Greetings everyone...... yes I am new here. I really do not know where to begin but I can give you a little of my Xian background. Warning! The cult meter may be flashing.
I grew up in the 70's in Northern Illinois (I am around 13 at the time). We did not go to "church". Instead we had "prayer meetings" every Friday nite at someones house or in the basement of a large Catholic church. The leadership consisted of 12 group leaders who would sit in front and face everyone. We would sing all the cool church songs from the 70's & read the bible. The service would always lead to everything from speaking in tongues, personal prophesies, visions, people being "slain in the spirit", etc. Pretty weird stuff for a teenager to experience.
As the years progressed, the "group" leaders decided that we must all live closer to each other. My parents moved down the street from the main "leaders". The "leaders" started to get more controlling. We had to pray each day and ask the Lord what we should to that day, make out a "schedule" & back everything up with scripture. Before we could do this schedule, we had to be "clean". That meant that we had to remove the "demons" that controlled us. This was done by rebuking them & the blowing them out of our bodies. Yes I know that was freaky but it's the truth. Once the demons were "confirmed" loosed from our bodies, I could then submit my schedule to my parents & the leaders. This was an everyday thing. They in turn would pray about it & ask God if this was from Him. This was called "confirming". If the leadership had a personal prophesy for you, they would require you to pray about it even before you read it or heard it from them. It would be used to expose your weaknesses or to point out your"problems".
By this time I was a senior in High school. This process got worse. It was to the point that I had to pray about everything, from going to a movie to playing outside. If my parents or the leadership prayed and got a "different" answer from God then I was not allowed to do it. Needless to say, I faked most of it and the leadership never knew. I know this sounds so much like a cult and to today's standard, it probably was. At that time it was all we knew. Still to this day, all of this is stamped in my brain.
I have been on a quest to find out if what I was taught was real truth or just a bunch of mindless hocus pocus. You can see where I came from and understand how much that can impact somebody's beliefs. I am tired of being taught a lie. It has consumed me way to long. I need help in putting some sanity back into my life.
Please feel free to comment. I don't get offended very easily.