What do you do when the Jehova's Witnesses come knocking on the door?

In the past 2-weeks, I have had them and the Mormons come a-knockin' on my door!

Do you a) tell them your an atheist...
or, do you b) humour them like I do...(which is sooo much fun! especially when I know stuff they don't)

...and then tell them you're an atheist?

Tags: annoying, jehova, mormons, witness

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I personally prefer to talk to Jehovah's. Moromons (from my experience) are way to passive. during my first encounter with Morons...I meant Mormons, they left after I told them I didn't beleive in theirs shit. Then I also made one of them cry for his dumb witted support for California's Prop 8, pointing out hypocrisy of polygamy among the Mormons.
Jehovas...oh, different story...its like that:
" Oh, an Atheist...Well, here is a new Watch Tower that talks about a water cycle...." and then expects me to fall on my knees and pray out loud because of it. " No, didn't work? How about those multi lingual books I have here, you Russian? here is Russian translation, studying German? here practice it, CHinese? no? Well, how about you lern it? Jehovas books are the best tool for studying languages...."

So, the solutions:
-For Mormons, tell them that you beleive in equality, so they can fuck off with their bigoted beleives
-Jehova's...fuck with them a bit about accuracy of the Bible and hypocrisy of their blood transfusion...they seem to always get in roadblock with these issues.
-Baptist Evangelist, hm, called the police and report trespassing...my friend did it and it worked

I actually had a Jehovah's W. come by fairly regularly.  She was pleasant, but scared of my dogs, so I just bled her of those pamphlets/magazines (if I destroy them no one else gets em!)

 

One day,  she came by to introduce me to her new husband.  My repressed lapsed jewish personna surged forward, and I wished them "mazel tov".   Haven't seen them since.

Keep a copy of these JW repellants near your front door:





Keep these near the front door, and When the JW's come a'knockin, just hold up these repellants, and watch them run, run, run away like cockroaches exposed to the light.

I have a little sign indicating "no religious peddlers" (you know the one, the stick figures with bibles with a slash through) so they should know better than to pester me. If they ignore the sign, good! I keep a squirt gun by the door, and I squirt them with water like I would do to an aggressive house-cat or any other pest. I smile and aim for the shirt (not the face or anything, that would be mean) so they have to go home and change shirts. It's super fun! I don't think talking to them works, and I don't usually enjoy it anyway, and some of them in my neighborhood are really pushy and creepy and some don't speak English, but they all know what being squirted means, it means "Go Away!"

Mess your hair up before you answer your door and invite them in.

Before they can start their spiel, pretend to go all schizophrenic and start talking about the new world order, 2012, the planet niberu, chem trails, and all other forms of conspiracy theories that come to mind, then give them tinfoil hats as a parting gift.

Note: You should have some tinfoil hats ready for when they come a knocking. XD

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