At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

Tags: euphemisms for masturbation, masturbation, self-gratification

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You serious? There's an attachment in his meditation chamber! I'm sure it's a more advanced model than what was in THX*1138, though.
Can't he choke it with his mind? throttle his little storm trooper or whatever, I don't know all the ins & outs of the wars universe, I'm more trek-ish.
Force choking the chicken.
For male I use

Making it with one of the twins.
Slapping the monkey.
Ha! Brings a whole new dimension to "Know thyself."
"know thyself - in the biblical sense"
Wow I usually have good ones but my mind is drawing a blank.. (though that could be a term if someone had a vasectomy???)...
More like "Shooting blanks", but I don't think that's masturbation specific.
thy rod and staff comfort me
Ha! Good one.
MY rod comforts me, or it could comfort THEE if ya got the time!
"Ride the white knuckler!" (male)
"Having a date with Ma Hand and her 5 daughters!" (male)
"Yank the crank!" (male)
"Tickle the kayakman!" (female)

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