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Jesus Got a Haircut!

I'm impressed! The last time I saw photos of Jesus, he had long flowing locks. Damn hippie! Tonight I came home to this circular:

Almost trendy! At least it's not a mullet!

Jesus has really cleaned up his act. A goatee would be better, but hey, this is 2013 and full facial hair is in again. Plus, it's nicely trimmed, if full.

I remember reading somewhere, Jesus didn't really have the Tiny Tim hair style anyway. Something about, being a carpenter, the long hair was in danger of getting caught in his band saw or power drill and then he would need to miracle himself.

Not sure of his ethnicity - Alsatian maybe?

Well, at least everyone is smiling. They all have nice white teeth, too! Another of Jesus miracles, detailed in the book of Crest.

Then there's the 6-pack abs. How did he get those? Must be the fishing. Hard work hauling in those nets. I haven't had abs like those since I was 33.

Probably not the response the mysterious visitors wanted. I wish they were here so I could discuss "Brad Pitt Jesus" with them. He's much sexier than he was before his make-over.

Maybe next time. I always think of the best thing to say hours, even days, later anyway.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on March 4, 2013 at 10:12pm

on the next leaflet he will have a shave too.

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Permalink Reply by Sentient Biped on March 5, 2013 at 9:05am

And maybe a business suit!

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Permalink Reply by Emma Lennon on March 5, 2013 at 12:43am

I noticed this was from Jehovah's Witnesses church. So, apparently, besides believing Jesus died on pole instead of a cross, they also believe he looked like Ewan McGregor's version of Obi-Wan Kenobi from the Star Wars Preqels (Come on, I can't be the only one who sees that resemblance.)

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Permalink Reply by Future on March 5, 2013 at 8:35am

I was just wondering why his arms were straight up. It looks like he's in a springboard diving competition.

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Permalink Reply by Sentient Biped on March 5, 2013 at 9:04am

I think you've nailed it!

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Permalink Reply by Future on March 5, 2013 at 9:59am

He is rather athletic isn't he? Here he is as a gymnast, preparing for a backflip.

For those who don't recognize this statue, it used to exist just north of Cincinatti, OH - before it was ironically burned down by a lightening strike. It was affectionately known as Big Butter Jesus, Touchdown Jesus, Drowning Jesus, Quicksand Jesus, and a few other nicknames.

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Permalink Reply by Sentient Biped on March 5, 2013 at 9:07am

You got it perfectly! Star Wars Jesus!

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Permalink Reply by sk8eycat on March 5, 2013 at 12:15pm

The oldest existing version of the Gaspels is in Greek, and the word used in that version is the ancient Greek word for "stake." "Stauros." (I can't get Babelfish to write it for me) So maybe he was killed with his arms over his head. Or maybe he was impaled. OWTCH!

Except....how can you kill somebody who never existed?

PS: My sister is a JeeHoover's Witless; sometimes I have to go in my room and put a pillow over my face so she won't hear me laughing.

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Permalink Reply by Grinning Cat on March 5, 2013 at 1:03pm

Analogously, how you can kill Professor Dumbledore, who never existed as a person in the real world? It can happen in fiction.

Reminds me of a cartoon:

BTW, the Library of Congress call number system puts Bibles (as well as commentary etc.) under "BS". (I am not making this up.)

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Permalink Reply by sk8eycat on March 18, 2013 at 2:04am

LMAO.....I wonder what the "S" really stands for. (I assume the Library of Congress doesn't use the Dewey Decimal System....? When I was in high school I had an extra elective for one semester, so I chose Library Assistant, and loved it! Except for repairing damaged textbooks.)