as if we needed more proof that it's inherently Christian to have the need to feel persecuted. this made me wonder why O'Reilly doesn't push for more celebration of Jewish holidays in public schools. i never hear Jews complain about it - i guess they've accepted their persecution.
i know that Easter is a big old Christian holiday, but let's face it - no one likes Easter. ok, kids like their egg hunts and chocolate bunnies, but grown up believers don't dig on Easter. personally, i think it's b/c the whole resurrection story is so hard for adults to swallow and they don't like to be confronted with superstitions that ordinarily they'd dismiss.
anyway, i welcome the war on Easter. it's bad enough that schools celebrate Xmas for a full month (it's a season after all), but Easter has no place in a public school. it's the beginning of spring - celebrate that. have your spring egg hunts - that makes a lot more sense than bunnies who bear live children passing out eggs for some unknown reason.
The war on Easter has been won by celebrating the Spring Equinox! It is real, measurable, identifiable, falsifiable, and days start getting longer than nights. Whoopie! Oh! and yes, egg hunts started eons before Easter claimed the holiday.
At least it involves Chocolate!
I like Chocolate! In the easter story, the Roman soldier knew Jesus was dead when he stuck a spear into Jesus abdomen. This is kind of like testing the done-ness of a cake by sticking a knife in it to see if it comes out clean.
Anyway, my theory is that it wasn't really blood and water, but rather chocolate. That's the connection of the chocolate tradition to easter.
God punished western humanity by removing chocolate from the Middle East, which is why no one in the West got any until they came to the Americas and discovered the Chocolate the Mayans were eating. Who, as everyone knows, were one one the lost tribes of Israel, and had brought chocolate with them when they went to Mexico. Or something.
SB, you're close. But it wasn't a lost tribe of Israel that brought chocolate to America. According to the Book of Mormon, it was the Nephites (the light skinned people who descended from Nephi, who came to America from Israel), and who were ultimately defeated by the Lamanites (the descendants of Nephi, who turned away from god). And after Jesus rose from the dead, he came to America to convert them, saw his shadow, and that's why we have 6 more weeks of winter. Then Satan came to destroy all of Jesus' good work, and gave the Lamanites a recipe for Devil's Food Cake, which is where chocolate comes from. And that, boys and girls, is why we eat chocolate eggs and rabbits to commemorate the walking dead of Roman occupied Palestine.
You know, making this shit up as you go along really isn't that hard. Hmmmmm, I could write a book, get followers, collect tax free money, and start my own..... Naw, to hell with it.
Thank you for clearing that up for me. It all makes sense now.
you guys are too funny! good stuff.
Right, and all you need is a good story of why you don't have the original golden plates anymore! (After turning away from god, the Lamanites' descendants were doomed to eat their chocolate from plates of china or stoneware, or even paper or plastic.)
Well they weren't really golden plates. They were gold foil wrapped chocolates, like the coins we see today. Now just like today, when you eat that much chocolate in one sitting, you get in trouble with either your mother or your wife. When that happens, you have to dispose of the evidence by crumpling up the foil into a really small ball and hiding it. That explains why they can't find the plates.
Now I understand. A bit cheap of them though, not using the real thing. Ain't that just like a Lamanite.
Wow, between zombie piñata Jesus, who's also the barometer for groundhogs day, and a veritable treasure trove of mormon chocolate, your religion is sounding better and better Pat! I think I'm in!
I'd love to create a show where christians hear from bible theologians and atheist storytellers, each giving their own account of biblical tales, except they don't know who is who, and they have to figure out who is telling the "truth", according to scripture. Now THAT'S television.
Great idea Mathew! I wonder who who will win? No I don't!