My husband wants to get into Christian ministry!! HELP!!!

I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years, we've been together 7 years and we've known each other for almost 20 years.  We have 3 children together (and another child from his previous relationship)

 

With all that being said, he asked me the other day if I would support him if he went into ministry.  He wants to use his GI bill $$ to go to college to become a minister/preacher.  He has a well paying job and he was suppose to go to college to basically get licensed and a degree in his field now.  

 

He really wants to start a youth outreach program (god centered).  But yet he doesn't put his all into his own 4 children.  Don't get me wrong, he's a good father/daddy to them, but his focus isn't always on them 100% when he is with them.

 

How can I support him in this foolish life choice/quest of his?  I love him very very much, but this path he is going down is not one I want to be part of AT ALL!  He talks to his friends about me and they say that he should follow his path and I will somehow find the lord thru him.  I am literally fuming right now!!!!!!  

 

I need words of wisdom.  What should I do?   

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He wants to quit his well paying job and rely on donations and fees for the youth outreach program.  He wants to teach them maintenance stuff and teach them about god while doing that.  My issue is that he should spend time with his OWN children.  I know if I was a kid and my daddy spent all his time with other kids instead of me I would feel terrible!

I was probably agnostic when we first got together.  But over the years I realized I was atheist.  I went to church with him a few times to "try" it.  Instead of feeling the holy spirit, I got angry being there.  Even after we left I was still mad at how naive people can be to believe this junk and throw their spare money to them willingly.  

I know he loves me a lot, but I question daily what he loves more me, his children or his god.  I am humble enough to admit I am jealous of his devotion/love/time/attention he puts into his beliefs.  It makes me less of a person.  Maybe i am the one with issues?

If he quit his job w/o my approval and he claimed the lord would provide, I'd either commit him or I'd get exasperated until he got his life together.

 

My parents were roman catholics, but they didn't act like it.  They force me to get communion confirmation etc.  They barely went to church either.  They were never there for me either.  They were home, but it was clear that I was just a burden, a black sheep, a mistake as they liked to call me.

@Shay

I know he loves me a lot, but I question daily what he loves more me, his children or his god.  I am humble enough to admit I am jealous of his devotion/love/time/attention he puts into his beliefs.  It makes me less of a person.


Have you talked to him about this?

Yes and he says god comes first but we are his his top priority otherwise.

 

As an atheist I find it insulting that a fairy tale takes priority over his real wife/kids.

I completely agree.  It honestly makes no sense to me that he would neglect (in any degree) his own children to start a youth outreach program.  I really hope you make it clear to him that what he is doing is illogical and that his obsession is threatening to irresponsibly put his family at risk.

He believes it is his "calling", that the holy spirit or god or whatever is directing him to the path of god in ministry.

Are there any other signs of insanity?  This alone doesn't necessarily indicate anything, because it's a common script that everyone is familiar with.  In the religious social sphere, it's easy to imagine how that life would seem successful and attractive, the content of childhood fantasies.  Maybe he has remembered his dream and looks for (and unfortunately, believes he sees) any signs that might tell him he should make it a reality.

He says he is into god b/c it makes him a better husband/father b/c otherwise he is a selfish person

This is a dangerous thing to hear from someone, because if they believe it, then it could create a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When they do lose their religion, believing it was their only source of morality, they might truly change their behavior for the worse.  IMO, it's important to emphasize to these people that they are who they are with or without religion, that if there is no god then there was never a god, never any outside force controlling their behavior.  It was always within them.

LOL, I have actually told him he needs medication and help b/c his behavior (any religious persons for that matter) makes me think of schizophrenia.  

He really thinks it is his purpose/calling to spreading the word/joy of god to others.

 

I have also said something to him that is very similar to what you stated.  I said with or without god, you are you.  You are probably confusing your conscience with god talking to you.  He is a good man otherwise (taking the entire god thing out of the equation).  I told him god doesn't define him, god doesn't mold him, god doesn't make you do or not do anything...he is in control of all his actions or lack of actions.  He says I am completely wrong.

 

I get SO angry because he doesn't hear me or even consider what I have to say as an alternate theory to what he believes.   

 

I was watching the history of the world/earth/us (forgot which one it was) in 2hours.  He left the room at the very beginning of the show when they said the big bang made everything.  He wouldn't even entertain the idea of something other than his god creating everything.  UGH!  I don't force anything on him.  I only bring up my angle when he talks his god nonsense.

At his stage, I wouldn't be surprised if he is also convinced that everything, every thought, and every person trying to bring him back to reality is possessed by the devil or demons or is god testing him.  He might not be vocal about it even if it's true.  I wish the best for you, Shay, and I hope you eventually get your husband back.
I agree with The Nerd here. There are different layers at work and you should see why he's taking his friends advice.
I hope you get things worked out.

There is a key word here: PRIORITIES.  Where are his, particularly as regards YOU, his kids, vs. this new foray into religiosity?

There's also the matter of Just WHERE Did This Impulse To Become a Preacher Come From?!?  Has he thought this through or is this a mid-life trip of some sort?

I think he has a LOT of questions to answer to YOUR satisfaction before following through with this.

Loren has a good point too. His priorities aren't what they should be. Though I realize that Christians are taught to put god first.

He believes it is his "calling", that the holy spirit or god or whatever is directing him to the path of god in ministry.

 

I have been really on his case b/c he has threw himself into religion and all we (me and the kids) can do is watch him and wait for our turn to have his attention.

He does his bible reading/praying in the car before leaving for work, (he also prays w/one daughter while waiting for the bus, I don't approve of it and he doesn't care), he must pray/read bible throughout the day a lot, and before he goes to bed he reads bible or christian books.  Oh not to mention he listens to christian music while he does his work on computer, and while in the car.

 

He says he is into god b/c it makes him a better husband/father b/c otherwise he is a selfish person

You nailed it here.  I think he's being selfish.  I don't think you're the nut here (you asked above).   It's a con or at the very least it's a poorly thought out decision to leave fate to the wind. 

Now is a good time to look to your employability yourself.  A lot of husbands take their housewives financially hostage into their decisions but I think putting up with this kind of decision makes my skin crawl.

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