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HELP! Atheist meets Baptist.

Hey, I need some insight on this from other nonbelievers. I recently started dating this guy here in California. Real great, amazingly sweet guy. Things went pretty fast for us. He believes in god, was raised California Baptist (way different from the Southern Baptists I'm used to). He sees God as really more of a cultural element and more of a force in the universe, more in the abstract. He doesn't agree with my views but he supports me and we have no problems whatsoever. What worries me is that his parents are VERY much Baptist. They seem to like me, they know I'm not Baptist, but that I was raised Catholic. They don't know I'm an atheist.
Now they're inviting me to family functions...before, during and after church. Should I just go and not partake in the church element or respectfully decline?

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Permalink Reply by damian on January 13, 2010 at 9:33pm

I wouldn't go to church with them. It might give them the idea that they are wearing you down. In their mind, they think that you haven't seen the light. Is he really that good looking? heh heh. It's very hard for me to relate, because i'd stay away from that kind of situation. I'd honestly be afraid of what would come out of my mouth if pushed by these nuts. Well, if i couldn't resist the girl, i wouldn't attend any religious activities. I'm probably not the one to give advice on this. I remember dating 2 girls who were religious, and i didn't click with the parents, AT ALL. I failed that test. Southern Baptists can turn on you. My mom remarried, and her husband has a son who married a baptist. This baptist lady is very rude to my mother and her husband, because she believes marriage should be for life.

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Permalink Reply by Jo Jerome on January 14, 2010 at 12:48pm

Yeah, other than a special event like a wedding or funeral, I would politely decline to go to church.

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Permalink Reply by Sonny Mobley on January 14, 2010 at 1:40pm

Whatever you do, do not give in to actually taking part in or acknowledging any religious elements. You'll feel bad about it later if you do. No problem with you being present. If anyone gives you problems, leave. Personally, I am done dating theist's.

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Permalink Reply by Justin on January 18, 2010 at 7:12pm

I say give it a chance and see where it goes. I was with a jewish girl who had pretty religious parents and I was often invited for holiday dinners and services. You can still take part in the events but not get actively engaged. No doubt his family is important to him; if they aren't ramming their beliefs down your throat there's no harm in sitting down through a church service to smooth the situation down if you really are into the dude. That's the important part of the situation.

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Permalink Reply by Sixfeetunderthegun on January 24, 2010 at 1:27pm

Hey Kaye. I didn't read most of the replies to your post (sorry, not enough time), but I can say that, for the past 3 years, I've been in a relationship with a Christian. We even had a kid together. As of yesterday, we're separated and are working out the custody kinks and details.

Without detail, I can just say that, if you're even slightly vocal about your atheism (if you're on this site, you probably are), it won't work out. Not to be a downer, but we tried for 3 years to reconcile it and she couldn't. I was fine with her being a Christian. She wasn't fine with me being an atheist and, ultimately, it led to our downfall.

Find someone who shares your views or stay single. That's my advice/new goal in life.

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Permalink Reply by brian on February 9, 2010 at 5:26pm

Don;t do it go find your self another Atheist. You will thank yourself 10 years from now that you did.

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Permalink Reply by Kyle S. on August 19, 2010 at 4:35pm

I would say that you are dating him not his parents, i started to date a girl kinda like him but we broke up after she couldnt stand my soul not being saved so its whatevery you think will work.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on August 21, 2010 at 9:08pm

Respectfully decline. My dad was a devout Catholic and he accepted my atheist husband. Sometimes people can surprise you.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel on August 21, 2010 at 9:27pm

My wife was religious but now she's an atheist and we never see her family.

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Permalink Reply by brian on August 22, 2010 at 1:35pm

How did you do it? My wife is a religious nutter and it is going to lead to a divorce. As I can't handle the continual brain washing of our children.

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Permalink Reply by Daniel on August 22, 2010 at 5:02pm

Its been a long time so I asked my wife what she suggested and basically she suggested that you go to a religious recovery forum/group specific to your denomination/situation and ask for help.

All religions are cults, some just want your money and others want more...but they have spent years indoctrinating your wife and it will probably take years to undo that brainwashing. If you confront her she will likely just shut down mentally because of the walls they have installed to prevent the de-programming process.

I think the main thing you need to remember with her is that she is the victim, she has been programmed with a meme that is designed to spread and replicate itself. If she ever does get free due to your assistance, she'll be appreciative.

As far as your kids go, try to convince her to let the kids decide for themselves. Most kids will pass on the offer naturally as it is very boring. If you don't participate or attend church then the children will come to envy your extra free time and grow resentful of being pushed around on their day off.

If you can keep them from being indoctrinated until their teens they are probably safe. The programming has to start young to have a strong chance of success. So far the best alternative that I have found to indoctrination be it religious, educational, or propaganda (like advertising) is mental conditioning. Talk to your children (and maybe your wife?) using Socratic questioning and let them come to natural logical conclusions on their own.

Give them your opinions if you like and why you think that way then just leave it at that.

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Permalink Reply by brian on August 23, 2010 at 8:54am

Yes the Kids like the wife are being brainwashed at an early age.

The kids all know my position on religion and what I think about it.

I had a conversation yesterday with my 7 year old about god and why I do not believe. I explained even if he did exists and came down and did some miricles I still would not worship him. I explained the reason to him simply they way god acts and treated people in the old testament. This is not someone I'd want to be friends with.

As for the wife ever since my coming out she has gotten deeper into the religion and dragging the kids to it. At this point the kids seem to like to go for the friends they have there.

It is one of these things that I do not see much hope for. I do hope that as the kids get older they will make their own decision.

She is convinced that I want my kids to become Atheists. I have explained to her repeatedly that I do not. My goal is to teach them to think Criticaly and for them selves and not be told what to believe.

After asking her is it necessary for the kids to go to church 3 times a week. and she explained yes. That it is her duty as a Christian to share her religion with the kids.

I hope the kids can see when they get older that I respected them at an early age and did not have the Same opinion of my Atheism as she does of cramming her religion into them.

Part of me just wants to tell her no more church. but I do not want to use the kids as a weapon or a tool, like she is.

I will take a look at your suggestions and thanks

Oh and Sorry Kaye not trying to take over your post.