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Interracial Dating and Atheism
Something I have been pondering for quite some timeis the idea that statistically speaking the odds of me being with another person of color who falls in line with my atheism is indeed very slim. Let me state I am in no way a racist of any kind, but it is quite apparent based on statistics that the chances of me finding true love and happiness with a woman of color who is as well an atheist is quite small. The only reason this issue comes up for me is because of my intellectual tendencies. I tend to be curious, learned, and fascinated. When I go to my atheist meetings things of this nature I tend to be one of the few if not the only person their with a permanent tan on my person. It's not that I am uncomfortable so much as to a degree atleast culturally I feel like a vagabond. It does at times sadden my heart that so many of the people that happen to look like me, share nothing in common with me when it comes to some of the more important issues I have. Especially within the sub-culture that is African-Americana. At times I feel a great deal alone and isolated because of this issue. I know for one that within the African-American community regarding atheism there are not only intellectual wars to be fought but cultural as well. Religion is so well versed and tied into the culture that many African-Americans simply do not posses the knowledge or will to break free from the oppressive system many of them I feel have not only been conditioned to accept as remnants after slavery, but some happily accept it knowing this to be true. I could never deny my atheism just to be with any person just for the sake of not being alone, I could never betray my own principles on this subject. But on the same hand I feel like such an outcast amongst what are supposed to be "my own people" that it makes it very hard to associate with the overall African American contemporary culture. Sure I know of our history here in America from slavery to civil rights to now, but outside of those anchors of history ideally I feel no connection in my heart to them. It is as if I have surpassed them and in the new area I find myself intellectually expressing myself most of the people around me look nothing like me at all. I say this not out of fear or hate, but concern. It's like having to choose between who I am internally while still trying to bond to something externally. I wish to find love and to be loved these are two of my goals, and I could care less of her race. Truly. But the thought still remains why does it feel like while embracing one part of myself I am giving up another?
Tags: Atheism, Dating, Family, Interracial, Love
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dre Smith on -
I just don't like all the damn staring that comes along with that...I like having the freedom to choose. So many times within the AA community its like somehow they feel that you've collectively abandonned the race. And I just want to go WTF?? Never mind you've found someone who you have more in common with in the first place. Too many black women I find, especially here in the south...are too close to that Jesus fella. I just at 26 do not have the enery to de-porgram.
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Permalink Reply by Freedom of Anonymity on -
This isn't so much a race issue, but being the father of multiracial children, I have "some" experience understanding how you feel.
The constant labelling and boxing in of your person can be unendingly irritating. I was stationed in Biloxi for a time; the South is still it's own culture and divisions by race aren't much different from late 1900's.
If you're young and unattached, have no children, sometimes, (just a possibility), moving can be your best asset. If you're the comabtive type, then fuck 'em if they can't handle it, be your own person and wage war for individuality.
There are no easy/simple answers, and in the end, you have to live with those decisions. Probably haven't said anything that will help, but maybe it will spark an idea for you.
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Permalink Reply by Dre Smith on
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Slowly and sadly finding that out, but I suppose anything worthwhile requires a fair amount of work.
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Permalink Reply by Tom Thompson on -
"I wish to find love and to be loved these are two of my goals, and I could care less of her race. Truly. But the thought still remains why does it feel like while embracing one part of myself I am giving up another?"
We all have to make choices and sacrifices, our entire life. If you are committed to finding someone that you match well with, at a level greater than skin deep, then you will probably have to search beyond your immediate community and culture. Many of us do this so it isn't exactly something to feel bad about. Moving far away from my family and finding a partner who shares my ideals was the best thing I could have done for my personal development. I am now able to be around my family during visits and tolerate their ideas without extreme conflict ensuing.
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Permalink Reply by damian on -
I can relate, because "everyone" i grew up around and their parents are religious. I'm not black, but i feel like a lone wolf most of the time. I recently saw some steve harvey clips about his views on atheists, and it was disturbing. I can only have a minimal connection with a few people, if i avoid religion. Their is no discussion about it around here. If someone finds out, they say OMG and look at you with disgust. I don't know what it's like to be black, but i may know what it's like to be a minority, i guess. You seem very social, and i think your chances are good. As time goes on, there are more mutts walking around to blur the line of race, which is fine by me. I should add, even though i'm close to my family, i'd would be a huge problem if i brought home a black girl. That's just how it is in my situation. Hang in there.
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Permalink Reply by SecularCortex13.x on -
Now that's a heckuvah discussion.
Seems the more generations fade, the more common and acceptable living your life becomes. The religion becomes such a cop out. Granted so do so many mainstream entertainment, occupations etc..
I'd stick with if your down with whatever is new in the world of love, sports and ideas; kiss kiss hug hug
payce!!
ps, check my next post in regards to the holy H2O thrown at the teacher in Pompano Beach FL...
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Permalink Reply by trish Norman on -
My family is inter- racial, Gay and Straight. For me the issues with a relationship is around children. Unfortunately the need to bring children up with familar values can cause the most explosive arguments and sometimes breakup and divorce. Often families join in as well. I have come across many women of colour who are Atheists on various web sites. It would pay for you to look around various sites. The best advice I could give you is find someone who has the same world view as you do. Just finding someone compatible is difficult never mind the colour aspect. If you find someone no matter the race you will be very lucky. I wish you luck in finding the right woman for you.
Maybe you should be proactive and start an Atheist web site just for Atheists of colour and bring the woman to you.
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Permalink Reply by Adia Lynette on -
I've accepted that if I marry again, I'll probably marry a White guy. My current love-interest is White and perfectly accepting of my atheism. I never found that with men of color. It's a shame, but I've always put my personal interests and beliefs over my racial group. I find that Black men who are more similar to me as far as interests, education, and socioeconomic status go prefer White women. It's weird. But thems the digs.
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Permalink Reply by Dre Smith on
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It's not that I care about X particular color persay, but I do notice trends. And that sad fact is most AAW women tend to be Christians, and I mean outright Jesus freaks most of the time. I have no taste for any of that with a woman I would presume to start a family with, sorry but I know that's going to bring about a huge argument and I'm not compromising on that view. It took me too damned long to accept where I am at, and to have a woman come in and run rampant over what I view as the best view....I cannot take, not because of me but to fill a kids head with that until they are at an age where they can dissect and understand I think is wrong just from an ethical standpoint alone.
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Permalink Reply by Dustin Scott on -
Yeah, that's one of my big fears about starting a family. I'm almost afraid to put a kid through public school, knowing most teacher's push religion even there.
Good luck finding someone though man, i'm sure one is out there for you, though her chances of being AA are pretty low, if race doesn't matter to you i'm certain you'll find someone.
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Permalink Reply by D. Swift on -
As a child of a black mother and white father I can pretty much understand what you're going through. Being a multiracial child I really don't care about race much. I don't care if the person is black, white, asian, hispanic, native american, ect. If i find them attractive and I enjoy being around them I don't see the relevance. This of course is solely personal preference. Now I also happen to live in a place where I get a lot of exposure to almost every culture and racial group so, I believe, that also plays a part into my personal perspective. I do however understand your predicament. There are very, very few black, scratch that, minority atheists. There are reasons for this but I think that needs its own thread. I will say that it is taboo to go against god in black culture and that there is not a way for anyone to truly get introduced into the idea of there not being a god unless they are similar to me and really go far out of their way to find it. This takes far more effort than most are willing to exert and far more intrigue into the topic than most have. Essentially there is no reason for them to become Atheists. As for finding someone who is black and atheist, good luck. There aren't many and you have to realize that those who are black and atheistic, are most likely in the same boat as you and don't believe there are any other black atheists so they are looking specifically for white people. I would suggest finding other black atheists and setting up a group for black atheists around where you live this will attract others of similar thought and skin tone. And trust me there is nothing more 'outcast'-ish than a mixed race child with outlandish 'intellectual tendencies' as you say. You, my friend are not alone.
Still I think that more important is for you to be happy. That should allow you to keep your identity as an atheist if thats what makes you happy. In this case i think you just need to let race take a back seat.
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