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Permalink Reply by Louis on July 10, 2009 at 11:11pm

I've always wanted to know how one would spin 2Kings 2:23-24

How can god making two bears kill 42 children be made good. I must know!

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on July 10, 2009 at 11:22pm

Hi Jack,

Here it is:
2 Kings 2:23-24
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, you bald head; go up, you bald head (the words "little children," are probably an unfortunate translation; the Hebrew word is "na'ar"; it can mean anything up to 40 years old; as well, the words "bald head," do not necessarily mean that Elisha had no hair on his head; it could have signified a "worthless fellow"; at any rate, it was a term of contempt).

24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the Name of the LORD (placed a curse on them). And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tore forty and two children of them when they insulted the man of God, they, in effect, were insulting the Lord).

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Permalink Reply by Goz on July 20, 2009 at 10:59am

So am I..They twist it to mean what they want it to mean and cherry pick up one side and down the other.

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Permalink Reply by Kristi Leitholt on July 10, 2009 at 11:29pm

8 O daughter of Babylon, who is to be destroyed; happy shall he be, who rewards you as you have served us. It seems this Prophesy was given before Babylon was destroyed and promised its destruction.

Boy oh boy, I wonder how late Swaggart stayed up thinking of that. Talk about stating the obvious. :P

I'd love to hear his take on Genesis 6:1-4.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on July 10, 2009 at 11:55pm

Kristina, your requested section has LOTS of red :)

Genesis 6:1-4
Chapter 6
2448 B.C.
Wickedness of Mankind

1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the Earth, and daughters were born unto them (the events of this Chapter probably begin at about the time of Enoch, which was about a thousand years before the flood. There were, no doubt, several millions of people on the face of the Earth at that time. Verse 1 is not meant to imply that the births of baby girls were more than that of baby boys, but is rather meant to set up the narrative for that which is about to be said),

2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose (the "sons of God" portrayed here refer to fallen angels, which had thrown in their lot with Lucifer, who led a revolution against God some time in eternity past, in order to spoil the human lineage through which the Messiah would ultimately come, they would seek to corrupt that lineage, and to do so by marrying the "daughters of men," thereby producing a mongrel race, so to speak, of which at least some of these offspring turned out to be "giants"; at any rate, all who were the result of such a union were tainted; the term "sons of God" in the Old Testament, at least as it is used here, is never used of human beings, but always of angels, whether righteous or fallen [Job 1:6; 2:1]; in his short Epistle, Jude mentions these particular "angels." He said that they "kept not their first estate, but left their own habitations"; he then said what their sin was: "going after strange flesh." Concerning this, Jude also said that God "has reserved [them] in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day" [Jude, Vss. 6-7).

THE WARNING OF GOD

3 And the LORD said, My Spirit (Holy Spirit) shall not always strive with man (the Lord is speaking here of the man, Adam, and not mankind in general), for that he also is flesh (refers to the fact that even though the first man was created personally by God, he still was flesh, and because of the Fall must ultimately die): yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years (from the time of this announcement, Adam was to be given 120 years to repent; there is no evidence that he did; many think that this 120 years refer to the time limit to repent before the flood; however, it has nothing to do with the flood, as we will later prove.

4 There were giants in the Earth in those days (as a result of the union of the fallen angels with the "daughters of men"); and also after that ("those days" speak of the time before the flood, while "also after that" speaks of the time after the flood; in fact, Goliath, who was killed by David, was one of those specimens), when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bore children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown (these terms, "mighty men, men of renown" shoot down the hypotheses of these terms referring merely to the lineage of Seth and the lineage of Cain).

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Permalink Reply by Kristi Leitholt on July 11, 2009 at 12:00am

So then what does he say about Mark 12:25?

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on July 11, 2009 at 12:15am

Mark 12:25
For when they shall rise from the dead (proclaims the guarantee by Christ of the coming Resurrection), they neither marry, nor are given in marriage (marriage was instituted by God to bring forth and perpetuate the human race; due to having glorified bodies in Heaven, which will take place in the Resurrection, there will be no death and, therefore, no need for marriage); but are as the Angels which are in Heaven (only in the sense of which He speaks).

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Permalink Reply by Kristi Leitholt on July 11, 2009 at 1:03am

This guy is a piece of work, I tells ya! Which is it, Swaggart: angels get married and procreate or they don't?

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Permalink Reply by Louis on July 11, 2009 at 1:27am

I suppose he could have just left the whole book blank and written "If god does it, it's good."

-- but I don't imagine he'd make any money from it.

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Permalink Reply by beautifully barren on July 16, 2009 at 12:15am

I'd love to see the spin on these

Exodus 21:20-21
Deuteronomy 25:11-12
I Corinthians 14:34-35

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on July 16, 2009 at 2:58pm

Exodus 21:20-21
20 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.
21 Nothwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money (meaning that he has paid for the services of the servant, and providing the cause was just, he must not be punished, even though he did hit him).

Deuteronomy 25:11-12
11 When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draws near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him who smites him, and puts forth her hand, and takes him by the secrets (shall not induce such pain by bruising the testicles, which could make the man impotent):
12 Then you shall cut off her hand, your eye shall not pity her.

I Corinthians 14:34-35
34 Let your woman keep silence in the Churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak (is not referring to women being used by the Lord in the Gifts [Acts 2"17; I Cor 11:5]; in Churches at that time, men and women did not normally sit together, but rather on opposite sides of the room; the women would call out to their husbands asking for an explanation concerning certain things, which was interrupting the Services); but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also says the Law refers back to Gen 3:16 and the Creation Model.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home (proving what we've said in the previous Verse): for it is a shame for women to speak in the Church (to speak out in the manner Paul has just mentioned; it doesn't refer to women Teachers or Preachers, etc.; if so, it would be wrong for a women (sic) to to sing or say anything in the Church, which we know is not correct).

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Permalink Reply by beautifully barren on July 16, 2009 at 10:41pm

OMG I cannot believe that the justification for ordering the amputation of a woman's hand for grabbing a guy on the balls (to aid her husband no less) is that she is rendering him impotent. LOL

And telling a women to keep quiet in church is because she would be 'interrupting' the service. Of course! why didnt I think of that. Women had AD/HD bad in those days.

Thanks Michelle - this is so entertaining. it must have taken him ages to wiggle through so many literal passages.

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