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Lets Build a Library of Religious Platitudes

Joseph Langston said in another thread his religious relative accused him of "...just being angry with God." This prompted an idea. If it's been done here already... we can kill the thread.

Let's build a library of religious platitudes-- the dumbass hackneyed sayings Christians throw out like so much bullshit that it makes you laugh everytime you hear them.

Here is partial list drawn from actual experience / observation:

Basic death Platitudes for other Believers:
“Don’t be sad, Little Timmy is with Jesus now.”
“Just trust God.”
“God called little Bobby home.”
“Little Susie is in our prayers.”
“She’s in a better place now.”
“Jesus holds you in His loving arms during your hour
of grief.”
“I’ll offer blessings of comfort and strength.”
"God works in strange and mysterious ways."
"Who are we to know God's plan."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Proselytizing Platitudes:
“Just open your heart to Jesus.” (also known as the
“Stop Thinking!!” gambit)
“The proof of Him is all around you.”
“Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior let Him be yours
as well.”
“He died for your sins.”
“Why are you angry at God?” or "Why do you hate
God??”
“If a Christian hurt you at some time, I’m sorry.”
“You deny Him with your words, but you know that He
lives.”
“The Lord loves you and He is quite capable to communicate
that to you and to cause you to believe, whether
you want to or not.”
“I’ll pray for you.”

Pissed off Platitudes:
“You’ll see the error of your ways when you standeth
before Him and tremble!”
“Every knee shall bend … you just wait!”
“Only a fool says there is no God! Thou art a Fool!!”
“If you don’t believe in God and Heaven, why don’t you
just kill yourself!?”
“I’ll enjoy watching you burn in Hell for eternity.”
"You're taking that scripture out of context!!"
"So what if you know the Bible, even Satan can spout scripture."
“I’ll pray for you.”

Anyone have any others/favorites to share?

Hump
http://atheistcamel.blogspot.com/

Tags: christian, platitudes, sayings

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Permalink Reply by Kristi Leitholt on August 11, 2009 at 10:08pm

My sister is constantly telling me "You need to be more open-minded!"

I tell her, "I am open-minded! I just don't want my brain to fall out!"

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Permalink Reply by Jaume on August 11, 2009 at 5:18pm

This one particularly irks me:

"How could a billion people (who believe in God) be wrong?"

Typical answers:
- Using your reasoning, the earth was flat before Magellan, and it had an undetermined shape before Gagarin and Glenn photographed it from orbit.
- The same billion of people who once believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?
- Which god?
- How could a billion Hindus be wrong?
- There's many more people than that who don't believe in YOUR god!
- At least 999,000,000 of your billion of believers are only parotting what the rest say, without any evidential support. Is that opinion? What if I train one billion parrots to say "God does not exist" all day long?

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Permalink Reply by Jim DePaulo on August 15, 2009 at 6:43am

If a billion people believe a stupid thing..... it's still a stupid thing.

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Permalink Reply by Laura Largent on August 31, 2009 at 12:22pm

I love the parrot idea, let's work on that :oP

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Permalink Reply by Sixfeetunderthegun on August 11, 2009 at 5:22pm

Ever since I heard that bitch from Westboro Baptist say it repeatedly, I've noticed it a lot more...referring to him as "The Lord your God". Maybe it's just because it's Westboro, but it still boils my blood.

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Permalink Reply by dromedaryhump on August 13, 2009 at 2:46pm

You mean like that verne??
:)

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Permalink Reply by Kristi Leitholt on August 13, 2009 at 5:16pm

Oh, I just thought of another one, something my dad claims I used to say when I was a little kid: "Jesus don't make no junk!"

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Permalink Reply by dromedaryhump on August 13, 2009 at 6:39pm

Kristi,
LOL. I don't even know what that means. It sounds vaugely reminisent of "Buy American."

I'm not sure that qualifies as a platitude in the strict sense of the word ... but hey, maybe it'll catch on. ;)

Yours,
Hump

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer E. on August 13, 2009 at 7:07pm

Perhaps it refers to the absurd notion that "we are all made in his image." Except, of course, for anyone not believing in exactly the same thing they believe, and those born with deformities of the mind or body...