I had to lie

I'm a nurse.  Last night, a very frightened 91 year old woman who had a fracture in her spine was crying and praying that she would heal and not die from this.   She asked me point blank if I believed in god.  I lied and said yes.  

Its still bothering me.  I felt violated in a way, having to lie but what else could I have done?   She was very sharp mentally, and obviously struggling with her faith, asking me why god was letting her suffer in pain.    I tried to change the subject and reassure her that she would get better from this and that was the truth, which it is.   She was actually feeling sicker than she is..   Still, did I do the right thing?    I still feel like such a traitor to myself and I know I'm going to be faced with this again, some time.   Though I hate discussing my personal beliefs with patients, they often ask me what I believe.

Views: 6

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Johannes S. on June 10, 2010 at 2:08pm
So what. If it makes a 91 year old woman feel better, you can lie about believing in God. It's no big deal, and you're not lying to yourself, you're only telling a comforting lie.
Permalink Reply by Rich Lane on July 4, 2010 at 8:16pm
It wasn't her comfort that the lie was for. It was for the woman in her charge.
Permalink Reply by Loren Miller on June 10, 2010 at 2:12pm
You could have answered, "No, I don't ... but that doesn't stop you from believing." Whether that would have worked or not, no one can say, but if you had been treating her long enough that she at least knew you slightly, your actions would have spoken louder than any supposed belief might have. If she was, as you say, "sharp mentally," it's possible you could have played your cards face-up and still accomplished what you wanted to.

Problem is, I wasn't there, nor was I in your shoes, and no non-present third party could have adjudged the situation the way you did. It remains your call, and I for one can't condemn you for taking the action you did.
Permalink Reply by Sonny Mobley on June 10, 2010 at 2:52pm
You did nothing wrong. Try not to let it bother you. It's not like it would have helped you or the old lady if you had told her the truth. Would I have lied? Don't know. I can say that I definitely would not have lied to someone younger and in her condition. But a 91-year-old woman? I may have.
Permalink Reply by Olga Spelts (Human Bean) on June 10, 2010 at 3:09pm
I dont see whats wrong with it. I dont think she was really asking. I think that by 'do you believe in God,' she really simply knew that it wouldnt be honest but was desperate to have some sort of way to gather her stregth to help her through her physical ordeal. That was the way in which she has been trained to do it. If she had asked point blank when not suffering you wouldntve had to lie, but while shes in pain its not really a question thats shes asking. She just wants to feel that something bigger than her can provide her with stregth and that projection helps her to embody that ideal to help her get through her issues.

" Though I hate discussing my personal beliefs with patients, they often ask me what I believe"

That sounds really inappropruate for them to be doing. I could understand it if theyre in pain but just out of the blue is a bit of a violation. You can always say as a professional you arent allowed to discuss faith with patients, especially considering that many people of many different faiths and non faiths come through to use the services.
Permalink Reply by Lisa on June 10, 2010 at 9:17pm
"That sounds really inappropruate for them to be doing"

As much as possible, I try to get the chaplain to jump in so I can avoid these kinds of situations. People do ask me a lot if I believe or if I'll pray with them, even say a rosary with them. There's been a few real bible thumpers who get the whole congregation to come to see them and have a group prayer and they want all their caregivers involved, even the doctors. Priests come in to bless the surgeons hands before an operation sometimes. Luckily, I've squirmed out of those situations, so far. Even the nurses who believe in god are creeped out by those people, lol. Most times we're so busy, its easy to avoid the subject and call the chaplain to the rescue. This time, there I was face to face having to tell a bold faced lie. It didn't feel right, but I really didn't have a choice. That would have been heartless.

But, yeah, in my line of work, you get asked that a lot. Kind of sucks sometimes.
Permalink Reply by Rusty Gunn. on June 10, 2010 at 6:38pm
Lisa, its called "compassion". My mother is in ill health at the age of 80. If she asks me if I've let Jesus back into my heart, knowing she'll be dead soon, I'd lie like politician and reassure her that I'm back in the flock.
Permalink Reply by Patricia on June 10, 2010 at 10:27pm
I'd just say what I believe or not is personal.
Permalink Reply by Фелч Гроган on June 11, 2010 at 2:11am
No more a lie than not ruining a child's crassmass by saying you believe in Satan Santa.
Permalink Reply by Eric on June 11, 2010 at 8:00am
No problem at all, you did the better thing.

During his final days before he passed away from cancer, my father-in-law, a devout Catholic, was only semicoherent, in a lot of pain, and the only thing that seemed to comfort him was reciting Hail Mary's and some other similar religious mantras, and having people around him with him join in. I have never been Catholic and find their reliance on magical incantations bizarre, but I went along with it all and accompanied him without hesitation- that time was about him and his needs, not about me.

Your situation was similar. You showed compassion to a frightened elderly lady.
Permalink Reply by Pat on June 11, 2010 at 2:11pm
Primum non nocere. "First do no harm." The greatest ethical mandate for medical practitioners. And that, it seems to me, is exactly what you followed. You did your patient no harm. As a nurse, I believe you've taken upon yourself a moral and ethical obligation to relieve suffering, and see to the welfare of those in your care. You comforted a frightened patient, and gave her hope. Probably not the best time to have a rational discussion about theism vs. atheism when a person is suffering from trauma and stress. You did the right thing at the right time. Quite frankly, since you put your patient ahead of yourself, you're the type of nurse I hope I can get if I ever need one. She was lucky you were the one attending to her.
Permalink Reply by Dave Rogers on June 11, 2010 at 3:09pm
When my Dad past away back in March, they had a big Catholic mass for him. Since my mass-every-morning, 78 year old Mom is very active in that church, I swallowed my pride and went up and swallowed a Eucharist for the first time in about 30 years. (Still tastes like crap.) Now my Mom (and family) knows I lost my faith long ago, but I couldn't sit it out in front of all her friends in that church, especially on the day she was burying her husband of 54 years. It does bother me I did it, but really, it's just a dried-up wafer.

RSS

© 2013   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service