Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nathaniel Theising on September 11, 2010 at 2:53am

I think it would depend on how strongly you feel about your atheism and how strongly religious your partner is. If you think that all religious people should be in padded cells and strait-jackets, as I sometimes feel, it would be unlikely to ever work out. However, if your partner is only mildly religious, seldom talks about it, and accepts your atheism without being bothered by it, I think it could work out. I think it comes down to how dogmatic each person is in their beliefs.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2010 at 3:56am

Uhhhh ... how dogmatic she is about her atheism? I'm confused. Atheism is generally pretty immune to dogma. It's the positive philosophies someone may follow instead of religion that may lead to dogma, if they're not sufficiently thought through.

Sort of as a variation of what you said, though, if you've got a Christian-in-name-only, and he/she just hasn't built up the willpower to dispose of the residue of Pascal's Wager, you may have something you can work with.

Permalink Reply by Tabi on September 11, 2010 at 9:49am

Well I dont really know about that, because they can always start feeling stronger or the need toget more involved with their religion. My last relationship which lasted 5 years, was with a Catholic, and honestly I didnt know he was until after we split up. But he always wore a cross arround his neck, and had a rosary hanging in his car. Though he never spoke of religion, and was "accepting" of mine (to my face), it still botherd me. And I know it botherd him that I was an Atheist, he would talk about it to other people, and wanted to get our kids involved in Church.
But never said any of this to me.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2010 at 1:00pm

Jeeze. Yeah, that's the sort of lying I was talking about in my post, further down the page. Did he go to church before he got all fired up about getting your kids involved in church, or was he more of a lapsed Christian?

I can sort of see how that situation could come about, where it would fit under the lying-to-himself category. While it was just him, he may not have thought about religion as much, but once you add kids into the picture, it becomes important to lapsed Christians to raise their kids right ... and they fall back on the way their parents raised them, which includes the religious brainwashing. Then again, if he was talking about it to other people, behind your back, he could just be a two-faced @$!#%^&.

Heh, the cross and rosary should have been a bit of a dead giveaway, though. Gotta work on those symbol-association skills, babe. :-D

This sort of thing isn't what I meant about a Christian-in-name-only. I know a few people who think that the Bible is a bunch of made-up stories. They don't really believe any of the Christian definitions of God. They don't think anyone is there listening to and answering prayers. They just have this sort of undefined, wooly, "there's some sort of soul and afterlife, and God must be love and warm fuzzies" kind of thinking, when they think about religion at all. They just call themselves Christian because that's the label their parents slapped on them, as kids. Someone like that could probably be de-converted the rest of the way, given the right influences and a lot of exposure to something like The Atheist Experience.

Permalink Reply by Nathaniel Theising on September 11, 2010 at 2:01pm

Perhaps I should not have used the word dogmatic; I meant how strongly one feels about it. If you're accepting of religious people who are accepting of you, I think it could probably work out.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 13, 2010 at 3:23pm

I've got to go with the consensus here. While you can create a hypothetical situation where a relationship could work, in real life, those sorts of Christians are really rare. I think you're more likely to end up with a secretive converter who will wait until she has her claws into you, then try to drag you to church, than you are likely to end up with someone who's truly accepting of atheism.

It's not worth the risk, dating a serious theist. If you're looking at someone other than a wooly Christian-in-name-only whom you're likely to be able to de-convert the rest of the way, I'd look elsewhere.

Permalink Reply by Daniel Horus on September 11, 2010 at 3:27am

I agree with Nathaniel. If they know how Atheists are, then they shouldn't have problems with them. For example, if the person is a Christian, and they are one of those Christians who have been known to call some Atheists "The most Christ like person they've ever met." then it might prove beneficial, and of course, they'll know that if they do have doubts, they'd probably go to you. I might be dead wrong but hey!

If their moderate, then it could work. My mother is religious, my dad isn't. She knows it, she's not bothered by it in the least. So it ultimately depends on how devout they are, or rather, how tolerant.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2010 at 3:58am

For example, if the person is a Christian, and they are one of those Christians who have been known to call some Atheists "The most Christ like person they've ever met." then it might prove beneficial,

I've never met a Christian like that. You're not making much sense here, man.

Permalink Reply by Daniel Horus on September 11, 2010 at 4:11am

Well I've known some to profess such a statement, rare yes, but just saying. Depends on what kind of person they are.

Permalink Reply by Navitta Nelson on March 14, 2011 at 2:53pm

Bahahahaha, I have never ever heard that one!!!  Calling an Atheist Christ like.  Wow.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2010 at 3:40am

Now Im wondering if there will ever be a chance that if I give up and date another religious guy, would there be a way that I could make it work?

It's ... technically possible ... I guess. If he's a seriously religious type? ... if he goes to church on a weekly basis or anything approaching that? ... probably not.

I was wondering if anyone else is wondering the same thing?

I've pretty much resolved the issue in my mind. I have, in the past, considered dating theists. It's the same with smoking. I resolved never to date a smoker, since sometime in my teens, but after going through a long enough single period, I have at times in the past broken my resolve a little ... and regretted it every time, as I have with the theists. The last time was 8 or 9 years ago, in both cases. I think I've gotten it completely out of my system.

Do you care if your person of intrest is religious or Atheist?
and why?

Very much so. At the more abstract level, there's a matter of respect. How are you going to handle respecting someone who believes something that you consider to be blatantly silly? It's probably always going to color the way you view your significant other, when it's something so central to their character.

On a more personal level, I've frequently run into issues, back when I wasn't so decisive about dating theists. I think I've mentioned, in other threads, how I've dated girls who have said they're fine with me being an atheist, and they won't try to change me. Then, after dating for a few months, they start wondering why I won't go to church with them.

It could be a bit different with guys. Men, on average, are less religious than women. You might find one who really is okay with you being an atheist and who is happy to have a woman who won't make him go to church every week, when he doesn't want to. But if you've found a Christian who goes to church on any kind of regular basis, I'd walk away.

There's a further consideration: your children. Kids always complicate things even further, when it comes to religion. You're not going to want your kids to grow up Christian, right? It looks like your one is old enough that she should be immune to indoctrination, assuming her father hasn't already had too much of an influence. What about the younger one? What about any future children? You can tell yourself that you can work it out rationally, with your husband/boyfriend, when the time comes. But if he's really religious ... well, he's probably not all that rational on the subject, in the first place, kind of by definition.

The religion/values argument is a major issue within marriage. It's best to deal with it now, rather than later. I just want to stress again my own experiences with theists lying about their acceptance of someone who doesn't share their dogma. Perhaps they weren't even lying to me. During the initial, heady stage of a relationship, they may have been blinded by the hormones and convinced themselves that they would get over it. I can only guess. The end result is the same, though, no matter whom they were lying to.

If you are going to go into that sort of relationship, be cautious.

Permalink Reply by Tabi on September 11, 2010 at 10:02am

I honestly can say, for any level of religion, I dont think it would/could work for me.

I do have other kids, older, that are also Atheists, for my daughter, right now she is split personality. She tells me she doesnt believe, and she goes to her dads and tells him they need to pray. Ive told her that she doesnt have to pretend for me, she needs to be her own person and make her own decisions on the subject. I know her dad and step mom arent as accepting, they are heavily involved with church, and have taught her intolerence. She one day went up to my mother and apologized that her daughter (me) doesnt believe in god.
Wonder where she learned that from?

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