whatever, so if there's someone out there who is "better" for her, then you need to "step aside" (by dying) so she can start over.

Maybe she's concerned about being "yoked with nonbelievers" or whatever that old bible line is?

Any way you look at it, it's weird.
Permalink Reply by Jason Spicer on March 2, 2010 at 5:25pm
You notice how people who firmly believe in an afterlife also firmly understand the meaning of "until death do us part"? "Well, sure, honey, I'll live with you for the rest of this life, but when we get to heaven, you're on your own.
Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on February 28, 2010 at 9:51am
She was asking "God" for a sign, in her own clumsy way. Don't sweat it.
Permalink Reply by Loren Miller on February 28, 2010 at 10:01am
Seems to me what she is asking for is a god-sanctioned end to a relationship that she is likely NOT very comfortable with. Her ability to deal with a non-believer is shaky at best and, to put the worst spin I can think of on it, she's asking her deity to commit murder so that she no longer has to be confronted with his heresy ... or equally likely, doesn't have to suffer the cognitive dissonance implicit in his presence and lack of belief.

Personally, I'd drop her like a bad habit ... but that's me.
Permalink Reply by Carrot Hare on February 28, 2010 at 10:39am
HOLY CRAP! I'm really sorry for anything I say that might offend you...
But yeah she's totally nuts! Are you kidding with this story? She's basically asking god to toy with your life purely out of her own curiosity.
It seems kinda like she's way too religious for her own good.
Permalink Reply by Creature on March 1, 2010 at 1:58am
This is just my interpretation, I know neither of you so I could be way off base here. It sounds to me like she was angry about the argument, and while angry wishing for a way out of the situation. I think she may have felt guilty on some level for her feelings, and in that state of mind prayed for a solution. Telling you about it may have been a combination of guilt regarding the prayer, a means to let you know just how upset she was, and a way of affirming her commitment to you despite these feelings.
Permalink Reply by Gia Cunningham on March 5, 2010 at 9:34pm
Nah, I don't think she's praying for your death; more like she's seeking reinforcement for her decision to marry you. It's the same as "If my beloved is at the bus stop this morning,, that means god wants us to be together..." or "If he/she accepts a chocolate from me that means he/she REALLY loves me...." Totally ridiculous, but that's what I think. We all seek meaning for our decisions and what happens to and around us. It's not about you, it's about your wife's attachment to her beliefs and her need for vindication and coping, should you, by some unforeseen misfortune, not had made it through surgery. Give her a kiss and tell her you love her. It wouldn't hurt to take a few precautions, though.............


Gia
Permalink Reply by Jose Ranulfo on March 5, 2010 at 10:13pm
I Agree.

But you also have to talk about the reasons for why she did this.

She should have more reasons to remain married to you other than, "god sent me a sign" or "marriage is forever".

RSS

© 2013   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service