A number of years ago I was sharing a house with a friend. We split the expenses 50/50. He started dating a woman who was a member of Robert Schuler's Crystal Cathedral bunch. No long afterward he came to me and asked if I could cover some of his expenses so he could take her out. I was working at a much higher salaried job and he seemed happier than I had seen in a long time so yeah he's my friend. A couple of months later I happened to be going through bills when I found an unsealed envelope with the church logo on it. Not knowing what it was I looked inside a found one of his checks made out to the church for a fairly large sum of money. He walked in and saw me with the check and asked me why I was going through his mail. I explained that it was opened and thought it was a bill or something. I then asked him why he was sending money to the church. He said is was his responsibility to support the church. I was really pissed and told him that he could give the church whatever he wanted but he had a responsibility to pay his share of the bills at home first and that by asking me to cover his half was 1) a lie because he said it was for his dating and 2) by having me cover his "secular" bills he was in fact having me support his church. His response was that I needed to do do something to be "right with GOD"! Needless to say I stopped covering for him, she moved in with her daughter and I eventually moved out as soon as I could. He contacted me years later to say he was divorced and wanted to know if I had been saved yet. Anybody else have an interesting religious friend story?

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Essentially a twofer; both were people with whom I worked,at the same time,in small section of a large government department. One was a bloke,the other a female whose person I badly wanted to explore.

Both were Pentacostals.He was newly-saved-in-yer-face,she was a sly little madam;

HE would exclaim "PRAISE THE LORD!"' loudly,at every opportunity.I found this behavior irritating,disconcerting and inappropriate.I told him so,and politely asked him to desist,twice. He ignored me.I then reasoned with him privately. Looking him straight in the eye,I explained quietly,with all the sincerity I could muster: "Henry, if you do not cease and desist forthwith, I am going to to punch your fucking lights out". He ceased and desisted. I was bluffing ,but she didn't know that.

The girl enticed me to a Pentacostal revival,with the implied promise of some horizontal folk dancing.So I went,to this huge hall. People were on stage, dropping like flies, having been slain in the spirit.Then the place got arse deep in people speaking in tongues.A rather pleasant looking young woman on my other side began SINGING in tongues.It was really creepy.


As we left,my girl said breathlessly "and what did you think OF THAT?"

Being a bit tired and cranky I stupidly answered perhaps little less tactfully than I should have given my expectations for the end of the evening.I said :" THAT was the most amazing example of mass hysteria I've ever seen"

My companion went all chicken lipped. Needless to say, I did not get to explore her person on that night,nor indeed on any other,
Dude, that totally sucks
Surprisingly enough, since I've publicly declared myself an atheist after keeping it secret/undecided for so many years, I haven't had anyone other than strangers attempt to convert/witness/coax me.

When I was still going to church, I was attending a Southern Baptist church with my ex-girlfriend (not my ex at the time and, surprisingly enough, it was her idea to go to said church). It was a constant, unintelligible babble of "right with God", "praise the Lord", "in Jesus' name" and other such nonsense. I participated, but never to the extent of the other loons...and people noticed. They came to me with false sincerity (or real, who the fuck knows?) asking if I was ok or if I wanted to pray with them. My response was a resounding "No" every time and I tried my best to stay separate from them. I wouldn't sign their church document, agreeing to their rigid set of rules (no alcohol, no promiscuity, no tobacco, no cursing, etc.) that was required in order to become and "official" member of the church. They knew as much as I was 100% certain that I wanted nothing to do with their church. The deal was sealed when the pastor (a crazy, fucking madman named Charlie Moses) gave a sermon on the evils of Harry Potter and JK Rowling's attempt to convert our children into witches and warlocks. The sermon segued (naturally) into Dungeons and Dragons, Everquest and other genre topics. Being a hardcore geek (and regular D&D player), I couldn't help but roll my eyes relentlessly during the sermon and eventually stand up and walk out. I never went back. That was the last time I ever set foot in that place.

Sorry Thomas. I know that's not really what you were requesting. Thanks.
Huh, that is pretty messed up!

No I don't have many religious friend stories, though my whole life living with my Fundamentalist Mormon family is just one big story...
I'm still getting asked all the time,”When are you going to go the right way with your life?" I almost want to puke every time I hear it.


Check out my latest Youtube videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1kl5P1bveM
F***ing with the Mormons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QIWvq6cp7o
Not my Morals

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