long ago i was 18, in the US Coast Guard and our 36 footer was flipped, one of us drowned. while we were under i had a fleeting thot. "God save me and i'll believe in You unreservedly". at this time i was a cristian. i still believed. so i figured that as a believer my thot must have been heard by god and that must have been why i was saved and another young man had been taken. of course god hears all prayers, and my thot was addressed to God. i had often been told by my grandmother, who had raised me off and on that God is Love. i had a pretty good idea of what love was. i knew that loving someone meant that you endeavored to help them. but God must have loved my fellow coastie, who had died, because of my fleeting thot. so now i was guilty of killing a fellow coastie. of course God answers prayers, right? but wait, God already knows everything, and yet He kept me alive while He took my friend, so i dont have this burden of guilt, since God knew what i'd do. and he must have approved it or my friend wud still be alive.

ok, God is love, yet he killed my friend. this fact began ringing in my head, and the more i tried to understand it the more confused i got.  then i realized that God kills us all. and i was really confused. This is Love? in a few days, i'd figured that my grandma was simply wrong and that god must be the most evil thing imaginable and was unworthy of any worship. a few days later i visited the Coos Bay Oregon library and took out a bunch of books on atheism, and after i read a few of them i had shucked  the whole god thing.

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That's absolutely amazing that you could be that religious and still convert to atheism by just reading a few books.  Of course, the ground was prepared when you questioned.  Welcome to Atheist Nexus!
Welcome Carl!
well, i don't lnow wj\hatyou mean by "That religious", i really wasn't. but i remember thinking, "if i continue to worship, in any way this evil being,that i had discovered, then i share in his evilness.  i was in a position where i could not continue to believe and retain my sanity. and i knew that without sanity i was kaput. so the books i read gave me other reasons for not believing, true, but i'm afraid i'd already figured that this god guy was not to be worshiped.
Yes, the problem of evil made me an atheist, too.
I loved reading your study and how you came upon Atheism.  Welcome to the site -- hope you are enjoying it here.
wow!  and i was so sure i was the only one to realize that!!!  LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Hey!
Smart man!   Glad you found Atheist Nexus~!
me too

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