The World's Largest Coalition of Nontheists and Nontheist Communities!

How old were you when you decided childfree was your default?

I was about five when I decided I'd rather raise kittens than children. Before that, I can't remember thinking anything concrete about bearing children. I know I was given dolls to play with, but there came a certain point when I was disappointed with dolls, and definitely wanted books instead.

At about nine, when a relative by marriage commented on how I'd make someone a good wife someday(because I'd baked gingerbread from a box mix), I retorted that I never wanted to get married. Their reaction was as if I'd suddenly sprouted horns, a forked tail, and my breath took on the distinct aroma of brimstone.

How about you?

Tags: childfree

0 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Whalehugger on May 26, 2009 at 4:07pm

I don't understand this "biological clock". I've heard it talked about several times among women pretty much all my adult life, especially as I went into my 30's, but never felt it. I have never experienced any form of interest in having children, and there was no tick tocking in my body that pushed me into feeling that I must have children because of said clock. I will be 54 years old this summer, I've gone through menopause and I still feel the same regarding children as I did when I was in my early teens.

Did any other of the women (I've heard men experience the biological clock as well, but supposedly it's a driving force in women) on the board go through this feeling? Is it something we're missing?

Permalink Reply by deepthought42 on May 27, 2009 at 12:45am

I'm 26, going on 27, and mine must be on snooze. Permanent snooze, because I am not inclined towards having kids.

Permalink Reply by Pamela on June 27, 2009 at 2:17pm

Yeah, I don't seem to have a biological clock either. I've seen my friends go frantic with some primal "need to reproduce" and the hurried procuring of a suitable mate. I was a bit afraid my body might try to hijack my mind- but no ticking ever occured. At 38 I think I'm safe now. All I feel when I see kids is a huge sense of relief that I don't have any!

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on June 28, 2009 at 10:26am

I hope that hurried procuring of suitable mates doesn't backfire on any of your friends.

Permalink Reply by Susan Stanko on June 28, 2009 at 7:49pm

I am in the same boat as you Pamela.

Permalink Reply by Becoming Other on August 8, 2011 at 8:28pm

"biological clock" is just more pronatalist manipulation. In her book "Backlash, the war against American women". Susan Faludi talks about all such things. All the "new domesticity" of the 1980's was just something invented for commercial and political purposes. Feminism was rooted in Marxism. So they couldn't sell to it and they couldn't control it. So they had to alter it, tame it.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on June 28, 2009 at 11:34am

I knew for a fact that even if I one day wanted a child, I would not want to have one on my own

It does make life more difficult to raise kids on one's own.

I like how you've specified that things didn't improve much after her early teens until 17.5 specifically. That made me laugh. It reminds me of how little kids like to throw in how many years and months they are old, because being 6 years and 4 months is SO much more mature than being 6 years and 2 months.

I hope you all live fabulous unencumbered lives, and make the most of all that time just for yourself....

Ha! Not sure if you were being sarcastic or sincere here. I don't think not having children means that someone's life is unencumbered (Please excuse the double negative). I know people who do volunteer work who don't have children whose lives are very... I'm not sure they'd call it "encumbered", but they lead pretty busy lives.

Sydni, it was good to hear from someone who has children who can see other perspectives, and see value in other people's choices.

Permalink Reply by Prog Rock Girl on December 16, 2009 at 9:45pm

Having kids is unique in that someone can get pregnant, be filled with dread, have a kid, be stressed out, be dead set against having any more kids...and yet, love the hell out of their kid!

Permalink Reply by Joe Burke on June 15, 2009 at 9:42pm

How many times have you heard this one: You tell somebody (with kids) that you don't want kids and they look at you like you're stupid or something and say "you don't know what you're missing?" Actually I do know what I'm missing... NOTHING.

Permalink Reply by anagama on August 11, 2010 at 11:17pm

Ask them if they've ever wanted or had a mini-vacation from the kids. Most people love vacations, so chances are they will say "oh sure". Then tell them something like: "My life is a vacation 24/7 -- you have no idea what _you're_ missing."

If they deny ever wanting to get away, just console yourself that they are either liars, or extremely rare curve busters and let it go.

Permalink Reply by Clarence Dember on June 20, 2009 at 8:44am

I think, after realizing how ate up the breeders became to the exclusion of every other potentiality. Around 14 years old I think.

Permalink Reply by Little Name Atheist on June 28, 2009 at 10:36am

I did a lot of babysitting when I was a kid, and for the most part, the children were fairly well behaved. I also babysat my siblings a lot (single parent family), so I sometimes wonder if having so much of my time as a child eaten up by caring for other children is what spurred my disinterest in bearing children of my own.

he did from time to time ask why I was spending so much of my time reading astronomy and science journals/magazines instead of reading things a "normal" woman would read like Ladies Home Journal, etc.

Wow... Just... wow. I can see why he's your ex!

I would enjoy having a clean house, but I'm not interested in giving up all my other pursuits to have one, especially not if I had to clean in a dress while wearing high heels. However, I wouldn't mind having a string of real pearls.