My daughter and my funeral.

If I die before my parents I dont think there is much I can do about my funeral. I am not going to tell my parents "who are understanding and extremely moderate methodists" to not give me a christian ceremony and burial. I am dead. I could care less what happens after that. It will give them some peace so why not? Anyone that knows me including my parents will probably get a huge kick out of the irony.

What I do have a problem with is my parents and her mother (we are not together) wanting to take her to bible study and church. I am afraid telling them not to will come as an insult to them. I can already hear them saying "what can it hurt"? and boy do they not want my answer to that.

I know many of you have been in this pickle before and I am looking for some really good excuses that will let them down easy. The only thing I can come up with is that I dont want my daughter brainwashed and a slew of topics that we are all aware of. Its hard to reason with these religious people but this is my family.

I am new here so if this has already been addressed you can point me to old posts.
take care,
Aaron

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Permalink Reply by Nate on August 17, 2009 at 8:47pm
Permalink Reply by Chrys Stevenson on August 17, 2009 at 9:11pm
You might want to send a message to AN member, Dale McGowan, author of Parenting Beyond Belief. If you don't have him added as a friend, you can add a comment to his page. I'm sure he'll have an interesting perspective on your problem.
Permalink Reply by Marci B on August 17, 2009 at 11:56pm
I came across this issue when it came time to choose a guardian for our kids. DH's brother and family are in the best place to care for our kids should we die, but they are devout Mormon. When I asked DH if he thought his brother would honor my request to let our kids choose their faith (or lack thereof) for themselves, he said, "Good luck with that." But we didn't have any other options. So I had a frank conversation with BIL, telling him that I appreciated his right to his own faith, but that I would like to know that should they end up with our kids that they would allow them the right to educate and choose themselves. He said sure, which was pretty much what I was expecting. But they are good people, if misguided, and despite the faith issue, I have to be okay with my choice and the fact that I had the conversation.
Permalink Reply by Dawn K on August 19, 2009 at 5:11pm
You might be interested in this: Link describing how one atheist approached a neighbor that wanted to take her son to church.

I have not been in this situation, but I think that if my kid expressed an interest in going to church I would be okay with it and that's how I'd approach the grandparents. You are probably in a more difficult spot with her mother although not knowing your relationship I can't say any more.
Permalink Reply by Louis on August 19, 2009 at 6:15pm
I actually do care what happens to my body after I die.

When I die I want all my organs harvested, I won't be needing them anymore but there's every chance that there's someone who will. What's not useful I want disposed of to the tune of "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."
Permalink Reply by Aaron Landes on August 20, 2009 at 1:41am
I doubt my organs will be worth much. No one wants my lungs that's for sure and my liver? I guess we will leave my body to the scientists. I am with you. Yea they can take my parts but in the end I really dont care. Its what I do to my body and that was my choice. I don't think about preserving my body so others could benefit my parts. I live for me and I soak up every minute of life. The human species will go on without organ transplants. Give and let give? Jerry Falwell died because he was fat and we all can guarantee no one wants his heart or or kidneys. Lets just be natural in the cycle of life.
Permalink Reply by Wiley Coyote on August 20, 2009 at 10:01am
I totally agree. When i die, I want any useful organs, tissue, whatever to be harvested for donation. Whatever is left over I want to go for scientific research or medical training. What the heck, it's not like I'll be needing it anymore.
Permalink Reply by Aaron Landes on August 21, 2009 at 1:11am
John she is 21 months. And after reading the link that nate gave me I just decided to confront my parents. Well clearly my parents know I am a non believer but I did not think they would be understanding. Come to find out my Dad does not believe in dogma or any religious shit. As he pulled me aside he told me that being in an administrative position in education he feels that his job is a lot more secure if his peers see that he goes to church. And that is just how things work. My mom who does believe said something similar. It makes her feel nice to know she is around her friends, students, and staff on Sunday learning the Red text of Jesus and his positive messages. It was a wake up call to me to have first hand evidence that Bill Maher and Christopher Hitchins are right. There are a lot of people who go church for the wrong reason and are fine with staying in the closet to save their career and avoid persecution.

If you live in Kansas as I do you will be hard pressed to find any one that will admit they are an atheist. I missed my first Wichita atheists meeting Tuesday because I was in class but I hear there were actually people filming out side the meeting place.
Permalink Reply by Rev Hellbound Alleee on August 22, 2009 at 6:44pm
I say, put it in writing. Then you may never have to come out at all. If it's in the Living Will, they'll have to search their "souls" to do what's right. Of course, you would never know if that happened, right?

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