Okay guys...this ones for you...

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kj on June 11, 2009 at 12:47pm

Oddly enough I think it is all based on the what that person requires in a companion.

I appreciate someone who is intellectually stimulated, not so materialistic, funny, and genuinely kind. Frankly, I don't think I ask for too much. :) One of the most coveted characteristics that both sexes appear to respond to would have to be confidence. If you are sure of yourself, you can bet that others will notice and be drawn to that.

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Permalink Reply by John Shuey on June 11, 2009 at 3:34pm

OK, I've been married for a very long time, but here is the way it worked for me:

The most important things for me as far as an initial impression were hair (?) and a smile. Every woman is more attractive when she's smiling.

Of course those things are only good for about one dinner. Then intelligence and a sense of humor kick in. I am married to a woman who is incredibly bright, has earned national recognition for being among the best in her profession, and yet who still laughs at my jokes and takes the time to ask me how my day was, even though I'm retired.

Oh...and we have become best friends. (That takes a while.)

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Permalink Reply by Leslee Love on June 11, 2009 at 3:49pm

Well, thank you guys....This is all very helpful. I've learned that I could smile more, I'm a tad shy..which leads me to the other thing I've learned: confidence. I'm a strong, intelligent woman, but lack confidence sometimes where men are concerned. I'm confident in my beliefs, or non-beliefs, and convictions; and am passionate about a lot of things. I just have yet to find one I can confidently share those with, and who will appreciate them. I agree, one must be confident in himself/herself for anyone to take him or her seriously. I have a lot of quirks I really could own up to, too!! :) Thanks again. I'm not trying to advertise myself...I just don't have a whole lot of atheist/agnostic guys around here to get advice from!! Looking forward to more great advice!!

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Permalink Reply by Angie Jackson on June 12, 2009 at 12:50pm

(I'm a girl, so forgive me, but I'm also bi...)
Confidence is easy - just fake it. I know that sounds trite, but after a horrific marriage and pregnancy weight gain, I wasn't feeling too confident or sexy. So I started to walk with better posture, head high, and just pretend I felt confident. The physical stances sent signals to my brain that I was confident, and I started to feel more confident. Also, other people started treating me as confident, also making me feel more confident. "Fake it till you make it" applies here very well. Best wishes in your romantic endeavors.

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Permalink Reply by Leslee Love on June 12, 2009 at 12:58pm

Well thank you for your reply Angie!! I have had a romantic experience with a woman and quite liked it. I will definitely walk in a more confident manner...playing tricks on my brain!!

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Permalink Reply by Luke on June 15, 2009 at 4:53am

Who am I to give advice to someone so self aware?

Year of teaching karate and self defense tell me that the 'fake it till you make it' is more than an internal confidence boost. As Angie quite rightly puts it, people respond to the confidence, or lack thereof, you project. If people read uncertainty from your body language they will immediately assume that their will is more important than your's. One unconsciously responds and they unconsciously reciprocate. A loop is established.

Strutting simply breaks that loop. It helps to know what you're talking about too but no amount of knowledge will win this power struggle unless you can project your knowledge.

So, my advice, take up karate. Good for fitness, confidence and posture. When you have sparred with dozens of people and little bit of social horn locking will be a breeze.

So sez I, aaargh. :)

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Permalink Reply by Leslee Love on June 15, 2009 at 3:15pm

Haha..I can just see me know...karate chopping and what ever it is you do!! I actually have thought about it though...that or something similar. I need to work on balance, concentration, and learning to defend myself properly! Is 32 too old to start!!? The only thing is, I can't stand bare feet!! Not mine, or anyone's :p.

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Permalink Reply by Gecko, Seth...brother of Richie! on June 15, 2009 at 3:33pm

OOO NOOO, how are they supposed to rub your feet??

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Permalink Reply by Leslee Love on June 15, 2009 at 3:36pm

Hahahaha...Ewwwwww!!! Do you guys really like doing that!!! ;)

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Permalink Reply by LeoPardus on June 15, 2009 at 3:58pm

You have a couple kids right? Martial arts would be good for you and them. Find a place where you and the kids can be together. (Not necessarily at the same time, but at least back-to-back classes.)
Personally I would recommend Judo or JuJitsu. After that, Krav Maga. I don't anybody in your area, but if you decide to try something, I can look at their web site and see if it puts up red flags for me.
[FYI: 28 years as a martial artist. Main styles: TaeKwnonDo, Judo. Lots of other stuff mixed in but no rank in them. .... And don't waste your time with a TKD school.]

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Permalink Reply by Luke on August 13, 2009 at 9:14am

Sorry about the delay. Different styles have different clothing requirements. A lot of self defence classes expect you to turn up in gym clothing. I have only ever done traditional karate styles so bare feet was their thing. You've just gotta shop around.

32 is not too old to start. One karate-ka I admire the most started at 60. By 67 she held a full black belt and was instructing. It helped her to be strong and stable. Her focus and speed were impressive. I could probably knock her down if I could catch her but she could fight off the floor so I'd get a kick in the groin for my trouble.

It will probably be a little overwhelming at first but once you just have stick with it. After a while you'll be looking forward to the camaraderie of friendly violent fun.

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Permalink Reply by Craig on August 13, 2009 at 11:48am

Try sombo

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