Family that doesnt know your Atheist

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Permalink Reply by paul babcock on May 8, 2011 at 7:05pm

One of THE problems with faith is just that, the huge level of totaly unearned respect it demands. I would not figure on getting that changed as being the first thing you figure on tackling as it is so firmly entrenched.

I understand somewhat how you feel tho as my mom is a theist and a good person overall and I donot delight in causing her unnecessary grief. She has long known me to be an oddball who thinks for himself, but I have been up front w her about my deconversion all along, so at no point was anything any particular surprise or shock to her. We were Baptists and they do believe in "once saved, always saved", so I can imagine she nay well take consolation in that, Idk.

That being the case, I advise you, at least, to get started on letting her know how you feel. Plenty of people come here with a crisis of some sort, precisely because they have kept their atheism from their folks and it is presently coming to a head of some sort as there is some sort of time pressure on them. You, at least, have the option of doing this on your schedule.

Idk, next time she disses an atheist, maybe say something like, "Idk that atheism is so stupid. Natalie Postman sure has turned out better than Lindsy Logan." If Links Logan turns out not to be a theist, then you are going to look pretty stupid. But as your mom made a personal attack on an atheist for no reason whatsoever, it shouldn't to too hard to say something to ease your mom in the direction that atheism isn't avail an entirely unreasonable position.

I wish you success regardless.

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Permalink Reply by Grace Fitzpatrick on May 8, 2011 at 10:22pm

No problems there.  One day while bored, I googled Lindsay Lohan.  You're safe.  She's a Catholic.  Mel Gibson is also a Catholic.  I believe Charlie Sheen is also a Catholic (at least his father is).  Catholics have a lot to be proud of in these three.  Hopefully, they will remain religious as long as they remain screw ups.

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Permalink Reply by John Barrett on May 8, 2011 at 7:28pm

The problem with all of this is that she thinks that I have been baptized then I will be saved when end of times come. I tell her jokingly end of times is every monday when I wake up and have to go to work. There isn't really a starting point but I will try what you said on an opening and see what happens but its gonna be a nasty situation because family or not its what I know is right and they are not understandable.

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Permalink Reply by Jen E. on May 8, 2011 at 7:58pm

We have just as much of a right to express ourselves as atheists.

 

sometimes I think ppl see "freedom of religion" as  "freedom to bash other beliefs" or "freedom as long as you agree with me".

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Permalink Reply by paul babcock on May 9, 2011 at 4:54am

I am thinking that was a typo on your part yes Jen? I could well be wrong as your statement does make perfect grammatical sence but judging by what site you are posting on I have to assume you meant to say "We (atheists) have just as much right to express ourselves as (theists)."

No bigger that. My spell check has prompted worse.

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Permalink Reply by Jen E. on May 12, 2011 at 12:00am

I don't have the right words to say how sorry I am.

 

I did mean we atheists have just as much right to express ourselves.

 

and you are wrong, John.

 

I dont need you talking to me like this.

 

If you have a problem with me, take it up with AN and they can deal with me.

 

Contrary to what you think, I am too someone who belongs here!

 

(crying a little; really hurt my feelngn!)

 

 

Jen

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Permalink Reply by John Barrett on May 8, 2011 at 8:19pm

Alright JenCarlene, why don't you tell me exactly what you mean to say. Cause it seems to me that u are a person that doesn't belong on this site and is just a bigot. If I'm wrong then I'm sorryt but it seems to me when u say that WE Have just as much a right to express ourselves as atheists then u are a nosey person just wanting to start shit. I don't have no beef with anyone but if it comes down to that then I'm re a dy for a battle as always. Come on and just don't be a rtats ass that I deal with everyday and just leave what should be alone or rephrase what you ar e contemplating....

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Permalink Reply by BilLee Miller on May 8, 2011 at 10:26pm

John,

I think this is a problem of grammar. I visited Jencarlene's Atheist Nexus and she has expressed much frustration at being bashed theists. I think she meant that as an atheist she has as much right to express herself as a theist. Her grammar was weak and this lead you to parse it incorrectly. Based on her subsequent sentence, it is obvious that she is accustomed to imprecise grammar. When there is ambiguity in a context such as the written word, I would advise giving the benefit of the doubt. Since none of us are fideists here, that should be easy enough to do.

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Permalink Reply by BilLee Miller on May 9, 2011 at 12:55am

Well, if you are financially self-sufficient and do not really on your immediate family for support, then be open about your difference of theological views. Expect some pushback from them, but politely stand your ground. Eventually, they may come around. If your family and friends cannot at least tolerate this basic difference, how can you expect their support in the face of those that are not your friends and family? You may need to make new friends that are more tolerant and wait things out with your family. Remember, the goal is tolerance. You may never get acceptance, but if you're hiding then you are not being accepted anyway.

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Permalink Reply by Michael Black on May 9, 2011 at 12:55am

You will have to find your own way of dealing with your situation that matches who you are.  I know that in dealing with my mother, she will have to accept who I am, or at least act civil.  If not, I will never have anything to do with her again.  It is only because of my weak ability to feel attachment that I can do such a thing.  Most people wouldn't consider such an option.  You may decide that any form of confrontation is not worth the potential damage that you have in your relationship.  But also remember this, by not sharing who you really are, your mother will not truly know who she raised.  She may not want to.  I won't know.  You should have a good ideal, provided you really know her.

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Permalink Reply by paul babcock on May 9, 2011 at 5:14am

You mentioned that your mom think that your soul is safe having Ben baptized. That is what I was referring too when I mentioned the doctrine of once saved always saved that Baptists believe in. This works in our favor imo. Worrying our moms is one less thing we have to fret over. If they believe the doctrine that they profess to, then the future of our souls is something they needn't be too concerned with.

Anyway presently you have the advantage of being able to present this to her on your schedule in your own way. As I previously mentioned plenty people come here in a bit of a panic as they have failed to be u front with those close to them and so now they have gotten themselves into a jamb that they donot know how to deal with tactfully.

Realising this situation needs to be resolved now rather than waiting until a crisis arises shows good sence on your part and is a good first step. Plenty of nontheist go their entire lives not getting issues like this resolved.

Again, we wish you success and we are usually more than willing to give out free advise to anyone looking for it.

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Permalink Reply by paul babcock on May 9, 2011 at 5:18am

You mentioned that your mom think that your soul is safe having ben baptized. That is what I was referring too when I mentioned the doctrine of "once saved always saved" that Baptists believe in. This works in our favor, imo. Worrying our moms over our imorral soul is one less thing we have to fret over. If they believe the doctrine that they profess to, then the future of our souls is something they needn't be too concerned with.

Anyway, presently you have the advantage of being able to present this to her on your schedule in your own way. As I previously mentioned, plenty people come here in a bit of a panic as they have failed to be up front with those close to them, and so now they have gotten themselves into a jamb that they donot know how to deal with tactfully.

Realising this situation needs to be resolved now rather than waiting until a crisis arises shows good sence on your part and is a good first step. Plenty of nontheists go their entire lives not getting issues like this resolved.

Again, we wish you success and we are usually more than willing to give out free advise to anyone looking for it.

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