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Sad atheist
Hi everyone, first post here for me so apologies about the depressing nature of it.
I joined Atheist Nexus recently with the intention of asking the community for some help with a relationship problem but tonight that issue unfortunately resolved itself. Long story short - met a wonderful American girl while teaching in Thailand a year and a half ago, fell very deeply in love and then found out she's a born again Christian. No problem, thought I could make it work. There were ups and downs but eventually we split as she couldn't handle the thought of her children being raised by someone who didn't believe the same thing she did.
We got back together in January but while I've been working in Taiwan there was a problem, namely reality versus creationism/ID. This time it was as much me as her - her refusal to accept reality saddened me too much and there's no way in hell I'll have anyone tell my kids that life appeared as-is on this planet. Tonight we ended it, once again on Skype which is a horrible, horrible way to do this if you're ever faced with it.
I think it was the right thing to do. I love her to pieces but there's just no way to reconcile such fundamentally opposed viewpoints. I asked her what it would take to alter anything about her faith i.e. accept evolution but still believe in God and she said it couldn't happen. Then, thinking she had trumped me, she asked what would make me change my mind and I reeled off a list of things which would make me reject evolution and other theories as well as consider belief in Gods. That's what put the nail in the coffin I realised. Her inability to change, the way it resembled brainwashing, was something I couldn't handle. It made me sad and angry in equal measure.
Anyone else been in this position before? Think I could have done anything different? I'll welcome any opinions.
Paul.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Paul Adams on -
" I do not believe for a second that anyone EVER "changes their mind" about such a thing, and most certainly not the mind of another. Rather, our brains undergo a change...and inform us of it afterward. Then we realize we are different and think, "Oh, I changed my mind." "
Must admit I never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense. I think you may be right about not being able to have an entirely fulfilling relationship with a believer, guess I was just holding out hope for a while. Thanks :)
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Permalink Reply by john wright on -
Wow
This just sparked a memory for me.
I have a fiancee who was raised catholic. She had been through a divorce and treated badly by her church. She still held a small amount of belief and was obviously troubled by the whole thing.
I can be condascending at times if I'm not careful and I attacked her lack of resolve until i removed all traces of what i considered absurdity. She went along awhile in this way until she spoke to someone and decided to regain a small amount of belief and apparently had decided to not challenge me or 'rattle my cage'. Well, if you can't see the sadness in all this, you may want to rethink your position. It broke my heart that I had been so successful in breaking down what made her feel comfortable. I decided to take another look at the situation and felt that her belief could be compatible to mine as easily as her furry slippers are to my work boots. She is a wonderful person and no less of a person because she lacks the need to intellectually force her belief on me as I did on her. As far as my son goes,.. he seems to think like me and i feel ok about that because I believe I let him decide for himself. He has often found himself in trouble for arguing against religion with teachers and though he has to accept the detentions (under the guise that it was not about that--- c'mon, we all know that it was about exactly that) He continues to research and fight against silly religions. I only suggested and offered proofs. He came to this on his own and if my fiancee wants to take him to church with her, I'm sure he'd be glad to accompany her if not only because it would make her feel good, but that she'd definately buy lunch after hehe The only problem with that is he'd probably feel like a spy in the enemy camp looking for an edge in the next battle.
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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on -
I;m sorry things didn't work out. I was raised in the Methodist tradition where almost everyone believed in evolution. Even if they didn't believe it applied to people, most believed it applied to everything but people.
I don't think you could have done anything different except for lie or bite your tongue off.
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