My name's Ben, I'm 24 years old and I've lived in Kansas City all my life. I won't go into the details of my story because I'm sure it's similar to thousands of others to be found on this site: raised fundamentalist Christian, started having doubts around high school, had lost all faith by the end of college.
When I was a kid I was completely horrified by the idea of Hell, and even though I'd been assured that my salvation would keep me from that awful place, I obsessed over it. Years later I would be diagnosed as manic depressive with tendencies toward desperately dark depressive episodes, and I now believe that it was during one or two of these episodes that the thought of Hell pervaded my mind.
Well, I'm going through another dark time. Whether this is chemical or born of guilt toward my family or just the vestigial limbs of an abandoned mythology, I don't know. The idea of Christianity still makes no sense to me. I still can't reconcile it with reality and thus couldn't really return to the flock even if I wanted to. But for the last few weeks, I just haven't been able to wash the hellfire from my mind.
The idea is so traumatically and deeply ingrained I fear I may never be able to fully shake it off. But as for the moment, I just want to regain my usual level of peace of mind.
I don't really have anyone to turn to in my personal relationships. My family is loving and supportive but very religious. Many of my close friends are Christian, and most others simply aren't comfortable talking about any of it. So I sought out a supportive community and found myself here.
Please, please, anything you can tell me or point me towards would be very helpful. I'm so tied up in knots about this I fear I may actually be a danger to myself right now.
lmao... NB, very subtle, very subtle!!!
Planting the fear of Hell in a child who will endure the pains of childhood on their way to adulthood should be considered abusive and controlling..
"end Human bankruptcy"an idea whose time has come
I have been there experienced this and the price paid is my aliveness.