i dont find purpose in life and i cant talk anyone about my sadness

i dont find purpose in life. i think im just useless person in this earth. i live for nothing. this is my life. 

it seems i need 24 hours attention to stop this kind of emotion. i cant talk my mother now about how i feel. i dont want her to know what im going through because she has problem in health now. she is getting older and i dont want to be a burden so i deal things on my own.

psychotherapy is expensive. i cant buy self-help books here about suicidal thought. i need to order it in another country. i know it is expensive too.

i dont want to share this feeling in my friends because they are not aware about my situation. i know that they will suggest that we should drink or pray.

i want help and live but i dont know how.

sometimes im tired to fight and want to die.

i dont know what to do.

i hope anyone can give me advice about how i feel.

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First off, I would stick with the drinking friends.  They sober up in the morning; praying people don't.

Understand, you are not alone.  Depression, finding no purpose in life, living for nothing and feeling useless. All these can be added up to a diagnosis if you want one.  

But there is nothing unnatural or abnormal about any of these states of being.

How long have you been an atheist?

How committed are you?

Do you want to go back to a Pascal's Wager sort of religion?  I would caution against doing this.  It only works for rich, white, men giving themselves over to the most popular form of religion in their country.  For women and slaves it's a shitty deal.

What you are experiencing...all the symptoms you list...can be a result of and often are caused by...to create a term off the top of my head for it...Freedom.

Freedom means having to find your own purpose in life.  Or not.

Either accept being useless...which I have to tell you is not a bad thing at all...or find for yourself what it takes you to feel wanted.

"I live for nothing.  This is my life."

Freedom means you have to find a reason to live for yourself.  No one else can do it for you because if they did you would no longer be free.

Freedom is a fearsome challenge.  You have to be strong to be free.

The most important thing is you don't have to do a damn thing if you don't want to.

As Kinky Friedman once put it:  "Find what you love and let it kill you."

Benign Hedonism is the phrase I use.  It's similar to Epicureanism but, as I've pointed out before, the only difference is how much money you have to spend.

Find something that feels good to do and that leaves you feeling good about yourself the next day.

Keep doing it until it stops feeling good and you're dreading the morning after.

That more than anything else led me to atheism.

Christianity...all religion, but I'm a Christian Atheist so that's the term I use...is all about you being a hero/martyr.  You are a hero because it is your job...solemnly given to you by Jesus himself...to save the whole world.  Martyr because it is your soul salvation that is the only motivator religion has to offer.

You are the center of a Cosmic Battle Between God and Satan over your soul and the souls of every living being on Planet Earth.  

People stay Christian not because of faith, but because of vanity and fear.  Vanity because you just love being the center of attention and fear because you literally don't know what you would do with your life if you didn't have this Mythological Warfare to fall back on.

My wife, who is also an atheist, keeps asking me:

"What purpose is there for me to live?  What can I do with my life?"

And I keep giving her the same answer:

"Who do you think I am?  The Entertainment Director on the Titanic?"

No one else can do this for you.

Please, follow the advice you've already been given.  Seek professional help, take medicine, make new friends who are also atheists...there isn't anything wrong with doing any of that.

But don't just turn an addiction to religion into an addiction to therapy...or to atheism, for that matter.  The 12 Steps of AA...or for any of the other 'addictions' that use this formula...all have you turning your life over to a Higher Power.  They claim this Higher Power can be any God or thing you want it to be.  That's bullshit.  The only God that fits the bill for a Higher Power is the God of Christian Fundamentalism.  12 Step-ism is about getting rid of one addiction...alcohol, whatever...and replacing it with a religious addiction.

Let's see, what other good advice can I give you?

Find a lover, if you are lacking one.

You've just turned your back on God as Love...never was anyway, but it makes for a nice scam...and you've given up on the idea of you personally have to love your enemies and the everyone else in the world...again, that's bullshit.

Here's the most important things about love:

You can't love someone you don't know...friend or foe doesn't matter.

The only one you can love is someone who has skin on, someone in the same room with you.

Anyone who tells you different is lying to you.  They are using 'love' as a clinical, theological or philosophical word....and they are lying to you in order to try to get your money for their books or their DVDs or their week long retreat/seminars.

If you can't touch them, then you don't love them.

Love is the supreme essence of human inter-reaction.

Love is what you live for when everything else in your life is clammoring and shoving you to suicide.

Love is not a wave; love is a particle.

I sound like the old Hippie that I am.  Part of me is sticking a finger down my throat trying to make myself gag because I am saying such things...about love...

Love is something you give to others.  Love is not something you wait for somebody else to give to you.

The closest you will ever get to immortality is spending a rainy Sunday in bed with your lover.

Fall in love...or, better yet, help someone else to fall in love with you.

Of all the pleasures life offers, love is the one that you can do all night without tiring and wake up the next morning ready for more.

God doesn't exist.  That is the only rational conclusion that can be reached on the evidence presented.  Anything else is superstition.

But just because someone two thousand or more years ago said:  "God is Love" does not mean the existence of love is dependent on the existence of God.

To steal and bastardize a term from the Netflix series Hemlock Grove.

"God doesn't want you to be happy.  He wants you to be strong."

Change that God to Life or the Universe or even to Love.

"Life doesn't want you to be happy.  Life wants you to be strong."

"The Universe doesn't want you to be happy.  The Universe wants you to be strong."

"Atheism doesn't want you to be happy.  Atheism wants you to be strong."

And, finally,

"Love doesn't want you to be happy.  Love wants you to be strong."

Be Strong.

Philip

 

LIFE is a given. LIVING is optional. Don`t be a passenger when YOU are already the CAPTAIN.

Why does life have to have a purpose?  It just is.  Consider the entire universe.  What purpose could it possibly have?  It just is. 

So make the best of it and have a good time.  You're lucky to be alive.

 

 

I would have to agree with Debra. Good reply.

Public libraries have books on suicidal thought, but were I you I'd call a suicide hotline to talk to a human being. 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) in the US will connect you to a help line. In Australia, call Lifeline Australia at telephone: 13 11 14. In the Phillipines, check the front of your phone book for a crisis line. If there isn't one (likely) try calling Dr. Dinah Nadera, a psychiatrist connected with the University of the Philippines Open University for a referral to someone with whom to talk.

Suicidal thought is dangerous and can be a result of neurochemical imbalance in the brain.

Ruth is right and very helpful. You should call those numbers and get someone to talk to.

Hello Violet we are here for you and hope that you are able to find some comfort here. I would call those phone numbers that Ruth gave to you. It would be helpful to talk with someone.

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