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Religious Emails
Hi Everyone!
I'm new here and want to say I like what I see so far.
I was wondering how many people here get the Religious Emails from friends and unsolicited Religious Emails and what your thoughts are on them. I know I'm not the only one who receives them. This is some of what comes to my mind when I receive them.
I too receive religious Emails from various friends and some unknown people. Some take the form of cutesy feel good inspirational Emails and make me think WHOA better delete this sugary sweet sap before my computer gets cavities. No wonder the Internet runs so slow with this sludge plugging it up.
Others are pleas to pray for poor little Jimmy or Janey who are suffering from various maladies, usually life threatening. And while I do have sympathy for people who are ill the plea's usually state that they need as many prayers as they can get and my prayer may just be the one that convinces god to save this ill person. Yeah right. As if I can change the will of their God.
Now I'm not a callous person and I do have real sympathy for people who have had misfortunes, but my irritation is directed at the people who send these Emails. We need as many prayers as we can get!!! And thought that goes through my head when I see people asking me to add my prayer to the others is this;
WTF??? Does your god hold prayer auctions??
I mean is their god sitting in heaven like some auctioneer saying; OK we got 234 Heal Janey prayers do I hear 235?? The lady in the blue dress waving the Pat Robertson autographed prayer cloth bids 235. Do I hear 236?
Do they really expect me to believe that God is talking in tongues to Mrs. Smith or whoever and telling her;
Look Mrs. Smith I realize that Little Janey has terminal hiccups and the doctors have given up all hope and I'm your last chance. But you have to realize that Terminal Hiccups is a class 3 disease and before I can heal her I need a minimum of 2500 prayers and frankly you're about 937 prayers short. Well, Just be thankful she didn't lose a limb. That's a class 9 malady and regenerating amputated limbs requires a minimum of 8 billion prayers. Why do you think I've never had to restore a lost limb?
Yes I know you've sent out multiple chain Emails asking people to pray for her but those rarely work, Have you tried PrayBay?
hhh.praybay.con
Thats hhh, like in holy holy holy dot praybay dot con yes thats the letter "n" at the end.
Well PrayBay is a site like Ebay where you put up a picture of the person you want people to pray for and a short description of their problem and people will add their prayers for your child. When you reach the magic err I mean heavenly number then I am notified and I can then heal your child if I deem that you and your child are true believers and worthy of divine intervention. Just pray that your plea doesn't get stuck at 666 prayers because if that happens then all hell will break loose.
Whats that? Yes I am aware that you are a beautiful woman and would do "Anything" to save your daughter, but the last time I got involved with an Earthly woman it caused all kinds of problems with the crucifixion then the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition and now I've got this deadbeat son who just hangs around all the time and hasn't done a damn thing for the last 2000 years. So I'm going to pretend that you never made that offer. But do give PrayBay a try. Oh well no I can't tell you if it will work, because if I did that then it would take all of the mystery out of it and we all know that I work in mysterious ways don't we?
Well Mrs Jones, thank you for saying that, but we already knew that I am the most awesome God in the Universe. After all I'm the only God, remember?
And it's been nice talking to you too but I've really got to run. I'm right in the middle of whipping up a blizzard for Las Vegas right now, You know gotta put the fear of God into those heathens he he he.
You take care and best of luck, err, I mean Keep the Faith Mrs. Jones. Bye now.
Now I know I'm going to get some replies about this from the christians saying it's insulting and ridiculous and not believable. But all I can say is; Hey, You started it.
I'm new here and want to say I like what I see so far.
I was wondering how many people here get the Religious Emails from friends and unsolicited Religious Emails and what your thoughts are on them. I know I'm not the only one who receives them. This is some of what comes to my mind when I receive them.
I too receive religious Emails from various friends and some unknown people. Some take the form of cutesy feel good inspirational Emails and make me think WHOA better delete this sugary sweet sap before my computer gets cavities. No wonder the Internet runs so slow with this sludge plugging it up.
Others are pleas to pray for poor little Jimmy or Janey who are suffering from various maladies, usually life threatening. And while I do have sympathy for people who are ill the plea's usually state that they need as many prayers as they can get and my prayer may just be the one that convinces god to save this ill person. Yeah right. As if I can change the will of their God.
Now I'm not a callous person and I do have real sympathy for people who have had misfortunes, but my irritation is directed at the people who send these Emails. We need as many prayers as we can get!!! And thought that goes through my head when I see people asking me to add my prayer to the others is this;
WTF??? Does your god hold prayer auctions??
I mean is their god sitting in heaven like some auctioneer saying; OK we got 234 Heal Janey prayers do I hear 235?? The lady in the blue dress waving the Pat Robertson autographed prayer cloth bids 235. Do I hear 236?
Do they really expect me to believe that God is talking in tongues to Mrs. Smith or whoever and telling her;
Look Mrs. Smith I realize that Little Janey has terminal hiccups and the doctors have given up all hope and I'm your last chance. But you have to realize that Terminal Hiccups is a class 3 disease and before I can heal her I need a minimum of 2500 prayers and frankly you're about 937 prayers short. Well, Just be thankful she didn't lose a limb. That's a class 9 malady and regenerating amputated limbs requires a minimum of 8 billion prayers. Why do you think I've never had to restore a lost limb?
Yes I know you've sent out multiple chain Emails asking people to pray for her but those rarely work, Have you tried PrayBay?
hhh.praybay.con
Thats hhh, like in holy holy holy dot praybay dot con yes thats the letter "n" at the end.
Well PrayBay is a site like Ebay where you put up a picture of the person you want people to pray for and a short description of their problem and people will add their prayers for your child. When you reach the magic err I mean heavenly number then I am notified and I can then heal your child if I deem that you and your child are true believers and worthy of divine intervention. Just pray that your plea doesn't get stuck at 666 prayers because if that happens then all hell will break loose.
Whats that? Yes I am aware that you are a beautiful woman and would do "Anything" to save your daughter, but the last time I got involved with an Earthly woman it caused all kinds of problems with the crucifixion then the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition and now I've got this deadbeat son who just hangs around all the time and hasn't done a damn thing for the last 2000 years. So I'm going to pretend that you never made that offer. But do give PrayBay a try. Oh well no I can't tell you if it will work, because if I did that then it would take all of the mystery out of it and we all know that I work in mysterious ways don't we?
Well Mrs Jones, thank you for saying that, but we already knew that I am the most awesome God in the Universe. After all I'm the only God, remember?
And it's been nice talking to you too but I've really got to run. I'm right in the middle of whipping up a blizzard for Las Vegas right now, You know gotta put the fear of God into those heathens he he he.
You take care and best of luck, err, I mean Keep the Faith Mrs. Jones. Bye now.
Now I know I'm going to get some replies about this from the christians saying it's insulting and ridiculous and not believable. But all I can say is; Hey, You started it.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by The Nerd on -
I get Christian emails at work all the time. Sometimes they're really funny (especially when they make fun of themselves), but other times it is really irritating. I try to tell myself when they pass around the "atheists are going to eat your children" ones that they don't really understand what they're doing, but it still can ruin what would otherwise have been a good morning.
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Permalink Reply by Whoever on -
I hear ya. I've had to tell a few friends that while I love hearing from them please don't send me the religious Emails.
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Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on -
I understand that one. I now have a very strained relationship with an ex close friend who has now been relegated to the semi-friend category. She sent me one too many of these things so that my tongue biting got too painful. From that point onwards she got detailed and scathing critiques of her offerings.
1. Mother Teresa was far from a saint. Promoting human suffering simply because you believe it to be "noble" is a disgraceful infringment of human rights. 2. People who pray for babies to live in Africa are indulging in critical thinkicide if they imagine that any kind of humane and responsible supernatural being answered their prayer if the baby lived but the mother died during the delivery. Is it really moral to allow a baby to be born at the expense of its mother so that the child will be sure to die a slow death from neglect and starvation? If a supernatural being keep a baby alive by causing someone to post a hot water bottle to the mission five months previously then why would the god need someone to pray for it the day before it arrived? Would it have made any difference if they had not? 3. Pascal's wager .... I am sure you can imagine my response to that one. :-)
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Permalink Reply by Фелч Гроган on
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Permalink Reply by Jerry McMasters on -
I'm trying to remember the one I got at work a couple months ago, it was something to the effect of "sign this petition now and forward to everyone!" because "some group" was in the process of outlawing any religious content from the airwaves. I had the pleasure of replying to everyone "Don't bother, it's a hoax." About six co-workers had already signed the petition.
I tend to get the ones that are inspirational, some kind of story ending with something like "Well, that's how much Jesus loves YOU!"
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Permalink Reply by Scream on -
"Do they really expect me to believe that God is talking in tongues to Mrs. Smith or whoever and telling her;
Look Mrs. Smith I realize that Little Janey has terminal hiccups and the doctors have given up all hope and I'm your last chance. But you have to realize that Terminal Hiccups is a class 3 disease and before I can heal her I need a minimum of 2500 prayers and frankly you're about 937 prayers short..."
Love it!!!
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Permalink Reply by Rosemary LYNDALL WEMM on
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he he he Love it!
I tend to write commentaries on the emails because they annoy me so much. It never ceases to amaze me how many people think they are "cute" rather than just plain uncritically cloying.
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Permalink Reply by MissElainie on -
I get 'em at work too. Three things bug me about these e-mails:
1. It feel like religious harrassment - how dare they assume that I believe what they believe?
2. Most of them are chain letter type e-mails and I know that people are passing them on because they worry that they really will have bad luck or go to hell or get the plague if they don't pass them on to 10 people in 10 minutes - and how can people possibly be that stupid?
3. If people believe that their god is really that petty - it'll only help those who can muster enough backing - then why aren't all those people spending every minute of every day kissing that god's butt? If I thought there was an omnipotent, omniscient fickle little brat that had complete control over my existence - I'd be kissing it's butt night and day!
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Permalink Reply by Whoever on
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I think the thing that annoys me the most about them is the idea that if one prayer is good then 10,000 prayers must be better. Seriously, do they think that their god is holding prayer auctions?
If their god really existed and was omniscient, then he already knew what was going to happen to every individual. He also knew how many silly christians were going to pray both for and against his predetermined action towards the individual. So the prayers are unnecessary, the decision has been made by god since the beginning of time.
I mean do they actually think that if they get thousands of people to pray to their god that they will be able to shame him into changing his will?
Are they trying to tell god that public opinion is really against his decision to let little Janey die from the Terminal Hiccups?
Is St. Peter sitting in heaven telling god; "Look we're really taking a beating in the polls on this Janey thing. We're down 7 points just in the last week." And god replies; "Well OK, I'll spare the kids life. Let 'em have their frickin miracle. But I'm gonna send a busload of high school kids off of a cliff next week just to mess with their heads."
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