VATICAN CITY—Calling the behavior shameful, sinful, and much more frequent than the Vatican was comfortable with, Pope Benedict XVI vowed this week to bring the widespread pedophilia within the Roman Catholic Church down to a more manageable level.


Addressing thousands gathered at St. Peter's Square on Easter Sunday, the pontiff offered his "most humble apologies" to abuse victims, and pledged to reduce the total number of molestations by 60 percent over the next five years.


"This is absolutely unacceptable," Pope Benedict said. "It seems a weakening of faith in God has prevented our priests from exercising moderation when sexually abusing helpless minors."

 

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Tags: ", Catholics, Christianity, The Onion, The Poop, child abuse, pedophilia, religion, theists

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Replies to This Discussion

Even with your hints, I didn't catch on. Gullible is as gullible does. I shall just have to try harder to recognize satire when it hits me in the face. Thanks for the leg-pull.
Excuse me! Acceptable levels?! Since when is there an "acceptable level" of accepting a crime in and of the church? That is like saying a woman is 10 percent pregnant.

Pregnancy is pregnancy; pedophilia is pedophilia.
And The Onion is The Onion ... born and bred with tongue permanently planted in cheek!
OK Loren, you and other people urge me to read the Onion. I just brought the page up, and frankly, I don't see anything I want to read. I know, I am a prude ... I've been told that several times on Facebook ... and they are all absolutely correct. So, now you have enticed me to look again. So, can you be more specific about what I should read. I'm closed minded, but, willing to take a chance now and then.
Well, you just read one. Just go through it until you find an article that sounds funny to. I don't find everything in The Onion funny either.
There is something about college humor that I do not get. I guess I am too old to learn now.
It got me until the third paragraph.....Funniest thing I have read in a long time...and as noted..sad
And one more thing! Some of the church people get into the pants of some of the children. Some of the church people pray for the deranged soul and anoint forgiveness on the perpetrators of crimes.

All of the church gets into my home and life when they support laws that interfere with my personal decisions. I have to pledge elegance to a concept that I do not believe and in fact cannot pledge.

I am subjected to the declaration of "Thank god," when something good happens, or "god saved me," when some disaster devastates huge numbers of people, as if those who are alive and made so because of some grace that they deserve and those who perished were not worthy! Give me a break.

A person who survives terrible illness or injury or near death, who was attended by highly skilled professionals, technical people, serving people and even to the janitors who clean up the filth, blood, pus, and guts off the floor, bed and clothing, says "Thank god" to all and everyone who comes near.
Excuse me! If you want to thank someone, try thanking those who did the work to enable healing to occur.

I grant that healing is a mystery and I as well as most everyone have a "God of the Gaps" which means I don't know why, how, or what happened, and these are the things I do know. Now, let's get up off our knees and get busy.
You've never heard of The Onion before have you? You didn't read Loren's response either.
You mean I fell for another satirical article? I have been trying so hard to be less gullible. Oh well, I got some steam release out of this little caper. Now, I would like to find the article ... the search continues. Thanks, Susan, for your hint.
I am so embarrassed, I meant allegiance ... not elegance!
The really funny thing in this is that it's exactly the kind of missing-the-point the Church would make - it's not the amount of pedophilia that's the problem, so much as it is the cover-ups. In the unlikely event that the Pope would ever say something like this, you know that he'd include the fine print in there that he's not gonna stop the REAL problem.

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