Wait, were Adam and Eve not supposed to touch the fruit, or was it the serpent? I think touching the serpent is fair game, so god is A-OK with masturbation. Unless, that whole story was an allegory, and the penis IS the fruit. That would make masturbation bad and that whole original sin thing was just Adam getting a hand. I'm so glad I'm not a Christian. I'd have to think about this crap all of the time, and it wouldn't make me laugh near as hard.