Something I have been pondering for quite some timeis the idea that statistically speaking the odds of me being with another person of color who falls in line with my atheism is indeed very slim. Let me state I am in no way a racist of any kind, but it is quite apparent based on statistics that the chances of me finding true love and happiness with a woman of color who is as well an atheist is quite small. The only reason this issue comes up for me is because of my intellectual tendencies. I tend to be curious, learned, and fascinated. When I go to my atheist meetings things of this nature I tend to be one of the few if not the only person their with a permanent tan on my person. It's not that I am uncomfortable so much as to a degree atleast culturally I feel like a vagabond. It does at times sadden my heart that so many of the people that happen to look like me, share nothing in common with me when it comes to some of the more important issues I have. Especially within the sub-culture that is African-Americana. At times I feel a great deal alone and isolated because of this issue. I know for one that within the African-American community regarding atheism there are not only intellectual wars to be fought but cultural as well. Religion is so well versed and tied into the culture that many African-Americans simply do not posses the knowledge or will to break free from the oppressive system many of them I feel have not only been conditioned to accept as remnants after slavery, but some happily accept it knowing this to be true. I could never deny my atheism just to be with any person just for the sake of not being alone, I could never betray my own principles on this subject. But on the same hand I feel like such an outcast amongst what are supposed to be "my own people" that it makes it very hard to associate with the overall African American contemporary culture. Sure I know of our history here in America from slavery to civil rights to now, but outside of those anchors of history ideally I feel no connection in my heart to them. It is as if I have surpassed them and in the new area I find myself intellectually expressing myself most of the people around me look nothing like me at all. I say this not out of fear or hate, but concern. It's like having to choose between who I am internally while still trying to bond to something externally. I wish to find love and to be loved these are two of my goals, and I could care less of her race. Truly. But the thought still remains why does it feel like while embracing one part of myself I am giving up another?

Tags: Atheism, Dating, Family, Interracial, Love

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And so many white and black men have the hots for oriental women. I know non-Chinese men who are interested in Chinese culture. I know people of South Asian descent who are culturally ordinary white suburbanites, as I know people of other groups fascinated by Indian culture. That's America; it's all mix-and-match. Hopefully, everybody will get the opportunity to gravitate to where their heart lies.
Or let their heart gravitate to the person, and forget the cultural and ethnic distinctions or lack thereof.

I'm quite happy to be settled and going grey with someone who happens to be Chinese. It meant learning some new tastes and habits, but somewhere along the line I decided not to stick to closely with my concept of whatever I thought I was, and go more with the flow. Previously, I spent 3 years in a Black/White relationship. I was equally happy in that situation, but it ended with tragedy. In both cases, I never intended to find someone who was a particular race. Instead, I found that I really liked this person. We suited each other, with some contrasts and some surprising similarities. For example, I never knew that someone who is Chinese, would be more similar in attitudes to my Midwestern Euro-mix family members, than I am.

In a sense it's like food. Sometimes I love Thai, sometimes I love Mexican, sometimes I want to sweat and eat Ethiopian. Sometimes I need some mashed potatoes and beans.

It's true that everyone is interested in particular traits, and ethnicity may be one of them. But in the end, you're just 2 human beings. If you find that you enjoy each other, get along, are attracted, and most importantly can be freinds to each other, then you've got it made.

A bit idealistic, maybe, but you only live once.
Realistic, not idealistic. Kudos.
Don't focus so much on finding another atheist. All you need is someone you get along with. You *can* get along with believers, right? Many people are lukewarm believers who can be subtly influenced over time. You can say, "I'm not very religious" or pass the religion subject off until later in the relationship, then work on your partner slowly.

I married a Christian girl, and now she's atheist. She ended up going back to school, getting a PhD in chemical & bio-molecular engineering and now is a professor at a top-10 university. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, to meet someone and help them lose their faith, but it can be done.
My family cannot stand the fact that I am an atheist. It makes them very uncomfortable and lately I feel like I have a serious choice to make. What I believe or being close to them. On the one hand I know some very nice Christian people who have in my time of need helped me out when needed and who are just generally good people. I don't believe their religion makes them good, I think they are good all on their own. It's like saying without their religion would they stop being good all of a sudden? I seriously doubt that. But they've all tried to convice in my time of need that no atheists came to help me but rather Christians, and my response has been pretty much if I had more atheist friends and had more in my area I doubt I would've gotten a different response, I think other atheists would have helped as well. And not because they believe that by helping me they'd get some eternal reward from heaven, just simply because they wanted to and nothing more. I got about a year to really figure this all out, no matter what happens in my life I know I can't change my core beliefs just to satisfy family and what they wish me to be. I do see the day coming when we just simply do not speak anymore because I can't bring myself to believe in a god that cares about me because of the things that have happened in my life. Aside from the huge philosophical problems of what having a god means in everyday life. I know I can't live my life for them, I've made my mistakes sure but to say god has gotten me out of those situations I find it hard to believe that he couldn't just as easily given me the guidance to not get in those situations in the first place. Which would make more sense. If I gotta choose between what I truly believe, and just what I should believe to make them happy at the age of 26 soon to be....I can't do it anymore. And if there should be a god at the end of my life when it's all said and done least I'll be able to say I was true to what I honestly felt was right.
Seems to me it's time to relocate. What is your family's position on interracial dating?
For John D

Far as I know its still kosher to use the word "black". I prefer use of the word black personally...simply because everyone comes from Africa in the genetic sense. But we dont say African-Caucasiod Americans now do we? Black is to the point and simple and you get the point of cross. As well most people that directly come from Africa don't use the term either, they use their country of origin as their marker as well. They don't say African-American they'll say Rwandan or Liberian...it's always a nationalistic description.
This terminology undergoes periodic historical shifts. Before the mid-60s, the respectable term was "Negro", and "black", while often used as an adjective and shorthand expression, was also used as a derogatory term. This usage underwent a transformation in the '60s, in which the less respectable and more rebellious elements of society pushed "Black" as the primary designation and relegated "Negro" to Uncle Tom status, eventually forcing a nationwide change in usage, i.e. among middle-class Negroes, the mass media, and governmental terminology. There are or were, still some older holdouts, such as Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall, who refused to say "black" but insisted on "Negro" or "Afro-American".

"African-American" was shoved down the throats of official society in the opposite direction. The black elite started pushing "African-American", and the mass media and government followed suit. So now this is the yuppie-buppie term of choice. But all of the black people I know still say "Black".
man, I had it out with a black woman, she was cool, until the god conversation started

the chances of finding a strong-atheist woman in Florida for some reason is quite difficult
the churches are unrelenting in their quest for control of hot ladies

and they wonder why we call them pimp'ocrits; lame ass pastors dealing mind control dope
Sounds like an aunt of mine
Its not all roses for white guys either.. im a white atheist male from a non-observing non-practising barely christian family in the UK, and at university I fell for a muslim girl who came from Iran! Oh the irony..

Unbelievably the relationship still hasn't properly ended but while our feelings bind us beyond our differences our clash of mindsets often drive us apart. Its like we have a schizophrenic relationship with strong love and strong opposing beliefs taking turns to hold sway. Shes certainly progressed from the unquestioned faith she used to have, but can't quite seem to shed the label 'muslim' with all the negative anti-women anti-infidel baggage that term comes with. To her its a cultural identifier, yet to me its like shes insulting herself. I cannot pretend to 'convert to Islam' to marry her as she suggests since it would be a betrayal of my morals to endorse a brutalising woman-hating religion, but I can't bear to abandon her to remaining muslim if I leave when I feel like I'm the only one who might ever care enough to want to help her see through Muhammad's nonsense and reject his claim to having a secret hotline to a silent invisible hitman called Allah.

If we do go our separate ways I don't care what race my next girlfriend is, so long as we share similar levels of understanding with regard to atheism and opposition to misogynistic religions.
White women are also far less likely to reject religion than white men are, so although white atheists may be more numerous as a percentage of their race women of all races still tend not to want to rock the boat as much as men and seem more likely to want to keep the peace by not being 'rude' about other peoples faith-based beliefs, even when those beliefs put people in psychological chains. This being the case I think a future girlfriend being an atheist would be a far more important box for me to tick than being the same race as me.

If you fancy a black girl who cant quite let go of religion, maybe point her to videos of Ayaan Hirst Ali.. her example of questioning and then rejecting Islam may inspire her to think along the same atheistic lines as yourself and have her mirroring that courage to go against the faithhead flow, as it were.

My Iranian gf is gorgeous, like a desert princess.. but Im like the only guy without a tan when Im with her friends lol. I think of us like Caesar and Cleopatra, but thats just my way of getting through the day.
Go to England young man.

That's where I found the absolute best sex/relationship I will ever experience; and there is nothing more enticing than a, as you say, "woman of color", with a massive intellect, distinct Nubian features and a British accent ...

Damn, I need a plane ticket. Definitely ... best ... ever.

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