If you have/had Christian parents, help.

My mother is a very religious Christian. I mean, VERY religious. If she knew I've been Atheist for about 4 years now she'd have a coronary. I do want to tell her eventually, but I'm afraid of losing her.
All the way up until about 5th grade, my dad lived with us and he was abusive. It still gives me nightmares and I've been battling unipolar (its real, bipolar without the manic phases) for 4 years because of him. My mom has been all I've had, and she's the only person I've ever been able to rely on for anything. If I lost her, I'd have nothing anymore. I do want to tell her eventually (as mentioned earlier) but I'm scared of the loss. Also, I'm scared of how she'll treat me after I tell her. She'd rather me be a Christian lesbian than a straight Atheist. How do I go about this and just tell her? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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Permalink Reply by Steph S. on September 11, 2012 at 4:58pm

Sounds like my mom. My mom is very religious too.

Do you have to tell her? Is it really necessary right now?

You can wait until you are out on you own if you wish and then tell her - it's your call.

My mom does not know, and .. I am fine leaving it that way.

Permalink Reply by Stormi C. on September 11, 2012 at 5:04pm
Not telling my mother sounds better since it saves me from a likely lecture about why "the Lord" is real, and if I ever do tell her it probably is going to wait until I'm out on my own. I hate lying to her since my stepdad already does plenty of that but I guess you're right. What she doesn't know can't hurt her
Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2012 at 6:11pm

Uhhhhhhhhh, yeah.  Hmmm.

Definitely wait until you're legally able to walk out the door any time she starts preaching at you.  It sounds kind of like you're training a dog ... and well, I guess it's the same sort of behavioral reinforcement.

Mom starts preaching, Stormi walks out the door.  Mom doesn't want Stormi to walk out the door and not answer phone calls for a couple of days, so Mom will stop the sort of behavior that leads to Stormi doing so.

I did something of the sort with my mother, in my early 20's.

I didn't have the exact same situation as you, since i came out of the closet when I was 14 or so.  My father was there at the time, to act as a moderating influence.  I suspect he may have been an atheist, since he went to seminary to become a Catholic priest, then dropped out after a couple years.  I suspect he may have learned too much about the formation of the Bible and studied the book itself too closely.

I don't recall him ever talking about God, so I like to think he was just going through the motions to please my mother and his Irish and Italian (that's some intense Catholicism for you) parents.

After he died, my mother was more emotionally and socially dependent upon me, so i was better able to train her.  I don't suppose you'll have anything like that situation, with your father gone, huh?

I feel you on the monopolar thing.  I've never heard the term, but my mother is a bipolar type who only hits the low side.  Sucks.

The occasional two week manic phase almost makes the low side worth it.  I hit both sides of the cycle, but I don't him them as hard as some people.  I mostly just feel it in my energy levels, although people seeing it from the outside may see other details.  It's hard for me to say.

Which parent did you get it from?  I'm in a particularly amusing spot, since I got the bipolar disorder from my mother's side, and i seem to have acquired OCD from my father.  It's a ... fun combo.

Permalink Reply by Stormi C. on September 11, 2012 at 6:19pm
I think I got it from my dad. He isn't abusive now but when he was abusive, he was an alcoholic annnd, had rapid mood swings. Which, could have just been the effects of the alcohol but even now he barely drinks but still has mood swings. My mom doesn't have any personality disorders. So my guess is I got it from my dad.
My personality is mostly like my dad's anyways. The only thing it seems I got from my mom was appearance.
Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2012 at 6:27pm

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.  Yeah, my grandfather went into super-asshole mode, when he went manic.  I just didn't notice it, at the time, because I was 5 or 10.  I didn't really soak up any of the emotional abuse.  At least he followed a very slow swing, so he was more predictable.  Still hell on my mother and grandmother, though, from what I've heard.

Alcohol can effect things in all sorts of funny ways, yeah.  Alcohol and psychotropic drugs combine in violent, expansive ways.  It could also effect bipolar disorder, I guess, which is sort of like your brain self-dosing drugs, in some ways.

So, when are you coming out to your mother as a lesbian, then?  ^.^

Permalink Reply by Stormi C. on September 11, 2012 at 6:35pm
Oh, that won't be necessary. I'm straight c:

And my dad had been drinking heavily since he was 18, and I was born when he was 25, and my mom was a drinker when she got pregnant with me, so I guess that's another factor to my emotion disorder.
Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2012 at 7:00pm

Hmm, maybe you could come out as a lesbian Christian, as sort of a halfway point, then.  That might help lessen the blow.  Well, Mom, the good news is that I'm straight, but the bad news is ...

 

Hmm, do you mean some sort of mild fetal-alcohol syndrome which might have scrambled your emotional center a little?  I initially thought you meant growing up with two alcoholics raising you, but then that first interpretation popped into my head.  Sadly, the thought was triggered by this video:

 

Yeah, lots of factors can ... err, factor into (anyone got a thesaurus?) what makes our brains work in a particular way.  I've got so much going on upstairs, I long ago just came to the conclusion that ... look, it's just the way I am, and if I try to label everything messed up about me, I'll be here all day. ^.^

Permalink Reply by Stormi C. on September 11, 2012 at 7:07pm
Well their alcohol abuse and the environment I was raised in are both factors for my problems ._. But that's very true, if I tried labeling everything messed up I'd go on all day.
Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2012 at 7:21pm

... although it can be fun, sometimes, if you turn it into a contest with someone else.  :-P

Permalink Reply by Stormi C. on September 11, 2012 at 7:30pm
With all these wannabe depressed suburbia scene kids, the contest could go on forever. All their problems come from when daddy didn't let them go to a concert. -__-
Permalink Reply by Joseph P on September 11, 2012 at 7:51pm

Yeah, and here I've got the actual psychological disorder that they all wish they had, because all the cool kids go into depressive funks and hang out at coffee shops.  I get depressed, and I just sleep a lot.  I just waste it.  The emo kids must hate me for squandering my gift.

Permalink Reply by Ibrahim on September 11, 2012 at 5:03pm

Hey Stormi my parents are very religious muslims and my I recommend to tell her when you move out and your legally an adult.

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