Morally Depraved because I came out Atheist

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Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2012 at 8:16pm

James, Many families don't want their young people to go to college because students often return with doubts or rejection of faith in god. In my opinion, the reason fundamentalist churches want creationism replacing evolution is because science offers too many reasons to doubt dogma. 

I agree with you totally that religious people themselves provide enough evidence to reject faith in a supernatural nature. 

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Simeone on April 28, 2012 at 3:23pm

Hi Joan, When I was in law school I had to read several cases involving a man forcing himself on his unwilling wife. Unfortunately, men could have their wives whenever they wanted in many states until the early 80s. How that made sense to anyone is beyond me. Ignoring the terrible laws for a mmoment what does it say about men who think the legal system should be a tool that men can use to force their wives to submit? How could anyone want a relationship that is routed in control? It just makes no sense to me.

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Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2012 at 4:17pm

Johathan, you state the situation very accurately. Some men think women like to be forced, but I have never met a woman who is content with a mate who forces her to do anything, or who aggresses against her.

Patriarchal religious males often feel the necessity to be in charge and women often think and act subordinate to male domination. I believe it is a religious custom and tradition that continues because of early learning and cultural traditions. Surely size difference matters, but the real differences are in the heads of those who would dominate or submit. Being with husbands and wives who think and act as partners seem to have a lot more fun than do hierarchical arrangements. At least I like being around true partnership marriages. 

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on April 28, 2012 at 6:10pm

Joan I agree that true partnership marriages are the most ethical arrangement. A marriage which has no hierarchy.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on April 28, 2012 at 6:08pm

Oh I agree wholeheartedly! Why would anyone want a relationship where the partner controls you. You are right in that it makes no sense.

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Permalink Reply by JLC on April 28, 2012 at 5:41pm

My mother is genuinely surprised I'm not a thief and murderer. She attributes all my good qualities to god and all my bad qualities to my atheism.

I'm pretty whatever about it now.

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Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2012 at 7:42pm

Many mothers are like you describe. I worked much of my career with troubled boys at boys' ranches; many parents truly did not know acting out behaviors were attempts to communicate. The fact is, most troubled marriages and children can learn skills that help make life less stressful and more pleasurable.

About a third of the boys I worked with had parents who were too strict and they very often justified their strictness on religious grounds. About a third of the boys were from neglectful homes and needed more structure. About a third of them got into or were born into unhealthy environments and lacked good role models. Although boys from three loosely defined categories had different needs, the remedy for most boys and parents was learning how to listen, assert themselves, solve problems and resolve conflicts in healthy ways. These are all learned behaviors. 

I hope your mother learns that god is not the author of your "good qualities" and atheism is not the author of your "bad qualities" but rather evidence of unrealistic expectations, lack of interpersonal skills, and desire to mold your character into someone she wanted you to be, as opposed to creating an environment where you can grow and mature into the person you are. 

Children are kind of like my garden. I provide the environment, and select the amount of water and food and light unique to each plant, I sow the seeds, and then nature does the rest. 

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Simeone on April 28, 2012 at 8:13pm

I couldn't handle being with a woman who wanted to be dominated. To me there's nothing more interesting or exciting than a partnership that encourages both people to grow by enabling both of them to bring their skills and differences to the relationship.

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Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2012 at 8:21pm

Hi Jonathan, good for you! According to my crystal ball (which is really listening to what you say), you have a great life ahead. 

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on April 28, 2012 at 8:50pm

That's a wonderful attitude about relationships Jonathan. Yeah lol ... Looks like that palm reader was right!

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Simeone on April 28, 2012 at 8:28pm

Last summer I worked at a camp for visually impaired kids. One afternoon this guy came to read palms. Even though I have no belief in that kind of stuff at all I got mine read because the kids I was with wanted it done. He told me that I would be getting married and that I'd have a long, happy marriage. He also told me that I'd be making a lot of money soon. So, you might be onto something. lol By the way, he told another adult that he was going to experience a great deal of pain in life. From what I know about that guy I think he might be right about that.   

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Permalink Reply by Joan Denoo on April 28, 2012 at 9:52pm

Jonathan, working with visually impaired kids must have provided you with some very interesting experiences. Did you learn anything about yourself, or your life experiences by working with them? Perhaps how they used their other senses that inspired you to experiment.  I have never worked with such sensual deprivation, but I imagine I would start by trying to live for a while, an hour or a day,  with a blindfold. Were you challenged in finding ways to facilitate their participation? 

I once tried to help a blind man through a door and I ran him right into a door frame. I felt so badly and he very gently said it happened to him all the time. He told me did better without "help". 

I have not a clue how a palm reader works, but I use what is called "neurolinguistic programming" and "cold reading" which means nothing more than listening carefully to how people choose words and string them together. These techniques help communicate with more than statements or opinions. For example, some say, "I have to go back to the salt mines;" Others say "I work at a great job." When I read your words, I see optimism. 

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