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At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

Tags: euphemisms for masturbation, masturbation, self-gratification

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Transcending oneself.
Transcendental Manipulation(TM).
Trounce and dental manipulation

Not something I'd call arousing.
Heh. Thanks Jason.
Buttering his corn
Jerkin the gerkin
Voting O'Donnell
Playing pocket pool
Waxing less poetic
Doin' the Han Solo, and since this is an atheist forum how bout' "Pat the Robertson"..oh my
"Pat the Robertson"

Brilliant. And so very disturbing.
Taming the dragan

Waxing the surfboard

I don't know if those have been said yet, but the newest and funniest is fap and or fapping.
Greasing the bat, slammin the ham, spanking the frank, auditioning the finger puppets, and unbuttoning the fur coat.


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