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I'm impressed!  The last time I saw photos of Jesus, he had long flowing locks.  Damn hippie!  Tonight I came home to this circular:

Almost trendy!  At least it's not a mullet!  

Jesus has really cleaned up his act.  A goatee would be better, but hey, this is 2013 and full facial hair is in again.  Plus, it's nicely trimmed, if full.

I remember reading somewhere, Jesus didn't really have the Tiny Tim hair style anyway.  Something about, being a carpenter, the long hair was in danger of getting caught in his band saw or power drill and then he would need to miracle himself.

Not sure of his ethnicity - Alsatian maybe?  

Well, at least everyone is smiling.  They all have nice white teeth, too!  Another of Jesus miracles, detailed in the book of Crest.

Then there's the 6-pack abs.  How did he get those?  Must be the fishing.  Hard work hauling in those nets.  I haven't had abs like those since I was 33.

Probably not the response the mysterious visitors wanted.  I wish they were here so I could discuss "Brad Pitt Jesus" with them.  He's much sexier than he was before his make-over.

Maybe next time.  I always think of the best thing to say hours, even days, later anyway.

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I was thinking he looked a little like Robert Redford. 

Good point! 

In reading the first page of this Aryan Brother Pamphlet, all I could think of was the questions.

WHO IS THIS MAN? I give up. Who? Is the question multiple choice or fill-in-the-blank? Am I supposed to recognize him from a picture on the wall in the Post Office, next to that of Manny Gambini, a/k/a "Manny the Enforcer"?

HOW DOES HIS DEATH HELP US? Lets see. Oh yeah, I got it. Because he's dead, he's not going door-to-door on Sunday morning and interrupting my sex life!

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT THAT WE REMEMBER HIM? Because when he came out of his cave, he saw his shadow, which means we have 6 more weeks of winter.

Double dammit!  I wonder, tho, how he could have a shadow.  Doesn't Jesus emanate light from within?

And, verily, his "frat bros" hung his cloth in a tree and returned to yon "animal house" to partake in more holy beer--uh, water and laugh until the "spirit" sprung forth in a mighty stream followed by screams of "god, we are drunk!" Then they passed out and "saw visions." Then awoke to more mighty streams coming forth until all decided to partake in the latest offerings at the holy house of international pancakes.                               


I got the same pamphlet at left at my door. Now let me tell you, that is NOT a haircut, that is a hair design and in any big city will cost you $80 to $200. Personally, I have never seen the Lord looking so cool.

Wow!  I hope Jesus gave the stylist a generous tip!

He did. He told him "The meek shall inherit the earth, so you'd better tone it down a bit."

Sexy Black Jesus with Dreads

Fresh, Summer's Eve Jesus

Oompa Loompa Jesus

Old Spice Jesus

Sexy Bedroom Eyes Jesus

Punk Rock Jesus

On Ecstasy Jesus

Jerry Curl Jesus

College Portrait Jesus

Too much!  Sexy Black Jesus, Jerry Curl Jesus, and Old Spice Jesus are my favorites!  Punk Rock Jesus is goofy enough to be cute.  A couple of the others are too hippy for me.

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