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Jesus Got Me Out of Jail!
Take this as nothing more than a rant. However, I had to unload on someone, and who better than my fellow non-believers.
This morning, I was in a hearing in Court on an appointed case where my client had proceedings filed to extradite him to another state on a felony charge, which carried 5 years in prison. The warrant from the other state had been filed a month ago, and since that time, my client has sat in a jail cell, unable to post bail.
At the hearing, I made what I believed was a well thought out argument as to why the other state was not acting in good faith, and in the process, violating the law. I had researched this thoroughly, and cited everything from the Constitution, to appellate court opinions, to statute law. Apparently, it was a good argument, since the judge agreed with me, dismissed the case, and cut my client loose.
Here's the rant part. Momma was sitting in the Courtroom, and when the judge ordered the case dismissed and set my client free, she started thanking God and Jesus. After she was calmed down, she went out in the hallway, with my client and they both started praising the Lord for setting him free. Not once, did either of them ever even acknowledge my presence, say so much as a thank you, or even a "go to hell." Nothing. The Jewish Zombie and his firm got all the credit.
When working on this case, I don't ever recall Jesus helping draft a brief, researching statute or case law, formulating any arguments., or so much as getting me a cup of coffee when I got stuck on something.
I guess since Jesus did all the work, I should let him collect the bill. Anybody got a current mailing on address for him?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dave Rogers on -
Luckily for Jesus, he didn't have to take the blame if your client had been convicted. Seems he's never around to take the blame, but he always there to take the credit.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on -
nor did Jesus have to take the blame for your client having to spend a month in jail.
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Permalink Reply by Nic on -
Yeah, when's the last time a football team lost the super bowl and the player says: "Fuckin' Jesus! Why'd you make us lose?
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Permalink Reply by Pat on -
I've actually had a number of clients walk into Court with a Bible in their handcuffed hands. Every Judge I've ever known usually rolls his/her eyes,looks at me while I shrug my shoulders, and proceeds with the testimony. Funny how, if they lose, they never look up in Deuteronomy on the proper procedure of an appeal.
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Permalink Reply by Nic on
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Hahaha! I went to jail once and my public pretender who is overly religious was mad that I wouldn't tell the judge I had god in my life to help my case. I was like dude, if I lie it'll be worse soo I'll just tell the truth. In the end, I think I shouldve lied hahaha
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Permalink Reply by Nic on
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Hahaha! I went to jail once and my public pretender who is overly religious was mad that I wouldn't tell the judge I had god in my life to help my case. I was like dude, if I lie it'll be worse soo I'll just tell the truth. In the end, I think I shouldve lied hahaha
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Permalink Reply by feralboy12 on -
"We were winning the game--until Jesus made me fumble."
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Permalink Reply by funk Q on -
"We were happily living in abject poverty, malnourished and diseased, under the threats of terrorists until god unleased this tsunami/flood/fire/earthquake on us and foreign aid saved our lives. Praise be to _____ (insert name of preferred deity or minion thereof)!"
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Anker on -
Charge them an extra fee because you apparently required the assistance of Jesus? I'm sure they'll deny his hand if it means paying more.
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Permalink Reply by Ian on -
"Congratulations on winning the Boston marathon by one second, do you have any comments?"
"I want to thank myself for not wasting my breath praying to any deities during the race. It probably made all the difference between first and second."
And is Jesus guilty of practicing law without a license?
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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on -
Since you had a silent partner, you should charge billing hours for him, too.
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