From Stuff God Hates:

Prepare thyself, he who reads this, to tremble and quake before the Incredible Word of God, as written by THE LORD HIMSELF!

DAMN THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH! They spend all their time making Me look like some kind of judgmental monster. What a bunch of a-holes!

They go around protesting and holding up signs telling people about all the things I supposedly hate. WHO ARE THEY TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT I HATE? I CAN DO THAT MYSELF!

Westboro Baptist claims I hate fags, which is true, but not in the way they mean it. Sure, anal sex makes Me furious, but I don’t hate gay-fags, I hate stupid douche-fags like the Jonas Brothers! I love gay people and have many gay friends. Why is this so hard to understand?

They also say I hate America. BULLSHIT! I don’t hate America, I just hate democracy! BUT I LOVE AMERICA! I love America so much it’s the only country I have citizenship in.

They even say that when planes crash, I, The Almighty God, laugh! What a horrible thing to say! Ok, well that one’s actually true. But have you ever seen a plane crash? Trust Me, It’s frigging hilarious!

Anyway, these Westboro Baptist assholes REALLY make Me look bad. I’ve had to pay over $3 million dollars to publicists in the last 10 years alone just to handle damage control on My Divine Image. And for what? People think I’M SOME KIND OF INSANE MONSTER because all these fanatic retards do is embarrass Me!

The leader of this blasphemous church, Fred Phelps, called Elizabeth Taylor a “world-famous filthy Jew whore.” Balderdash! She is NOT filthy!

Then they went to Heath Ledger’s funeral and protested because he was in that movie about the gay cowboys. I didn’t like that movie either, but damn! That’s fucking effed up!

And they go to the funerals of soldiers all the time and protest! Now I’ve done some messed-up shit in My Day; I’ve flooded the world; I’ve slaughtered innocent 1st born children; I’ve sanctioned slavery, rape and murder. But disrespecting dead soldiers is where I draw the line!

I HATE YOU WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH! YOU’RE ALL GOING TO HELL WHERE YOU SHALL BE ASS-POUNDED BY GAY DEMONS FOR ALL ETERNITY!

Tags: baptist, church, comedy, funny, god, hates, humor, satire, stuff, westboro

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...have you ever seen a plane crash? Trust Me, It’s frigging hilarious!

I like your style.

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