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Should boyfriends/husbands have any say in a woman's choice for abortion?

I'm just curious, as a guy, how women feel about men having say in whether their child will be aborted or not. Not men as a whole, but the father of their baby obviously.
I understand that I'll never know what it's like to be pregnant, have children, or for that matter, even understand what it's like to be a woman. I'd also like to add that I think of myself as pro-choice, and would never try to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
That being said, I feel it's slightly unfair that for the most part, when it comes to reproduction and child birth, until the baby is born men aren't much more than sperm donors from a legal stand point.
I'm not trying to start a debate as to the reasons why people should or shouldn't get abortions, or the morality or ethics to such decisions, simply asking if men should have any say as to whether their child can be aborted or not?

Tags: Families, Feminism, Politics

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on January 9, 2010 at 10:35am

Saying "men should have a say" all sounds very nice and fair, but it's really not possible to have an equal say, other than voicing his opinion and hoping the woman will take it into consideration. The only other alternative is having veto power, which would be very unfair (but then there are lots of complete strangers who want to have veto power over other peoples' abortions). It's not something that can be split 50-50.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on January 9, 2010 at 9:55am

Hmmm.... I think part of the problem here is the term "unborn child". "Fetus" would be more appropriate. Weighing one sperm against an egg, and then fetus, I'd say that the majority of biomass is created/supported by the woman.

Obviously, people in committed relationships should talk abortion over with each other.

People should be also be talking over children, abortion, contraception, etc... before they engage slippery bits.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on January 9, 2010 at 12:17pm

Absolutely, my atheist (on most days) mother also uses the term unborn child, she is a pro-lifer, altho she did support me when I had my first abortion way back when.

There is a huge knowledge gap in our society and the most dangerous among us are people who make biological statements without any knowledge of biology. Scares me.

I know, what's up with this "oops, there's a baby, what to do?" stupidity. It baffles my mind. We live in a world of knowledge and opportunity. Of course technology fails at times, but in the cases where technology fails, people should simply make the decision in line with their previous technological choice.

If you're taking the pill and get pregnant anyway, well, you didn't want the child, so there's no reason to have it! I don't see why accidental circumstance should change the previous decision.

Permalink Reply by Noah Petersen on January 9, 2010 at 10:02am

To me unborn child and fetus are synonymous. I just didn't want to offend any pro-lifers by using the word fetus to describe the fertilized embryo. To them fetus is offensive, because they think it means its not a human being. Technically cells are alive even before fertilization, so the whole concept of "when does it become a person" seems absurd to me.

You make a good point though, that couples should talk about these things before they engage in intimacy. This would proably prevent most of these sort of conflicts from occurring.

Permalink Reply by mrs kelligurl on January 10, 2010 at 1:54am

Well stated! I think that if more people would be mature enough to discuss preventatives and possible outcomes there might be less reason for this debate all together

To Noah Peterson, I'm pro-choice and I hate the term fetus. I understand it, but to me it is a cold medical term used to keep emotions from being involved. A few years ago we had to go to court against my neice's mother for child abuse. She had 2 kids and was 8 months pregnant with the 3rd one. Her teeth were rotted black pegs from the meth, and on the stand she said that she did not know that smoking crystal meth while pregnant would do harm to her fetus! While I can certainly understand (and I don't think) that every pregnant woman not wanting to move forward with the pregnancy is this irresponsible, it just sticks in me that this is a word that keeps emotions and possible attachments out of the loop. Trust me, I never asked the Dr how my 'fetus' was doing.

Permalink Reply by Jaume on January 10, 2010 at 7:42am

The Nerd: If people aren't mature enough to talk about contraception before engaging in sexual activity, they're not mature enough to engage in sexual activity.

Absolutely

Permalink Reply by SecretWombat on January 9, 2010 at 9:57pm

Well, as with most issues couples tend to discuss things. For instance, my fiance has no 'right' to tell me not to take a certain job, but I'll certainly discuss changing jobs with him to get his opinion and see if we're on the same page. My decisions affect him so I tend to weigh that into any choice I make. I like to think that most people in healthy relationships do this, so in that way the father usually has a say. If the couple aren't in a healthy relationship with open communication about these issues... well... should they really be having a baby together in the first place?

That said, if consensus can't be reached in the end it's the woman's decision. It may be their foetus, but it's her body. When men can eventually get pregnant and carry foetuses to term they too will have the right to abort or not because it will be their bodies in the firing line. Until that day they don't get final say. It may seem unfair, but pregnancy is by its very nature unfair. Otherwise men would also get to go through nine months of gestation, painful childbirth, permanent stretch marks, saggy tummy skin and sore, leaking breasts!

A little off-topic but there are two areas of medical research that I think are woefully underexplored: male pregnancy and foetus transplants. If men could gestate and bear children it would truly create equality as paternity leave would become more important and couples could negotiate as to who would give birth to the children. And foetus transplants could finally end the whole abortion debate. If you don't want your foetus just whip it out and give it to someone who wants to bring it to term; be it the other biological parent or some random pro-lifer. If men really wanted fairness and equality in pregnancy I imagine they'd be very excited about this proposal. And pro-lifers must be itching for a chance to gestate all those unwanted babies. Everybody wins!

Permalink Reply by mrs kelligurl on January 10, 2010 at 2:45am

A tad off topic, but I have made it a point when I see a person protesting abortion (via live, bumper stickers, t shirts, etc) I always go tell them I want to thank them for being selfless enough to adopt and raise other peoples children. I know a little antagonistic (though I feel it antagonistic for them to wear it), but twice out of a few years of me doing this has anyone ever told me they have personally adopted or helped out the pregnant woman. The rest is just wanting to push their hocus pocus off on women already going through a difficult time in hopes of a conversion...ughhh

Permalink Reply by mrs kelligurl on January 10, 2010 at 1:10am

I feel that as long as the pregnancy was a not from some form of sexual assault, and there is a healthy relationship (abusive type situations) then I feel there should be communication over it. Yes, it is the woman who will carry and give birth; but ladies, without the men we wouldn't have pregnancies. I'm very pro-choice, but I'm also pro-fairness. I don't feel that anyone can/should tell a woman what to do with her body; I also feel that communication can lead to support which ever way a choice is made. This is such a difficult topic because while as a woman and a mother I'm very much for women's rights, but I'm also for fathers rights...hmmm

Permalink Reply by mrs kelligurl on January 10, 2010 at 2:24am

I should have stated on the pro-fairness that I mean as fair as you can get given the circumstance. And while I'm for fathers rights--that doesn't mean the father who may call every 5th birthday (part-time parents). The problem is that when people are getting along and 'in love' all sorts of promises can be made with no guarantee of acting on the promises if there is no happy ever after for the parents.

Permalink Reply by SecretWombat on January 10, 2010 at 10:21pm

Yep. Most of the single mothers I know were with guys who were dead keen on having the baby... until the baby was born. Within a year these children were effectively fatherless. I get the feeling at least one of the women would have chosen to have an abortion if she'd known what her future held. So I'd say when the man's input is just empty promises a woman has every right not to listen to him!

Permalink Reply by MariaDY on February 3, 2010 at 5:48am