I was a Doubting Thomas for just awhile today, almost a backslider.  Truth of the matter is I came within a hair's breath of taking up religion.  It happened whilst I was making a mad dash from one side of the plant to the men's room on the other.  For just a second there I almost cried out, "LORD, LORD!!  I'LL BE YOUR SERVANT FOREVER IF YOU'LL JUST LET ME MAKE IT TO THAT COMMODE BEFORE I SHIT MY PANTS!!"  However, I'm proud to say by shere force of will and character I did NOT succumb to that terrible temptation and I'm still an atheist!  I hope this testimony will inspire others to keep their unfaith. 

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For those of us who've never attended a latin mass that means?
A Shit-Eating Goddess

The various Goddess encyclopedias and listings that are my usual references do not contain any information on Goddesses whose attributes include an association with elimination, feces, or dung. An internet search turned up references to Tlazeoltecotl, an Aztec Goddess variously described as a Mother Goddess, a Sex Goddess, and the Eater of Feces and Filth. I see Her role as filth eater to be perfectly congruent with Her Mother and Sex/Fertility aspects — anyone who has composted or fertilized with dung knows how nutritious it is for the Earth. I was not surprised to find that nearly every reference I found to her as Filth Eater interpreted this as a reference to Her removing sin — the equation of sin and shit is in keeping with our culture's body/spirit split.

Tlazeoltecotl is the Earth — the microbes and fungi, insects and worms in Her soil that transform animal waste of all kinds into plant food. She completes the cycle of ingestion, digestion, and elimination. She is embodied in each of us, in our liver, kidneys, intestines, and lungs — the organs of ingestion, digestion, absorption, purification, and elimination. She keeps us clean, just as she keeps the Earth clean.

http://www.matrifocus.com/LAM05/rc-elimination.htm
Don't let the theists know about your weakness, or they'll be putting Exlax in the company coffee.
EGADS!! I'm buy'n my coffee out of the vending machine from now on out!
Yeah, and I don't imagine the ride home would've been any fun either!
This makes me think of the time I became paranoid that I had gotten AIDS. I was not atheist yet and I bargained with God that if I came up negative (which I did) I would quit smoking. Later I realized that was a dumb deal b/c the results would be the same either way, but I still quit. About 6 years later I became an atheist and was going through a horrible time in my life and had a chance to smoke a cigarette and realized "haha, I don't have to follow that promise anymore 'cause I don't believe in God!" Luckily the price of smokes went up about 5 dollars in those 6 years, so I didn't keep up the habit.
If you had succumbed to temptation and asked god for help with your shit problem would it have been a "holy shit?"
Too bad. I believe a cat created everything which makes me a Cat-licker. I believe in the holie trinity; Cat the Father, Cat the Son and Cat the Holie Goat. I believe if one lives a good life that when they die they will go to that great cat house in the sky. Or if they are bad they will be sent to the dog house and have to bowwow down before that old devil dog Lucy Fur. I believe that Cat created the first man; Up N. Attum and took one of Up N. Attum's turts and molded it in to a woman; E. Vee and she gave that Up N. Attum shit all his life. I believe Cat brought a flood of pis upon the earth where No a Cat rounded up all the turkeys, monkeys, rats, skunks, snakes and jackass and placed them aboard his yacht and then Cat pissed for forty days and forty nights flooding the whole of earth for a full year, the pis covered the earth causing the biggest stench in history, that is until they put the second Bush in the White House. And when his yacht was beached on a mountain top he let all the animals go and that is the reason why we have so many turkeys, monkeys, rats, skunks, snakes and jackasses in government today. I believe Cat sent her only begotten kitten; Jesse Crisco to die for our sensations. I believe in the Ten Commandments; Thou shalt have no other dogs before me as I am the meanest dog on the block. Thou shall not make unto thee any graven imagination or any licking thing of me because I alone image I exist and will do all of the licking. Thou shalt not bowwow down to anyone but me because I am a sissified jealous dog. Thou shalt not take lard in your veins because it might screw you up. Remember the sad day and keep poking holes in to it. Six days thou shalt go in labor, but on the seventh get an abortion. Thou shalt honor thy mother and thy father if they bowwow down before me all of the days of thy life. Thou shalt not make steel when iron is cheaper to work with. Thou shalt not commit to be an adult. Thou shalt not ride a frisky bear in front of thy neighbors. Thou shalt not cover thy neighbors ass, let him cover his own ass. And this I say in the name of Jesse Crisco. Awomen
Well, it sure seems logical to me!
At least with Ceiling Cat, we have proof:-

Dat ceiling cat, he da man!!

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