Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 20, 2011 at 9:14pm

Oh, I get it Phil.....I've been right where you are, except my ex husband didn't wait til we were divorced to start his male whore sex life and is still shocked I walked away because they didn't mean anything.  First thing you need to do, is tell your ex that you don't care to discuss sex with her, and if it keeps fucking you up, maybe you should just not talk to her at all.  It seems harsh, but at some point, you need to let go of any connection with her, so you can heal and move on.  I know this from personal experience.  I finally put a stop to talking to the ex.  I was immediately in a better place.  If she cares for you at all, she will understand.  Best of luck!!!  Sorry you are in the order of celibate atheists, but you are in good company!

Permalink Reply by Philip Jackson Armstrong on August 21, 2011 at 3:10pm

I'm good, long story. She moved to South Carolina so my youngest daughter could get in state tuition. A few weeks later she called and and said she wasn't coming back. It's clear now that she left with that intention. It doesn't fuck me up a bit. I was Ok with things until after a year, a few weeks ago, my daughters opened up and talked about it. They they refer to her as psycho bitch tramp, their own mother.  I'm just torn between being celibate and what really makes a good life. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I don't think so. But mistakes are always hindsight.

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on August 21, 2011 at 5:09pm

If they'd been living with you instead, they'd be bitching to her about you being psycho dad, that's just how teens in split families are.

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 21, 2011 at 6:35pm

Wow.....you GOTTA wonder what's behind those comments by your daughters!  I would never ask you to say just what, but did you ever find out?  Also are you saying that you would be happier going out and having sex?   If you think so, then why not give it a shot??  I mean, what have you got to lose?  If it doesn't indeed make you happier, then you won't have to worry about that, and you will know that you are doing the right thing.  Nothing wrong with checking out and even doing field research on your options.  For me, field research is done, and I know what I must do................  ;-/

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on August 20, 2011 at 9:06pm

How does casual sex demean sex???????????? I've had casual sex most of my life, I like it better than relationship sex. In relationships people take things for granted, with casual sex you can go full out and give it your all.

Casual sex is the glorification of sex, it's great, you really ought to try it :)

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 21, 2011 at 12:04am

Hey I'm not ever going to say what's good for me should be good for you!  It's just not how I roll.  I've just found that for me, I have to share way more than casual sexual feelings with someone in order for it to be satisfying to me.  I have often envied those that can do the sex for sport thing!  Everyone is different and I don't think someone who enjoys casual sex is wrong in any way period.  I'm just saying, I'm 41 years old, and being with someone in that way for me, is about more than a sexual act, and there are many things that contribute to me having sexual feelings about a guy, and it's about way more than a physical attraction.  But again, that is only me.  I think if you enjoy it, you should go out and get your groove on!!!  Have fun, be safe....because we ALL know you won't go to hell ;)~

Permalink Reply by TNT666 on August 21, 2011 at 1:00am

Sex for sport would be like saying enjoying a massage "for sport". It is much more. Casual sex need not be sporty and vacuous, it can be fully 'involved' and caring and loving...

Notice my response was to Philip's calling it "demeaning"...

During the act of casual sex only morons "demean" sex by not giving respect to their partners, no matter how short the partnership. In addition, I've also seen people not respect their long-term partners.

 

Duration of the partnership has little impact on its quality :)

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 21, 2011 at 1:44am

Maybe I was thinking that the word casual ruled out being fully involved or caring and loving...but that's a personal thing as well, because I don't associate those things as being casual.  If I felt that casual sex had those types of attributes, I would be able to find it fulfilling.  I'm glad that your experience has been different.  I'm certainly NOT passing judgment for sure, and I am always happy to find someone having the freedom to do things their own way, without having to answer to ANYONE for it.  Maybe I'm just jealous because you stand a much better chance of getting out of the nunnery/abbey sooner than me ;)......lol

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 21, 2011 at 4:46am

I guess it depends upon your definition of casual sex.  I'm a giver, so hooking up with a ridiculously hot girl that I met in a bar or something (not that I ever go to bars) would be a bit shallow and meaningless, for my tastes.  If I had a platonic friend who really needed sex though, I could see sleeping with her, even if we didn't have any specifically romantic interest in each other, as long as she was reasonably attractive.  That would be a sufficient level of interest and closeness, I think.

Permalink Reply by Kelly M on August 21, 2011 at 6:31pm

So what are you trying to say here Joesph???  lol

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on August 22, 2011 at 8:25am

Since when have I needed to have a point?  History demonstrates otherwise.  :-P

Permalink Reply by dr kellie on August 21, 2011 at 6:00am

Yup.  Casual sex can be quite intimate in it's own way.  I form "bonds" with other women in many ways.  Sex is just one, and it can be very sweet.

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