Continuing to blur the line between satire and fundamentalism, I just found this -

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"I'm so excited. As a former masturbator I plan to get every color."

"do you guys have a bulk discount?"

Hilarious! And, well... Kind of sad too. Apparently, God has nothing better to do than to watch us masturbate. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't really blame him.
What would you do with all the new found time. These people must be doing something with their hands, aren't they?
I can see it so clearly now, humanity is God's version of internet porn, it explains so much.

We were created in god's image so that god could watch us have sex and masturbate to it.

So Gods objection against gays isn't that god dislikes them, its just that god isn't into gay porn.

The sad part is this explanation seems to be just as valid as any argument I have heard for god, from any believer.
God is into voyeurism, that is for sure.
I'd never tought about that before...Makes sense really.
You had to ask.

Godzilla Bukkake.

but I know that idle hands are a bad thing. What to do, what to do?
What would god say to the doctors who believe that not using your organs may increase your risk of testicular cancer.
Wait, were Adam and Eve not supposed to touch the fruit, or was it the serpent? I think touching the serpent is fair game, so god is A-OK with masturbation. Unless, that whole story was an allegory, and the penis IS the fruit. That would make masturbation bad and that whole original sin thing was just Adam getting a hand. I'm so glad I'm not a Christian. I'd have to think about this crap all of the time, and it wouldn't make me laugh near as hard.


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