I'm impressed!  The last time I saw photos of Jesus, he had long flowing locks.  Damn hippie!  Tonight I came home to this circular:

Almost trendy!  At least it's not a mullet!  

Jesus has really cleaned up his act.  A goatee would be better, but hey, this is 2013 and full facial hair is in again.  Plus, it's nicely trimmed, if full.

I remember reading somewhere, Jesus didn't really have the Tiny Tim hair style anyway.  Something about, being a carpenter, the long hair was in danger of getting caught in his band saw or power drill and then he would need to miracle himself.

Not sure of his ethnicity - Alsatian maybe?  

Well, at least everyone is smiling.  They all have nice white teeth, too!  Another of Jesus miracles, detailed in the book of Crest.

Then there's the 6-pack abs.  How did he get those?  Must be the fishing.  Hard work hauling in those nets.  I haven't had abs like those since I was 33.

Probably not the response the mysterious visitors wanted.  I wish they were here so I could discuss "Brad Pitt Jesus" with them.  He's much sexier than he was before his make-over.

Maybe next time.  I always think of the best thing to say hours, even days, later anyway.

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on the next leaflet he will have a shave too.

And maybe a business suit!

I noticed this was from Jehovah's Witnesses church. So, apparently, besides believing Jesus died on pole instead of a cross, they also believe he looked like Ewan McGregor's version of Obi-Wan Kenobi from the Star Wars Preqels (Come on, I can't be the only one who sees that resemblance.)

I was just wondering why his arms were straight up.  It looks like he's in a springboard diving competition.

I think you've nailed it!

He is rather athletic isn't he?  Here he is as a gymnast, preparing for a backflip.

 

For those who don't recognize this statue, it used to exist just north of Cincinatti, OH - before it was ironically burned down by a lightening strike.  It was affectionately known as Big Butter Jesus, Touchdown Jesus, Drowning Jesus, Quicksand Jesus, and a few other nicknames.

You got it perfectly!  Star Wars Jesus!

The oldest existing version of the Gaspels is in Greek, and the word used in that version is the ancient Greek word for "stake."  "Stauros."  (I can't get Babelfish to write it for me) So maybe he was killed with his arms over his head.  Or maybe he was impaled.  OWTCH!

Except....how can you kill somebody who never existed?

PS: My sister is a JeeHoover's Witless; sometimes I have to go in my room and put a pillow over my face so she won't hear me laughing.

Analogously, how you can kill Professor Dumbledore, who never existed as a person in the real world? It can happen in fiction.

Reminds me of a cartoon:

Man finds a Holy Bible shelved under Fiction: 'An outrage!... who shelved this here?!' He reshelves it: 'Ahh... that's better' -- the new section is Historical Fiction.BTW, the Library of Congress call number system puts Bibles (as well as commentary etc.) under "BS". (I am not making this up.)

 

LMAO.....I wonder what the "S" really stands for.  (I assume the Library of Congress doesn't use the Dewey Decimal System....?  When I was in high school I had an extra elective for one semester, so I chose Library Assistant, and loved it!  Except for repairing damaged textbooks.)

While looking at the Library of Congress list, I see that Judaism is listed under 'BM.'  That seems apropos as well. 

The cartoon disappeared; here's another copy:

Man finds a Holy Bible shelved under Fiction: 'An outrage!... who shelved this here?!' He reshelves it: 'Ahh... that's better' -- the new section is Historical Fiction.(image source)

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