At Mihai's suggestion.

Please do not post links to some giant page full of expressions. This is audience participation, and links (or entire webpages copied-and-pasted) just kill the conversation.

I'll go first with some expressions for female masturbation.

Jilling off.
Feeding the bearded clam.
Pearl fishing.

Tags: euphemisms for masturbation, masturbation, self-gratification

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"Clicking the Mouse"(F) "Pulling the Pud" (M) "Strokin the Pole"(M) "Playing with Pegleg Pete"(M) "Polishing the Button"(F) "Stirring the Porridge" (F) "Havin a Fap" (M) "Goin to see Harry Palmer" (M) "Clear the Pipe" (M) "Stuffing the Taco" (F) "Slap the Sausage" (M) "Polishing the Pole" (M) "Scruffin the Muffin" (F) "Typing the Letter O" (F) "Wrangle the Trouser Snake" (M) "Flicking the Switch" (F). All I can think of now.
Scruffin the muffin!! haha
Bigby's Reciprocating Hand?

XD

That's just...too epic!
Screwing palm-a-la-hand-erson.
to pull out the tripe

I love this one!
Hahaha! Thankfully, I've never written notes to myself on my hands.
bustin out a couple of knuckle children
Rounding up the tadpoles.
punching the clown
"Pumping your gas at the self-service island."

Ha! I may have to make a list of the ones I really like, as they haven't shown up on any of the big 'net compilations yet.
As in "You look like you pulled into the service station of Love and ended up at the self service pump"!
Pissin' off PETA.

Ha! Hadn't heard that one before!

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